Imperfection

t w e n t y s e v e n

little author's note: I haven't been writing anything these past months, let alone this book. Forgive me any grammar or vocabulary mistakes and also; forgive me being a little out of the story, so if any of this isn't making sense, I'm sorry. Maybe Aurie's relationships and mood will shift a little or her character in a whole, that's simply because I put a lot of my thoughts into her character and my thoughts are a lot different to how they were months ago. I kinda feel like I don't know any English anymore lol, so excuse this crap🥸

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ob mir das Angst macht, diggah safe

doch ich ich merke, wie es hilft und ich merke, wie's mich hält

Ich bin makko, ich hab jeden lieb, doch selten mal mich selbst

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I felt empty. Simply empty. Or at least, I felt confused. Like I was only experiencing everything happening from afar. Like my life was a movie and I was watching, sometimes chuckling about something Georgia had said, but most of the time just watching with a heavy feeling in my chest.

The days of camp went by too quickly for me to grasp and soon I was sat in a seat next to Niamh once again on our way back to England, but when I thought back, it felt like going to Spain in the first place was a year ago. I felt like breakfast this morning happened days ago and getting out of bed was something I couldn't remember at all.

I wasn't numb, like weeks ago in Munich. I was experiencing everything, realising everything happening around me, but I just... couldn't get a hold of anything.

My thoughts were roaming around Ona and how confusing, yet fascinating her acting towards me was. I didn't understand why she would be so dismissive towards me, but something about her just made her so interesting. And I felt the strong urge to be around her still.

I didn't understand any of it.

After a few hours later we landed in London. I wasn't feeling like socialising at all, hadn't been for the last few days, and even Niamh had stopped her little talks as I had gotten annoyed by it quite quickly, before politely asking her to shut up. And I felt bad about it. It wasn't something I would usually do, her talking without me listening being a thing since we first got to know each other, but somehow my social battery was just so, so empty, despite being around people that I loved.

I was being quite sensitive, thin-skinned even and everyone on the team noticed. I should've been grateful that all of them treated me the way they did, giving me the space and calmness I needed, but somehow being grateful or even happy about it was already way too draining. Being around people was too draining. Even being around Georgia was, and that had never happened before. 

We got off the plane and made our way to the training centre, moving into our hotel rooms right away for a little break as we'd have another training session in the evening. Sarina didn't tell me if I would get to play against Norway, but I didn't assume it as she was careful to form my training a little lighter. The temperature was still constantly around the 30°C and my dizziness was freaking everyone out. I felt lightheaded and giddy, even though I was sure that this wasn't just my usual disease.

My phone rang as I was laying on my hotel bed, my eyelids feeling heavy. It was Pernille.

,,Hello?"