memories ~ elmax ~

pt. 19

el's pov:

"im gonna go to my room im so tired.." i mumbled to my mom as we walked though the front door. "okay honey, thanks for helping today. i'll give you some money as a thank you tomorrow moring." she told me. i gave. a quick thumbs up and stumbled up the stairs into my bedroom. i opened the door and basically collapsed into my bed. today was alot busier then it had ever been before, and i was exhausted. i got underneath the blankets and was about to fall asleep when i suddenly realized something. i shot up in bed and looked beside me. next i looked all around my room. i stood up and got out of bed, and ran to my closet, swinging it open. nothing. i ran downstairs, and peeked my head into the kitchen, and living room. empty. i ran to the bathroom, and saw the light on. my heart started to beat normally once again and i could finally breath. the door opened up and johnathan walked out.

once i saw it was johnathan in there, my heart started to pound once again. "JOHNATHAN! have you seen max at all? i can't find her!" i asked him. "after you and mom went to work i saw her leave the house with a backpack, why?" he asked me. "FUCK." i yelled covering my face with both my hands feeling even more panicked and worried. "el tomorrow can you help me perpare my costume for halloween?" he asked me. "not now john! did you see which way she went when she left!?" i asked him. "i don't kno-"
"fuck!!" i yelled again running towards the front door. i struggled to put on my shoes and grab my jacket as i swung the door open. my heart began to beat normally once again when i saw max sitting down on the steps. "oh my god max! you gave me a heart attack i thought you left!" i told her as i could feel myself start to calm down. she stared at me blankly not moving or speaking at all.

"are you okay?" i asked her. she stayed silent. "here let me help you up." i said grabbing her hand and helping her up. as i touched her hand i could feel butterflies fill my stomach, but i pushed away those thoughts. i helped her inside, and up the stairs because she was struggling to walk and was stumbling all over the place. i helped her into my bedroom, and she basically fell down onto my bed. she immediately started to giggle and mumble some things that i couldn't make out. it sounded like gibrish. "max what is wrong with you!?" i asked as she was still uncomfortably laughing. "n-nothing. whz-what's wrong wifth y-you?" she asked inbetween giggles. once i realized what was wrong my heart sank again. "oh my god. max you're high aren't you..?" i asked her. "maybeee.." she said as her laughter finally died down. she struggled to sit up, but once she did she grabbed my hand and made me sit beside her.

"max- lay down. go to sleep." i told her trying to get her to lay down. "noo.. you're not my mom. my mom gives zero fucks about me." she mumbled and stumbled over her words. "well i do, max you need to go to sleep." i told her. "what i need is to kiss you el." she mumbled. once she said that my heart stopped. "wh- what?" i asked her not sure if i heard correctly. "i w-want to kissz you el." she said comming closer to my face. i could smell the alcohol and marijuana on her breath as her lips were inches away from mine. "no you don't max. your high out of your mind. you need some rest." i told her trying to make her lay down. suddenly she grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me towards her, and pressed her lips up agaist mine.

i was in shock, so i didn't kiss her back right away, but after a few seconds i gave in. i started to kiss her back, and i could feel butterflies flooding my stomach and my heart racing, but then i realized something. max is high as shit, she's not thinking right. what i'm doing is wrong. i quickly pulled away from the kiss and she looked confused. "max- you are high and probably drunk. this is not what you want." i told her as i could still feel my heart pounding. "ye- yez it is.. i w-want you." she stumbled over her words before trying to kiss me again. i pushed her away slightly and stood up off my bed. "this is wrong. i'm not kissing you while you're like this." i explained to her. "why do you not like me or som-something. yous seem pretty desperate to kiss me e-earlier." she stumbled over her words again.

"yes i was then- but.." i tried to explain. "i want to kiss you max, i do, but i'm not gonna take advantage of you. you could wake up tomorrow morning and regret everything." i explained to her. "no i won-tt. i like yooou." she said grabbing the collar of my shirt and pulling me back towards her. she pressed her lips against mine once more, and i tried to pull away but she was way stronger then me, even if she was high out of her mind and drunk. eventually i pushed her away from me, and anger flashed across her face. "i wan-t to kiss youu. i won't regret it." she tried to tell me again. "max please just go to sleep." i said trying to make her lay down. every single time i would try to make her lay down she would hit my arm and push me away. "if you're not gonna kiss me then fuck off.." she mumbled. "max please stop." i pleaded with her moving my arm so she would stop hitting me. i finally grabbed her hands so she would stop trying to hit me, and made her lay down. she tried to stay sitting up, but she eventually layed down. "fuck you.." she mumbled as i pulled the covers over her. "i ha-te yoou.." she mumbled again. i sighed and grabbed my pillow, and left my bedroom. there's no way i was gonna sleep next to her while she's like this.

everything that just happened just confused me even more. what if max really did want to kiss me- what if she actually likes likes me? why did i want to kiss her?

what if i actully like her?

but do i actully like girls?

my whole life i thought i was straight untill i met her

fuck

what if i'm not straight?

but all i know is..

i think i like max..

as more then a friend...