Chase and Madelyn: A love story

Chapter 19

TW: Mentions of miscarriage and self harm

Madelyn's POV:

Chase and I decided that I would stay home from work on Monday and Tuesday. I wasn't happy with this decision because staying home would mean I'd have to think about and process what happened. I couldn't process it, it was too hard.

"Just take it easy today, ok?" Chase asked as he put his shoes on, leaving for the day. "Call me if you need anything or if the bleeding picks up again." He said.

I nodded and hugged Chase before he walked out the door. About 3 hours later, it was noon. I didn't know how much longer I could take it. I had nothing to do except think about the miscarriage I just had. I had nobody to distract me. I thought about cutting myself for a second. The intrusive and unexpected though scared me and I stood up before I could do anything bad.

I put my shoes on and grabbed my car keys. I had to go to set. If I couldn't work, I at least had to see Chase or Madison. I needed to be with someone other than myself in that moment.

I made my way to where the crew was filming that day. As I approached the trailers, I saw Chase talking with Drew.

"Maddie?! You're not supposed to be here right now." Chase said as he noticed me and then began walking towards my car.

"You can't work today. You're still recovering, you should be in bed!" He said with animated arms. I could tell he was upset. I was scared to tell him about the urge I just had. I didn't say anything but looked at the ground as Chase spoke.

"Maddie, please just go home, ok? I talked to Jonas and he said it was fine, it's only 2 days that you're missing. Can you get some rest? I'll be home in like 4 hours. Stop being stubborn and go home!" He said with a slightly raised voice.

I began to cry. My hands shot up to my face on instinct as I covered my eyes. There were a couple crew members around, so I was embarrassed. Drew watched from a few feet away.

"Hey man," Drew began while walking towards Chase. "I don't know what's going on, but don't yell at her, she's clearly upset." He said trying to calm Chase down.

"You're right, you don't know the situation and should back off, let me handle this." He snapped back.

My sweatshirt sleeves were now wet with tears. Drew walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"Do you want to talk?" Drew asked. I nodded.

Chase interrupted before we could walk off. "Nope. No, Maddie. Go home. This is for your own good." He said.

"Dick." I whispered under my breath as Drew and I turned to walk to his trailer.

"Are you serious?!" Chase yelled. "Maddie, I'm just trying to help you! Why don't you understand that?!"

I stopped walking and turned around. "You know what, Chase? I didn't come here to work today. I get it, I'm gonna take the 2 days off. I came here because I needed you. Yeah, I could've slit my wrists but I came here instead because I needed you, ok?" I said while sobbing.

"Maddie, I-" Chase said while walking towards me. He looked really surprised but I cut him off.

"Don't." I said. I put my hand out to stop him from walking any farther. He ran his fingers through his hair. Chase always did that when he was stressed or upset.

I continued to walk with Drew to his trailer. When we got inside, I broke down. I slid to the floor and held my head in my hands, crying.

Drew knelt down and joined me on the floor. "Hey, what's going on?" He asked in a whisper.

I couldn't get words out. I was choking on my own sobs.

"Were you serious about the cutting your wrists part?" He asked while putting a hand on my knee.

I nodded.

He didn't say anything but instead reached over to give me a hug. There were two loud knocks on the trailer door and a crew member impatiently said, "Drew? We need you now for a scene!"

"I'll be back in an hour, will you be ok?" He asked. "Take a nap or something. There's snacks in the cabinets if you're hungry." Drew walked out the door and shut it behind him.

I didn't get off the floor. Instead, I sat there staring at my shoes. A few minutes later, I heard another knock at the door.

"Drew's not here..." I shouted. The door opened. It was Chase.

"I fucked up," He said while entering the trailer. "I really fucked up Maddie. I assumed you were being stubborn and wanted to work. I'm so sorry."

I didn't acknowledge his presence.

"Mads, talk to me. Please. I'm here to listen. That was just a misunderstanding." He pleaded.

"You really made me feel like shit." I finally managed to say. "I needed you, and all I wanted was a hug, and you freaked out and yelled. You didn't even let me get a word in." I said.

"I know," He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm here now. Can you tell me what's going on?" He asked.

"I couldn't be alone," I responded. "I had an urge to cut..."

Chase quickly grabbed a hold of my left arm and pulled up the sleeve.

"Stop," I said while pulling it away. "I didn't, I did what you said and came to you before anything happened. Happy?" I said sarcastically.

"I'm so sorry Maddie. Thank you for doing that. I'm sorry if I made you feel that you couldn't come to me." He said.

"I'm gonna go to my parents house." I said while standing up.

"Maddie, no. Don't go." Chase said, standing up with me.

"No, it's fine. I forgive you. I need to see them anyway. They've been worrying about me ever since Saturday happened." I still felt weird talking about the miscarriage. It didn't feel real.

Chase and I hugged and kissed goodbye and I started driving to my parents house. My mom didn't work on Mondays so I knew she'd be home.

"Oh baby." My mom said while helping me out of the car and hugging me.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed.

"What are you sorry for? This wasn't your fault." She said. She was now rubbing my back. I cried loudly. I was distraught about the miscarriage and the fight with Chase was my last straw. By now, we had caught the attention of the neighbors. They stared and whispered as I wailed into my mom's shoulder.

"Show's over folks!" I heard my dad say to the neighbors while walking out of the house and shooing them away. He put his hand on my back and guided me inside.

When we got inside, I calmed down a little bit and asked my dad why he was home. He was usually gone from 9-5 for work. It was only 2.

"Chase texted me and mom." He said. "He said you were really upset and were headed here so I thought I'd take the rest of the day off to see you."

I sighed. Of course Chase texted them. I had no right to be angry with him for that, he was worried. Over the next few hours, I cried sitting in between my mom and dad. They took turns hugging and comforting me about the miscarriage. At 4, there was a knock at the door. It was Chase.

My mom welcomed him in and we all sat in the living room.

"How are you holding up with all of this?" My dad asked Chase.

My mom and I had went to the kitchen to give the guys some time to talk.

"Not great..." Chase said, "But I'm trying to be strong for Maddie. She's really struggling and it kills me to see her cry like that."

They hugged it out and we all ate dinner together that night.

As we left, Chase pulled me aside. "Maddie, I'm so sorry again for earlier. I feel really bad. Do you still feel like you're going to cut yourself?" He asked.

I shook my head. That was a lie. I wanted to cut myself so badly, I wanted to feel the pain and see the blood. Seeing Chase's reaction today made me not want to tell him. I didn't want to upset him again. I couldn't stand to hear him yell.