Imperfection

s e v e n

I look to you and I see nothing

I look to you to see the truth
you live your life, you go in shadows
you'll come apart and you'll go blind

~•~

I sat down in front of Emma in Cobham Training centre. The white room suddenly feeling way smaller than it did before. In the three years I've been playing under Emma, she had never called me to talk besides training. My fingers were playing with my shirt nervously, I could feel the tension.

,,Look,", she started, sighing. ,,you're good Aurelia. You're really good." I looked up from my hands and to the blonde.

,,But?", I asked as she didn't continue. She had a sad smile on her face as she waited for what felt like centuries to continue. After a few more seconds she stood up from behind her desk, walking over to the door and opening it.

,,Pernille?", she asked. My breath hitched as I wondered what she was about to say. What would be so important that Pernille had to be with us? P entered with an worried face, sitting down she took my hand in hers. As Emma sat down again she finally continued.

,,As I said, you're really good Aurelia... but I think you need something to get better." I raised my eyebrow at the woman. The woman that always stood behind me when I needed her. I must say that I had full trust in her, I trusted her about my past and I trusted her about my future. I knew she only ever wanted what's best for me, but right then, I was scared what she'd make me do, because after all she decided what will happen to me. ,,I think you're great, but you need to see new things, get new experiences. I get after what happened to you, you need the comfort of a stable and permanent home, but now, to make you a better person and player, you need to get away from your comfort zone. Do you understand that?", Emma asked and I nodded quickly.

,,To be honest I wanted to talk to you about that anyway...I eh.. want to go to another club when my contract end-"

,,That's not needed.", she interrupted, I could feel my jaw dropping a little. ,,I know it's very unusual, but you'll leave before your contract ends. I was in contact with a club that I think will make you the best player to ever exist, even though you might not understand why.", she said, taking a few papers in her hands, before looking up at me again. ,,Aurelia, you'll be out on loan for the rest of the season at FC Bayern Munich."

Suddenly the world went quiet. I could feel myself staring at Emma. Why would she do that? Wasn't I good enough? Did I not do enough for the club? Only players that weren't quite good enough went out on loan. Didn't they want me here anymore? Why would they send me away when I would leave soon anyway? Did they want me gone immediately? I saw Emma's lips moving, but all I could here was blood rushing through my body, my heartbeat, the noises of the lamp that threw a white light on us. My body felt numb. Why couldn't I feel Pernille's hand? Was my breathe normal? Yes, it was. I wasn't having a panic attack. Was I? My head whipped around to Pernille, searching for help with my eyes. I couldn't get a word out? What the hell was happening? I saw Pernille standing up from her chair and taking my head in her hands. Her lips were moving, worry in her eyes. Why couldn't I hear her? She then pulled me into a hug. I felt my whole body relax as I could, finally, smell the familiar coconut scent again.

,,Shhhh. It's okay Aurie.", she spoke and slowly, all my senses came back. I sniffled and took a deep breath. There weren't any tears to wipe away.

,,Okay.", I mumbled in a small voice and Pernille sat down in her chair again.

,,I know very well this is not what you want, Aurelia.", Emma started once again, a, very rare, caring, almost motherly look on her face. ,,I'm not stupid, you know. I'm aware of you wanting to leave, and I can only assume where you want to go. I was talking a lot with Alexander Strauss these past months, making sure I'm doing the right thing. But Aurelia, after all I've seen and learned about you and FC Bayern I believe that this is the right choice. I know this will be hard and I'm very sorry that it happens to be Munich, but I want you to do the right thing. I'm doing this now, mid season, because I know you'll leave in the summer. I don't want you to make the wrong decision and if my decision was wrong, you'll be free to go somewhere else." I looked up at her. She seemed like she was caring so much for me, like she really wanted me to be alright. As I gazed Pernille, who was still holding my hand, she had a smile on her face.