Imperfection

n i n e

let's pack our stuff now
and run away
we can't be all we want in this small town

_______________________

,,You're crying, Mags.", I chuckled as we were standing at the airport London's.

,,No. I am not crying.", Magda said, her voice cracking. She wasn't a person to cry, she didn't like it and liked it even less to admit it. The blonde Swede took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice. ,,Look Aurie, I'll miss you. I remembered the last years, also the time without P, I...uh-" As her voice cracked once again, Pernille took her hand for support. I could only imagine it has been her that convinced her to say something like that. Magda was a person that always talked you through the hard times, guided you, but she couldn't handle herself in her own hard times. I've never seen her crying outside our apartment over something else that a win or loss after a game, it was always just in Pernille's presence that she did. She barely did it in front of me, trying to hide it from me. It was always accidentally that I had catched her crying, with Pernille by her side. It was gorgeous to me how the both of them affected each other, how comfortable they felt around each other. I looked up to them in so many ways, this was definitely one. ,,I love you. And it's kinda hard to let you go when I constantly have to think about how the last years with you were and how it won't ever be like that again.", she smiled sadly. I felt sorry for her. Pernille has always been the person I went to first, especially in the first years of living with them. I had been kinda distance to Magda for a long time, always trusted Pernille more. I know it took her a lot. I remembered a night years ago, it must have been two or three years after the accident, I wasn't talking much to Magda back then. Not when Pernille wasn't with us. I think she knew about Pernille going to Wolfsburg and having to stay here with me alone. When I woke up that night at around 3 in the morning and went to drink something, I saw light coming through from their bedroom. I could see Magda laying in P's arms, and the latter having struggles to calm the girl down. It has been the first time I had seen Magda literally sobbing, her body craving for air as she struggled to breath. I didn't back then, but now I know it was because of me. She always understood, never pushed me, making me think it wasn't hard for her. I know better now. Not knowing what to say I brought her into a tight hug, hiding my face in the crook of her neck. A sweet, bloomy scent was what I concentrated on. Just like Pernille she hadn't changed her shampoo or perfume. And besides the familiar coconut scent, it became something that could calm me down just as fast. I could feel the guilt washing over me, a burning feeling in my chest that brought hot tears into my eyes.

,,I'm sorry that you always had to be the second choice. That I always trusted Pernille more than you even though you tried so hard. I'm sorry for putting you through so much pain, but I-", I took a breath to steady my voice. ,,I love you too. So so much. And I'm so thankful for everything you did for me.", I cried, the burning guilt getting stronger and stronger.

,,Thank you. That made me feel so much better, tiny.", she whispered and it felt like her words made the fire inside of me go away. She squeezed me one last time, before pulling away.

,,Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? You've never done all that before.", Pernille worried and I just chuckled at her. My mood had gotten better in these past days, the Manchester game helping to close this chapter. I told myself to be excited to meet Georgia, to meet the other girls, that the city won't affect me so much. And even though I basically forced myself to think so, it kinda helped.

,,P, I'm 19 years old, I did fly several times already and Georgia will be waiting right at the airport with a staff member, so don't worry. I'll be fine.", I smiled, amused by her grimace, that showed her inner conflict.

,,What if I won't be fine?"

,,I'm sure you will, P.", I reassure her, when suddenly my flight was called out. ,,I have to go." Pernille hugged me tightly, almost as if she was scared to never see me again. I pulled away soon tho, not wanting to make it even harder. ,,I love you guys so so much!", I said, already starting to walk backwards. I watched them both cry as I slowly turned around, my heart aching just a little bit and when I was about to turn around the corner, I heard my name being called and soon after I found myself in another hug. It was Guro.