memories ~ elmax ~

pt. 22

max's pov:

el fucking hates me, i'm sure of that. there is no way she doesn't hate me. i'm trying to pay attention to the tv, but i can't. i am feeling so many different emotions right now, and it's just so fucking over whelming. i feel sad, embarrassed, angry, and like a fucking loser and idiot. i can't belive i just did that, el found out that i cut myself and instead of reacting like a normal human being, i freak out and try to run out of her house, and when i can't do that, i threatened her with a fucking baseball bat, and then tell her i like her! what the actual fuck is wrong with me? i hate me, i hate el, i hate EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. i just want to be dead. why can't i just die already? i should just ki-

"are you alright?" el asked me placing her hand on my knee. i immediately pushed her hand off of me and scooted away from her. "i'm fine.." i muttered feeling everything but fine. she stayed silent for a second, before speaking once more. "you can talk to me. i'm not going to judge you. you know that, right?" she asked me. "it's really none of your business." i told her. she looked down sadly at the blankets that were covering us, and sighed, before looking back up at me. "how about we talk about anything but what's going on then?" she suggested. "like what?" i asked her. she stayed silent for a second, and she looked deep in thought. she looked really cute when she was thinking. "how about we start off with just getting to know eachother?" she suggested.

i shrugged. i mean- it's not the worst idea. "so what's your favourite colour?" she asked me. "green." i blankly told her. "purple." she told me as she softly smiled. "favourite food?" she asked me."you first." i told her. she squinted her eyes and thought for a second. "pancakes." she told me. "eww, those sound nasty. that litteraly sounds like cakes that are made out of pans. fucking nasty." i slightly laughed. she crossed her arms and pouted. "fine miss max..." she stopped and waited for me to speak. i slightly laughed some more. "why do you need my full name? are you some sort of secret fbi agent or something princess?" i asked her. "i'll tell you my full name if you tell me yours and mine is embarrassing." she told me. "go ahead princess." i told her now crossing my arms. she took a deep breath and spoke. "jane eleven ives, but now it's jane eleven hopper." she told me.

my eyes widened and i couldn't help but burst out laughing. "ELEVEN? THATS WHERE YOU GET EL FROM?" i asked her. "yup, my dad had drank eleven beers when me and will were born so he was gonna originally call me eleven but they settled as a middle name," she told me. "now time to tell me your full name!" she encouraged. i groaned. "finee, it's maxine elizabeth mayfield." i told her. she smiled before speaking. "fine miss, max elizabeth mayfield. what food is better then pancakes?" she asked me. i thought for a second.. i haven't eaten that many foods that i can remember, but for whatever reason blueberry muffins stuck out to me. "blueberry muffins." i told her. she smiled once again and shrugged. "okay. suit yourself." she told me. i smiled almost ear to ear, actually feeling happy somewhat, and then i could feel butterflies forming in my stomach and the happiness immediately went away.

i just realized something. el doesn't like me, she's just playing and toying with my feelings. she's probably just trying to get me to trust her so i can open up, and she can humiliate me. i can't believe i ever thought for a second i could trust her! what is wrong with me? "hey, do you have any plans for tomorrow night?" el asked me. "i ran away el. you're the only person i know in california. what am i gonna do here?" i asked her with a sarcastic smile. "right- so um do you wanna come with me tomorrow? i'm gonna take my little brother trick or treating because it's halloween and all." she told me. "shit i don't know, doesn't that seem a little kiddish? i think i rather just stay here and watch tv." i told her not wanting to tell her i just don't want to be around her.

she frowned and sighed. "oh, well if you change your mind i would love for you to come." she told me placing her hand on my knee once again. i wanted to slap her hand off of me, but i just couldn't. just her touching me, gave me so many fucking butterflies. more then ever i just wanted to kiss her, but i couldn't show that. i need to grow the fuck up and move on from these feelings, she clearly doesn't like me and is giving me mixed signals just to hurt me. because that's all people do in my life. they hurt me.

"so do you want to continue watching tv, or what should we do?" she asked me.

i want you to stop playing with my feelings.

"uh, i don't know. what do you even do for fun around here?" i asked her. "i mean if it was day time we could've gone for a walk, gone to a pumpkin patch, gone to the arcade, anything like that." she told me. "well it's night princess, what do you do at night?" i asked her. she thought for a second, before she sat up really fast. "i just had an amazing idea, follow me." she told me jumping out of her bed and running over to the window and opening it. i stood up and followed her over to the window. without hesitation she climbed out of the window and jumped out of it, without warning. "fuck are you alive!?" i jokingly called out. she looked up at me, and stuck her arm out wating for me to grab it.

i sighed and grabbed her hand, and she pulled me down onto the roof below her window. "holy shit- this is cool as fuck princess." i said in awe looking around. "yeah- you can see the stars." she said pointing at the stars. she layed down on the roof and looked into the sky. "lay down ginger." she told me patting the spot next to her. "hold up- ginger!?" i asked her not knowing wether i should feel offended or not. "you have red hair. therefore, you're ginger, ginger." she grinned. i rolled my eyes and layed next to her. "it's almost as pretty as you." she said staring into the sky with her dark brown eyes. i looked over at her feeling confused, yet butterflies once more. i ignored what she said and tried to take a deep breath so i wouldn't get pissed off. i don't wanna ruin this moment.