Imperfection

t w e l v e

better luck next time

_______________________

Matchday. We had spend the evening just sitting in our usual group, Pernille and Magda joining of course, but I was barely able to get my mind off of this day. While the others still thought I was just nervous and Magda were knowing what was going on, I guess, Pernille trying more than once to talk to me until Magda told her to finally let me be. I had spend the evening in Magda's arms, her not leaving my side. Even though Pernille was the one I had always trusted and she could always calm me down, she sometimes was a bit much. I didn't blame her, it was great to have someone that truly cared for you, but in situations like these... It wasn't like I wasn't okay, nothing that Pernille had to calm me down from, it was just that my body fought against just the thought of playing and I couldn't make out why. I was zoning out, not really registering what was happening around me and definitely couldn't concentrate. I wasn't sure what I needed in that moment, but it wasn't someone that tried to make me talk about something that I didn't even understand. As I said, I didn't blame Pernille, knowing this was just how she was and loving it about her, but it caused me spending the night by Magda's side and not her's. I guess I was really lucky to have them both, because other than Pernille, Magda just caressed my covered skin, reassuring me that it would all be okay, even though it probably didn't seem like that. And still, I had spent the night like in trance, just like the last two days or so, and it kept me awake, until I once again noticed the sun shining through the light brown colored curtains, so I got up again, not even noticing the tiredness and opening the window. I walked over to my wardrobe, throwing on a Bayern tracksuit, before exiting the small room and entering the bathroom, opening the window to breathe in some of the still cool morning air as an attempt to wake up from this trance, but the world continued to be blurry. I held my toothbrush under the water before putting toothpaste on it and sticking it into my mouth. It felt like everything I did made my body ache. I only now realized how warm it had gotten, the temperature often climbing onto around 22°C, as I watched two birds sitting in a tree just besides the bathroom window, before they flew away. The more I did, the more nauseous I felt. I spit out the toothpaste and cleaned my mouth, before washing my face. I could just pretend I'm sick, I after all feel sick. I dried my face, before brushing my hair and messily putting it up into a bun. Should I wear makeup? It would make me seem more professional maybe. I let my hand drift over the cupboard with my makeup in it. They like pretty gir-

,,Morning.", Georgia smiled. I nodded as a quick greeting, snapping my hand away from the cupboard and leaving Georgia alone in the bathroom. Makeup would probably just make me look fake. I stepped into my room again, closing the window and opening the curtains, sunshine floating into the room. I could just let the others score and make assists. I quickly straightened my covers and pillows, putting a fleece blanket over it to protect it from unnecessary dirt. What if I don't get an assist? I didn't like dirt on my bed. They'd be even more disappointed then. I quickly grabbed my bag and exited the room once again, closing my door, Georgia rushed into her own room. Maybe I should just try and score. I grabbed my water bottle out of my sports bag once I got into the kitchen and took the old lemon from yesterday out, throwing it into the trash. What if I don't score? I grabbed a new lemon and cut two slices off, putting them into the water bottle again. I haven't played with this team once, what if I just play totally miserable after all and be the disappointment of everyone? I snatched out of my thoughts when my phone suddenly started vibrating.

Jill<3 is calling...

My breath hitched, all thoughts forgotten.

,,Yes?"

,,Hi Aurie!", her happy voice sounded through the phone.

,,Hey Jillie.", I smiled.

,,I wanted to wish you luck on your first Bayern Game! I saw on Instagram that you're starting."