I Wish That I Had Jesse's Girl

12 - Friendship and Abruptness

(BECA'S P.O.V) *Takes place 2 weeks later than the last chapter*

These past two weeks have been absolute hell for me. But it's all my fault for not doing anything about it. On the outside, it may have seemed like Chloe and I's friendship was fine. Maybe even to her our friendship was fine, but to me it wasn't.

For these past two weeks I've spent all my extra time at the hospital with Chloe. My schedule would consist of me going back and forth between the hospital and the university. I have spent every night here with Chloe and I would only leave to go to class, the radio station, or to get stuff from my dorm. Not to mention with all the time I had spent here with her, we had become really close friends.

And I hated it. I hated all of it. I hated seeing her everyday.

But if I hated it so much than why would I stay and keep coming back? Because of her. But not just her, but because of the way I feel for her.

I keep expecting for our relationship to change. I keeping coming back for the hope that she would feel something in a way that more than a friend does.

I give myself this false sense of hope that one day, I will come back in here and she will tell me how much she missed me and that she loves me and how much she needs me. She will tell me that being just friends kills her and she wants to be something more.

But it won't ever be like that.

The closest I will probably ever get to her is the way we are now. Nothing more. But it's so hard pretending that you don't want anymore out of this.

I see her everyday and I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from telling her how beautiful she is. When we hug and pull back from each other, I have to fight the urge to stop myself from pulling her back in to kiss her. Sometimes, when I come back from class, I find her sitting in her bed just staring out the window and I have to stop myself from staring and just studying her.

Because friends don't do those things. And to her that's what we are, and always will be.

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate myself for wanting more out of us. I hate myself for being jealous of what Stacie and Aubrey have. I want to be able to have something like that with Chloe. I know it's selfish and that I am just being silly, but I can't stop loving her.

Right now Chloe and I were lying on her bed watching a movie together. She was using my shoulder as a pillow to rest on, and I had one arm wrapped gently around her waist as I ran my other hand through her hair earning a small moan of pleasure every now and than. I zoned out through most of the movie so I had no idea what was going on now.

I looked down at her, but it was hard to get a good look at her face because of the angle we were at. I could see her chest slowly moving in and out with each breath she took.

I hadn't even realized how long I had been staring until she looked up at me. She gave me a small smile and It was slightly dark in her room but I could see her cheeks turn a dark shade of pink as she looked away. "You're missing the movie Beca, and it's getting to the good part."

"Oh, sorry" I said looking back at the tv.

"Hey are you okay? You seem kind of distant." Chloe said looking back up at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Beca." She whined, than she grab the remote and paused the movie on the tv. "Please tell me what's wrong. And don't say that there is nothing bothering you because I know there is."

I didn't know what to say to her. The problem was about her and just can't tell her that straight to her face.

"Umm... well, I am just dealing with somethings." Ok that sounded a lot worse than I intended it too.

She looked kind of puzzled than she spoke "What is going on? Is it Aubrey, because I really think that she will wake up soon."

"No, no, it's not Aubrey, but I am worried about her and Stacie." I said trying to change the subject towards them. "I don't think Stacie has been taking this to well."

"Me neither, and don't think that I don't realize what your doing."

I just let out a puff of air, before I began talking. "It's just lately, I have began to have feelings for some one that I know I can't have. And it's hard you know, like loving someone and realizing that they will never feel the same way back."

Suddenly the look on her face dropped. She used to have a small smile on her lips but it quickly became nonexistent. "Ohh..." she said in a much deeper tone. "I'm sorry." The look on her face just killed me. It looked as if her heart had just been broken or someone had just died. And seeing her like that felt like a blow to my stomach.

"Yeah well there is nothing I can do about it." I replied "But can we talk about something else?"

"Sure of course, but um... can I just ask you one thing?"

"Sure" I already knew what she was going to say.

"Who is it?"

I took a deep breath. I couldn't tell her that it was her, but I also couldn't lie to her.

"Do I at least know who it is?" Chloe asked.

"Yes"

She took a moment to think about it before speaking again. "Are they a Bella?" I just shook my head yes. "Is it-" And before she could finish that I cut her off.

"-It's you."