Unintentional Heart's Desire

The damaging reality of love.

She wouldn't understand, and that was ok.

He wanted to blame it all on the fact that he'd gotten a text just before they'd arrived at their destination, that reminded him of his duty.

He wanted to blame it on Ms. Viera's suspicious glare when he told her he was going away to an undisclosed location for an unrevealed reason.

The truth was that he didn't know what had gotten into him to start with.

But as if fate had sided with his doubts, he'd heard the story of the girl's biological father.

How love ended his life.

The need and longing he'd had to suffer through for decades claimed what could've been a worthy life lived.

That was a harsh reminder of what love truly spoke for.

His father may have been flawed in many different ways but he'd been truthful when he talked about the damaging reality of love.

How it was responsible for the defeat and death of many.

Amy's father was one of many victims.

Was that the kind of fate that awaited him too?

Was that the fate he wanted for her?

Not at all.

He loved her so much that he didn't want her to suffer the consequences of being with him.

It had taken him a while but he'd eventually opened his eyes.

They were truly living in denial.

A great sacrifice needed to happen for them to have their way, maybe even a few.

He didn't want to sacrifice his job and neither did he want her to sacrifice her dream for him.

But there was more.

With that realization, came the reminder that he was simply not good enough for her.

She deserved the kind of person who didn't bring with him the kind of baggage that he had.

With him, she was going to suffer great anguish.

From the media, from her sister, from his family, from his company, and very likely from himself too.

It was not a question of whether or not he loved her, that was a no-brainer.

It was that love simply was not enough.

Security, consistency, and stability were some of the things that needed to come with the word.

But he didn't know if he would be able to provide them to her.

She was precious.

So precious that he needed to love her and leave her.

But never could he have imagined the great torment that came with letting go of his heart's deepest desire.