Chase and Madelyn: A love story

Chapter 14

TW: Mentions of self harm

Chase's POV:

That night, Maddie and I went to sleep without really saying anything to each other. Madison was staying on the couch for the night. Maddie wanted her to stay and Madison wouldn't of left us either, we were both in extremely vulnerable states. I laid with my eyes wide open as Maddie drifted to sleep. I came to the realization that we didn't trust each other anymore. I didn't trust her to not cut herself or stick to her promises of telling me when she had an urge. And Maddie didn't trust me enough to tell me what she was feeling for some reason. I would never be the first person she came to which broke my heart.

With the painkillers, I pretty much felt fine after the surgery. I had a little trouble walking but other than that, I was ok. I only slept for a couple hours last night. When I was awake, I would watch Maddie sleep. She looked so peaceful and innocent, her chest rising and falling as she breathed. For a minute, I forgot about any problems that Maddie and I have ever had and just admired her beautiful self. 

"Morning," I said to her as she rolled over. It was 9 AM, and her appointment was at 10. "Let's get up, I'll make you breakfast." I said.

She yawned. "Chase, no. You're still recovering. Madison and I will do it." She said.

"I feel fine. I won't over do it, I promise." I convinced her.

We agreed that we would all make breakfast together even though I knew she would make me sit down and take it easy.

"How are you feeling about today?" I asked referring to Maddie's appointment.

She rolled her eyes. "Can we not talk about it for like 5 minutes. Please?" She said. 

I could tell that she was tired and frustrated. Madison walked over and gave her a hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." Maddie began. "I just want to be treated like a normal person, ok?" 

Madison and I agreed and we all sat down to eat breakfast.

Madelyn's POV: 

All three of us made our way to my new therapist's office. I knew I'd feel better if I had Chase and Madison with me, even if they sat outside. Chase and Madison sat in the waiting room as I entered the office. 

"Madelyn?" A woman who looked not much older than me walked out and escorted me into her room.

"Hi," I said nervously. "I'm Maddie, it's nice to meet you."

"I'm Carrie. Thanks for coming in today. Would you like me to call you Madelyn or Maddie?" She asked.

"Call me Maddie." I said with a small smile.

"Great, let's get started. Feel free to sit anywhere you feel comfortable." Carrie said. "So, Maddie, do you want to tell me a little bit about yourself?" She asked.

"Uh, sure. Well, I'm 23, I'm an actress filming season 2 of Outer Banks right now. What else do you want to know, I can't think of anything for some reason." I said while realizing that my mind was blanking.

"Wow, I'm sure you're very busy. What brings you in? I noticed that you were recently institutionalized." She said referring to her notes.

"Yeah," I said looking down and biting my lip. "I selfed harmed and got sent to the hospital. I was put on medication and could feel myself starting to get better but it happened again the other night." I said pointing to my wrist.

"Is there a specific reason for why you are cutting?" Carrie asked as she scribbled some notes down.

"I don't know. I should be happy, I have a great job, I'm in love, I make a lot of money, I have amazing friends. I think sometimes when I need to express my emotions, I don't always do it in a healthy way." I said. 

"Well sometimes having everything you want won't always lead to happiness. But I'm glad you understand that cutting as a way of coping in not healthy. Would you like to tell me more about your relationships?" She asked.

"I've been dating my co-star for about a year. Chase. He's the best, but our relationship has taken a toll as my mental health got worse. And then there's Madison, she also one of my co-stars and my best friend. She calls me out on my BS and always supports me no matter what." I said fidgeting with my bracelets. 

"I noticed you arrived with some people, is Chase here with you today?" Carrie asked.

"Yeah, Chase and Madison are in the waiting room, why?" I asked.

"I always find it helpful to speak with my client's loved ones. They know you better than anyone else. Would it be ok with you if we brought Chase in here for a minute to have a chat? Just the three of us?" She proposed. 

I was slightly uncomfortable, "Um, yeah I guess."

"It'll just help everyone to understand what's going on from all points of view, and help me to get to know you better." Carrie said. 

I exited the room and got Chase's attention.

"Are you done already?" He asked.

"No, uh, she wants to speak with you." I said.

Chase and I entered the room and Carrie introduced herself. We sat on the couch side by side.

"Thanks for joining us!" Carrie said. "I wanted to talk to you to get to know Maddie a little more and also get your thoughts and opinions about what's been going on recently." She finished.

I could tell that Chase was a little uncomfortable, he had never spoken to a therapist like this before. He didn't say anything. 

"Would you like to start by telling me how Maddie's behaviors are affecting you?" Carrie asked.

Chase looked at me for reassurance or permission to tell her. I nodded. 

"I guess I feel that I don't really trust her. I'm scared that she'll hurt herself or that I'll lose her." Chase said.

"I get that," Carrie said. "Loving someone who intentionally harms themselves can be really tough. But how are you feeling, what's going through your mind in regards to Maddie's struggles?" She asked.

"I'm devastated," He began, "It kills me to see her hurt like this. I don't sleep most nights and I come off as a controlling and overprotective boyfriend when I just want to help her." Chase said.

I began to tear up. I realized that I never actually asked how he was feeling, I just assumed. Chase slowly put his arm around me to comfort me. Carrie asked Chase a few more questions and then thanked him for his honesty. Chase exited the room and Carrie and I spent the rest of the time talking about healthy coping skills. 

"That was brutal." I said to Madison and Chase as we left the building. 

"I did not expect that." Chase said. "I get that she's all tough-love type of shit but that felt wrong." he explained. 

"Yeah, you shouldn't have to be a part of the appointments, but I don't know. Maybe the tough-love approach will actually help me. But I want you to feel comfortable too. Also, I want you to be able to talk about these thing to me, you know, tell me what I'm doing wrong and share your feelings, ok?" I said.

We hugged and then got in the car to drop Madison off at her apartment. 

"I'm proud of you. You know that right?" Madison said.

I smiled and squeezed her hand.