Imperfection

t h i r t e e n

it turned into something bigger
somewhere in the haze
got a sense I've been betrayed

_____________________

It was weird. The next day, when I woke up in Syd and Klara's apartment, Mala cuddled up to my side and Georgia laying on the other side of the couch in a very uncomfortable looking position, making me laugh slightly, I felt just like I had felt in the first days of being here. Every worry and every feeling of absolute numbness gone, like it had never been there. I looked besides me at Mala, the young goalkeeper was a sweet person, always feeling most comfortable while having some physical touch, without any sexual thoughts behind it, me being quite similar there, the two of us had started comforting each other whenever she slept over. And still, every single time we did I couldn't help but think how it would be when Jill would replace the young brunette. Jill really had me wrapped around her finger and I think I would've done everything for her, the want to be with her constantly on my mind. I couldn't wait for her to come here in four days, leaving me nervous as we had discussed she'd stay with me and we'd share the bed for the two nights she'd be here. I tried to imagine how it would feel like to lay in her arms, a wave of comfort rolling all over me and bringing excitement. How would it feel like, when I kiss her?

I soon ended my daydreaming, knowing we all had to go to regeneration soon, so I softly shook Mala awake, who's eyes flattered open right after and let me stand up smiling. I went over to G, a smirk playing on my lips as I gave her shoulder a little push, causing her to fall off the couch almost immediately, her position not only uncomfortable but also not really safe. Mala and I both started laughing as Georgia landed on the hard floor with a dumph, before groggily glaring up at us.

,,I hate you.", she mumbled, standing up with the fleece blanket still around her shoulders. Syd and Klara soon came out of their rooms as well, the sounds of Georgia's fall and Mala and I's laugher having woken them up. I patted Georgia on her shoulder, still laughing as she just shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. To be honest, I felt absolutely at home in this ghetto, already gotten used to the constant presence of my new friends, spending every evening and every morning together. I felt at home. And it almost made me cry thinking about how happy I was, this really being what I had needed and making me dread the moment I would have to leave again. I didn't know if this numbness would return every time I'd have to play, it terrified me, but I wouldn't change it if that meant I could continue to spend the time between those matches in absolute joy.

Georgia and I made our way over to our apartment, quickly doing our little routine, before getting out to the others again, Mala starting to come with us now more often as well. We sang to the music playing on the speakers as the warm air made us all comfortable in Shirts and thin jackets. We made our stop at Ursel's bakery, her congratulating me as she of course had watched the game, just like every other game we all played, even the national ones. She had to support her favorite footballers at all times, she explained.

,,Guten Morgen! Ich habe euer Frühstück schon hier!"(Good Morning! I have your breakfast here already!), she exclaimed happily as usual. I had taken German classes, all the grammar and vocabulary soon coming back into my mind, making it way easier for me. After those two weeks I was almost as good as Georgia after almost a year, which frustrated her. ,,Aurie! Herzlichen Glückwunsch zu deinen Toren, sie waren sehr schön!"(Aurie! Congrats to your goals, they were very pretty!), she said turning to me and making me smile.

We arrived at the campus soon after, getting out, the sun was shining into our faces as we quickly made our way inside. The regeneration was just like it always was, individual for everyone. The Bayern campus was beautiful and absolutely modern, just like the staff was very professional. I first went to my physio, who first took care of my shoulder before he put my whole body back in place, everything cracking as he did so, causing goosebumps on my skin and everyone else in the room to laugh at me. After he finally finished that, he started massaging me, this being way more pleasant than almost breaking all my bones. We had light conversion, Georgia soon joining so we just joked around. When my physio was finished, Georgia and I made our way into one of the saunas, laying down on the fluffy towels and just enjoying the heat. After thirty minutes our time was up though, causing us to lazily get out and over to the ice baths. We ended up dragging each other inside, Syd and Klara both already shivering in the cold water as we impatiently waited for our time to be over. When the torture finally was over, the four of us made our way to the gym where we did some cycling and running, the coaches making some tests on us as we did so. I noticed how much this all was about health, how single players got picked out for some exercises because their health wasn't as good. I didn't know when the last injury was at Bayern, probably Syd's last year, as her muscle was sore after she landed wrong in a game. That's it. The treatment was great, and I felt myself relax, knowing I was in great hands.