Unintentional Heart's Desire

Lies, lies.

Amy hated lying to her sister, though in that moment, she didn't know if the truth was truly going to set her free.

The heaviness of the atmosphere thickened with every breath that was taken.

The moment felt extremely familiar to Amy, except she was always on the other end of that situation. Where she flusteredly stood from the outside looking in on her sister's moment with someone else. Someone else who she'd thought was into her.

Kendra always made it a point to comfort her about it after, but it never took the heavy disappointment away. Not that she blamed the girl.

If there was ever the worst time to tell her that she'd slept with her boyfriend, it was then.

But when was it ever going to be the right time?

She'd made excuses for it but the truth was that she was a coward, she'd always been. Her sister would have told her ages before had she been in her shoes, yet there she was, not being honest to the most important person in her life.

She'd contemplated coming clean at that moment but she knew better; or did she?

"I..."

She was sure the whole image looked suspect and she didn't know how to even start to explain. Words failed her as she looked at her sister who had every reason to think the worst of what she'd walked into.

The distance between herself and Jason wasn't very close, but it had been the closest they'd been to each in months.

She was never going to outwardly admit it, but it felt like finally getting warmth after a long and dreadful winter season. His proximity gave her air to breathe and took it away all at the same time.

And that was what Amy felt atrocious about.

That she wanted so badly to hate the man, for many reasons, most recently that he'd behaved the way he did with her while he dated her sister, but the malice simply just wasn't there.

So she wore the guilt like a winter's day coat.

They weren't necessarily doing anything that was physically wrong, but they weren't exactly innocent either.

She couldn't speak for, nor control Jason's actions but she could control her own. She could have very easily decided to leave when the boy started getting inappropriate with her, but she didn't and she was subsequently caught in a tricky situation.

Nothing excused what was happening. It was wrong and Amy knew she needed to do better, to be better.

If the roles were reversed, she would want to know.

So she decided to try again,

"I was..."

"She was looking for the bathroom. I was showing her one that gave her a little... privacy."

She'd heard Jason respond, using her earlier excuse, clearly having noticed her trouble with word formation.

He either saved her or made things worse for her, but whichever one it was, she was just glad to be given a bit more time to come clean.