Tragically Yours

| 44 |

I may have lost track of time. For some reason, I can't seem to control my body, it's like I've been watching on the sideline while someone else is moving my body. Until now, I've been moving on autopilot, not caring if it's obvious to other people. The important thing is that I'm still functional, the only flaw is that I'm not the one in control. The only time when I'm in control is when I'm lying in bed, facing the ceiling. Which only happens every morning. Today, I'm still staring at the ceiling, not a single thought enters my brain. It's quite funny that whenever I need something random to pop up in my brain, nothing happens. All I have in my thoughts are the sound of heavy wind, as well as a distant echo of my sadness.

I have no idea how long it has been since I've learned that the woman I loved is already engaged to someone else. A pained scoff got out of me when I realized I'd forgotten the name of her fiancé. Was it Russell? I believe it's Russell with no last name because why would I know about his last name? Whatever his last name is, Gail will soon have it on her name. Abigail Kellyn won't exist anymore-as well as the potential Abigail Thurston.

A single tear flowed down to one of my ears, and I had to heavily lift a hand to wipe the tear away. Once I wiped the tear away, I heard my phone vibrating against the end table. I can bet millions of dollars whoever is messaging me isn't Gail. A fucking idiot as I am, I didn't give her my new contact information. Because I was too occupied appreciating my time with her that it didn't occur to me that I should give her my new contact information. But now she's gone with her fiancé, it doesn't matter anymore. Even my inner voice sounds so bitter whenever I think of her being engaged to that Russell guy.

When my phone vibrates again, I naturally let out a loud groan. Groan that my phone wouldn't shut up, and a groan that will slightly help lift that heavy feeling I'm currently having. With an eye roll, I tried to push myself up the bed to sit down on the edge. Damn, every day, my entire body feels heavier and heavier. It's like a challenge to even stand up at this point. A deep sigh seemed to have escaped my lips as I reached out for the phone sitting on the end table. Yeah, I was right, Gail wasn't the one messaging me. Instead, it's Favian. It's been a while since I last received a message from him. The last message was him granting me another vacation to focus on the stage play I'm writing with Declan. That felt ages ago, even though it was just five days ago. But it still feels like a century has passed. Unfortunately, these past days, I couldn't seem to find myself focusing on the stage play. Perhaps I did, I was just on autopilot during it. Shaking my head, disappointed at myself, I opened Favian's message.

Favian: I need you in my office... NOW!

Hmm, this might be the first time Favian sent me a capitalized word that isn't an abbreviation. I wonder what he wants to talk about. Maybe the fact that he knew about Gail's engaged status that he didn't even think of telling me. Since both Favian and Stella round her first, they must have known about it and were deliberately not telling a word to me. Without replying to Favian, I threw my phone on the bed before my hands rubbed the remnants of dried tears from last night. I huff out a breath before pushing myself up to stand and make my way out of the bedroom.

Usually, once I'm out of the bedroom, my mind will begin to autopilot until I'm back to the safety of my bedroom. Surprisingly, that didn't happen when I exited my bedroom. I don't know the reason my mind couldn't be on autopilot today, but I have my suspicion that it has something to do with that lone letter lying by my apartment door. Ms. Jess must have slid in under the door last night while I was occupied with the emotional pain of the universe pulling the woman I love away from me. Throughout that evening, I was finding a way to be angry at her. Unfortunately, I couldn't, and I'm left to only mend the hole she left.

I closed my eyes for a whole minute, trying to feel the heaviness of my eyelids and the slight sting from last night. Once I have numb out the pain, I saunter my way to pick up the letter lying on the ground. Flipping the letter to the other side to see who sent this letter, another cold spear had pierced through my aching chest when I read that it's from Gail. It would be like adding salt to a wound if this turns out to be a wedding invitation, but when I tear open the envelope and pull out the letter, the final words she blurted out to me came back in an echo in my head.