Tears filled my eyes as the last person finally left , I was far enough so that they wouldn't notice me I hadn't planned to come out here today but I couldn't help myself.
Today they held a memorial for ash , since fez was locked up not a lot of people came just some kids from around the neighborhood . As soon as the news came out it felt like everyone was waiting to watch me break down, they'd ask me about details and make snide comments about what he had going on in his life Then they'd offer their condolences in the next sentence, they really didn't care
Meanwhile I was going through it every day , losing my best friend at such a young age. Ash was my 2nd half , we did literally everything together even worked at the store together . We both had a rough childhood, with my dad being an abusive addict and Ash having little to no parental guidance we grew up together and we raised each other .
I have been trying to visit Fezco as much as possible but it's really hard because everything reminds me of Ash and I can't help but get emotional. One thing Fez hated was when we'd cry , he probably tell us to shut up or something. Ash hated it too , he didn't like to seem weak he would say "get up and wipe them pussy ass tears off your face " before throwing some hot Cheetos at my face . Unlike me Ash was tough, he didn't let anything faze him .
I walked through the cemetery until i stopped at his stone " Asher (ashtray) O'Neil " written in cursive letters making me cringe, I never thought I'd see his name on anything other than his graffiti tags left all over the city. I still visit them remembering the last time we talked that day
" you don't gotta go with me , I know you don't really know them people" I said getting up from the couch , even though ash has never seen a day of school I actually liked attending classes regularly and I was going to watch some play they were putting on
"I know , it's just you always over there and it's not like that shits mandatory or something " he answered, kissing his teeth at me showing he was at least a tiny bit upset
"It's supposed to be funny , like a movie and Lexie wrote it and she cool even Fez going " I explained to him further trying to convince him to come with me , he's been acting strange recently and I thought it was just stress and that this would be good for him
" nah , I'll pass y/n but you go ahead and have fun with them weirdos" he said finally getting up to hug me and kiss my cheek something he always did that comforted the both of us
" I'll come back here after, I'll tell you all about it and we could eat snacks " I said only looking up at him not disconnecting our hug, he shook his head
"No , we could meet up at our spot I got something I want to speak to you about " he said finally pulling away I nodded before we walked to the door
"Ok , text me when it's over I love you y/n" He said looking at me with a weird expression, I paused for a moment i know ash loves me but he rarely says it like this .I didn't really think anything of it and decided to brush it off .
" I love you too Ash , I see you later" I was walking out and getting on my bike , he waved at me before shutting the door as I rode away and that was the last time I saw him.
After the play I rushed to the spot excited to let Ash know about all the crazy shit that went down there . I texted him a couple of times with no answer , I spent minutes mindlessly wondering around our spot which was a hill with a nice view of the city on top , Ash has tagged here multiple times so it just became a regular spot for us . When it became dark I became worried so I just went back to his house . That's when I saw everything
I sobbed as I remember the memory of the yellow tape and small body bag , I couldn't hold it in anymore I was falling apart and nothing could be able to put me back together
Y/n: fuck Ash , What the fuck were you thinking getting caught up in all this ? & what now ? Wtf am I supposed to do now that your not here ?
I was angry about this situation, why wouldn't he just tell me what was going on? Why would even get himself involved in the first place?
Y/n: And they telling me you shot back at the cops , Are you insane? You lucky I don't snatch you up right now ?
I might be the one who looks insane right now , scolding a tomb stone in the middle of a cemetery
Y/n: you should've listened to me and came to the play , it was so ghetto they even was throwing hands , and you didn't even get to tell me what you wanted to talk about. Was this it ? Cause I've been racking my brain and replaying the convo in my head none stop
And I have , I will always wonder what he wanted to tell me at the spot and that kills me
Y/n: I miss you ash every second of everyday and I love you so fucking much and I will remember you forever I said choking up again thinking about his laugh and smile , they way we joked all day together and the times we had deep moments that our bond tighter and the love that he's shown me that I will forever be grateful for
Y/n: Thank you for being my family Ash watch over me please, imma do my big one down here for you
I said looking up at the sky cause ik my best friend up there probably throwing so many hot Cheetos . I collected myself before letting him know I'll be back soon and getting up . I saw rue with her bike not too far from where I parked mine .
R: Hey She said walking up to me I greeted her back and asked her what she was doing here
R: came to see ash , but my fathers was closer She said pointing in the direction she came from not far from where I just was. I didn't know Rue well even though we kinda ran in the same circle
R: you okay ? I know ash was your boy for real
She asked genuinely, I hesitated before answering
Y/n: I will be
R: look I don't really know you but you Fez's peoples and he loves you so if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here
Y/n: yeah , same to you
I said before they're was a awkward silence
Y: hey , you wanna do something with me ?
R: sure
I got on my bike and she followed me , we went to the school and rue looked at me confused
R: what we doing here ? I answered her by taking out some spray cans from my bag
Y/n: ash tagged almost everywhere in the city , but he's never step foot at a school. That was his only thing he always wanted to tag everywhere but couldn't put his pride aside to even come here
R: that kid and his vendetta against anyone of power , True rebel She joked while picking up a can .
We tagged the school with "Long live ashtray" and his signature tag and we just sat there watching eating Cheetos and talking about him . Forever in my heart he shall live My family My love My ash ...
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