A Year without Rain 🥀 (Jisoo ff)

Chapter 31

Have you ever made a decision that later on makes you question "that why do I have to do it, things were better before doing it"! That just happened with jisoo

Continued..........

My dearest Jisoo

There are so many things I want to say to you but there is no time to get through all. You were someone I never thought I'd need in my life but after everything we went through, I realized you were everything I have ever wanted, and so much more, all wrapped up in a 5 foot 4, black haired, black eyed beautiful woman.

I didn't knew what love really was until I met you. I fell as deep in love with you as I did, and at that time you became my everything, my best friend, my confidant, my lover and most of all my biggest supporter. You treated me like gold even when I was nothing but to a d!ck to you who planned to use you.
But I didn't knew I was gonna fall in love with you. I didn't knew I was going to want you. I didn't expect the sudden need for you running through my veins, burning my insides like it was on fire. I never knew I was going to deeply love you the way I did and I still do, that even the thought of you could keep me up at nights even when I so tired. I am that madly in love with you.

Do you remember the time you guys came out with "Pretty Savage" Song. I watched that video with guys and that day I experienced something that I never did in my life. I called you that day and I was all worked up and asked you to tell me that you won't ever leave me, you kept asking me what happened, why I'm saying this well the I'm telling you now. That day Jimin praised you so much, he said the words I wanted to say and that made me mad, so mad and jimin made me realize that I was jealous, jealous of someone else seeing you the way I see you. That day I experienced jealousy and fear of losing and that single thought of losing made me lose my mind. For the first time after halmoni's death I had a panic attack.

But all that was nothing in front of the pain I suffered because I hurt you, I broke your trust. The day you left me, the day when you never looked back at me that day I got to know what breaking apart in million pieces but still breathing feels like. That time I wanted to run after you, I wanted to stop you from leaving me, I wanted to lie about everything just so you won't leave me, I wanted to beg you to not leave me but I couldn't because I knew I didn't deserve that, I knew I deserve way worse than what you did to me.

I'm not a saint jisoo I know. I've done alot of things, bad things which I'm not proud of, things that would grab your attention towards me so that you would notice me again. I announced my relationship with Jennie, made fake accounts to follow you to stalk you. I even tried to call you with fake call you just to hear your voice again. But the day I heard you went on a date with a guy I lost my shit jisoo. I was so angry. I was burning with jealousy. Everytime Taeyong would look at you I wanted to break his face. But then I saw, I saw the way you looked at him, it was same the way you used to look at me. That day I realized I truly lost you. I fucked it up. I fucked everything up. I destroyed us jisoo.

You know before going to Jeju. I planned on winning you back by hook or crook. I was planning something bad. But then a friend talked some sense into me and made me realize it that for the first time you were happy, you were living your life , you were that jisoo again who would joke around alot. I saw you happy jisoo. I didn't wanted to turn your anger into hate. And jisoo, I can live with you anger but I won't be able to live with your hate. So, I got me a therapist like I told you at jeju. I've been seeing him alot lately and it really helped me alot. Thanks to you.