Chase and Madelyn: A love story

Chapter 78

TW: Mentions of overmedicating

Madelyn's POV:

We went back home with the twins after spending the afternoon with my family at the pumpkin patch. Even though I was tired, it was fun. Chase and I picked out some pumpkins to put on the porch and we got a bunch of good pictures of the twins. I was hoping to use some of them on a holiday card.

About an hour ago, I put Juliet in her crib and said goodnight after feeding her. Chase and I decided to move James' crib to our room temporarily. He was only waking up once or twice throughout the night, but it was easier to have him by my side when he wanted to be held or comforted.

I did my skincare routine and sat in bed next to a sleepy Chase. He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his head in my lap, sighing loudly. I ran my fingers through his hair and looked down into his hazel eyes, the same eyes that James had.

Chase closed his eyes and squeezed my body tighter.

"Don't leave me, Mads." He whispered.

"What do you mean? I'm right here." I said confusedly.

Chase didn't respond.

"Babe, what's going on? Did something happen?" I asked. He had been overly touchy and clingy for the past few days. I didn't mind it, I loved his hugs and kisses, but it was slightly unusual. His comment only made me more concerned.

I noticed Chase's lip quivering. It looked like he was trying so hard to keep his emotions from spilling.

"Is this about last month?" I asked. Last month was when I took 3 times the amount of my anxiety medication during a bad panic attack. Chase and I didn't really talk about the situation. I told him and he comforted me, but that was it. I felt bad because it probably heavily affected him to know that I was a few pills away from him loosing me.

I felt Chase rub his thumb back and forth on my back under my shirt. He still didn't respond and laid silently in my lap, his eyes were squeezed shut, not allowing tears to fall.

I took a deep breath. I assumed that was what this was about. "I'm sorry." I whispered, my voice breaking. 

Chase noticed the emotion in my voice and opened his eyes. Seeing his glossy eyes made my heart sink. I felt like I was causing him so much pain with my issues. He picked his head up and sat beside me.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated, letting a single tear fall down my cheek.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's ok." Chase quickly reassured me while wiping my tear away with his fingers.

I wrapped my arms around Chase's neck and hugged him tightly. He twirled the ends of my ponytail in his hands. 

"Shhh." He cooed calmly.

"I didn't mean to scare you." I said, referring to that morning.

"It's ok, I'm just glad you're safe." Chase said, holding both sides of my face and pulling away from the hug. I avoided eye contact with him.

"Chase...It's not ok. I'm sorry." I said, looking down.

"Hey, Maddie, look at me." Chase asked.

I reluctantly looked into his eyes, a tear threatening to escape his eye.

Chase was about to say something, but I butted in. "Just be honest with me." I said, hoping to hear out his real feelings on this situation.

He inhaled sharply. "I've come so close to losing you. So many times." Chase began, but got choked up.

I nodded, I felt guilty. I was mainly focused on myself and the babies, and I completely disregarded Chase's feelings.