Imperfection

t w e n t y s i x

Maturing is realising that you can choose to be happy.

_____________________

I swallowed the last bit of water that was left in my water bottle, before putting it down, my gaze fixed onto the brunette Spaniard. Sarina wouldn't let me play anymore, so I had sat down on the bench besides Alessia, who immediately apologized for the way Ona had acted.

,,It's okay, don't worry.", I had said, shaking my head. And even though it was true, and I didn't really feel hurt, I was still wondering what I had done to her. My thoughts started roaming, analysing every interaction that we ever had, but there was nothing. Nothing that could've pissed her off and still she was glaring at me whenever I was around. I hated it.

Something about her made me hate it, because everything she did was adorable. I adored her, looked up to her. I watched her closely for the next minutes, ever since I had sat down. She seemed to be so calm about what she was doing, her movements were smooth, while her eyes flickered to where ever the ball was flying. She seemed so effortlessly perfect. I wanted her to like me, to be friends with me, but instead everything I did was annoying her.

I sighed and lowered my gaze. Staring at her probably wouldn't help at all. I wasn't sure how our holidays were supposed to work if Ona and I didn't get along, but promised myself to try and make her like me, somehow.

When Alessia got subbed on, I looked behind me, catching a glimpse of a certain brunette. Anna was sitting a few rows behind us alone, eyes focused on her phone. I tilted my head slightly, before getting up and making my way over to her. I didn't miss the tears in her eyes and her tensed body. And somehow I right away knew what was doing. I sat down on the seat beside her and without any hesitation, took her into my arms. She tried so hard not to break down crying. After all, she had to end things with the one person she loved most, the person that always made her feel loved, even though she didn't give her many reasons for that. But she held it together, pushed the tears away and took deep breaths.

I was slightly surprised, admired her for the amount of self control that she had. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it, at all. And especially not here.

,,She doesn't want to understand. Doesn't even try.", she breathed, sighing one more time before sitting back in her seat, the tears in her eyes still there but nothing more. I wasn't sure what to say or do. Didn't know what she wanted me to say or do. What she needed me to say or do. So I just sat there, beside her, and took her hand in mine. I wasn't too good with words and physical contact was what I always needed and wanted. It was a friendly gesture, not romantic in any way. A small smile fought its way onto her face when she looked at our hands. ,,It's the right thing. I love her, but she's not the person that I want to be with right now."

,,I guess...", I started, my thoughts drifting off. ,,I guess she needs to figure out some stuff herself." Anna watched me, some knowing look on her face that brought confusion onto mine.

,,Well, I guess that she isn't the only one that has to do that."

And she was right.

___________

The light of the fridge lighted up the dark room, the television being the only other light source. Aurie's eyes flickered through the very few edible items in it, plugged in between beer and other bottles of alcohol that she didn't know the name of. She reached for a yoghurt and tried to take it out without making any noises, before realising, as she took a closer look, that it was already way too old to still be eaten. She stared down at it as she closed the fridge and then, sighing, threw it away.

Her gaze wandered to the woman, sitting on the couch, just a few metres away from her, and slowly began to make her way over to her.

,,Mom?", she asked quietly, not getting any reaction from the older woman. ,,Mom."

Her mother looked up at her, her eyes widened and her face hardened from the alcohol in her system. Aurelia could barely remember her soft features that her mother had in a sober state.

,,We're going on a class trip next week.", she said, carefully waiting for an reaction of her mother, but her eyes were once again focused on the television. On the show that she watched every single day. ,,I have to bring 30£."

Her mother didn't look up at her. ,,Yeah.", she shrugged. But Aurie saw that glimmer in her eyes that she couldn't quite translate. Anger. Annoyance. Fear. But it was that glimmer that made Aurie want to cry, that made her scared to ask for anything, the glimmer that made her life so difficult. She turned around and ran up the stairs to her room, where she hid under her blankets and hoped for it all to change.

Where she hid under her blanket and asked herself where she had gone wrong, so that she ended up scared about asking her mother. About anything.

_________________________

Don't ask, it's short, but I am stuck in this chapter since forever so I thought I'd just end it somehow and push past it. I don't think I'll update way more now tho, yk being mentally ill and still enjoying life is exhausting lol. I love yall though, with the wc I might get more active again.

Bye babes, slay the day

lena:*