memories ~ elmax ~

pt. 25

el's pov:

"this is gonna be so fun!!" johnathan said in an excited tone as he was jumping all over the place. i slightly smiled and nodded, but my smile fell immediately. "yeah.. fun.." i said tiredly. "el? what's wrong you were so excited for this." johnathan asked me as we stopped walking. "im sorry john. i just really wanted max to come but i think she's mad at me." i admitted to him. "that sucks but can we pleaseeee go knock on that house door? the decorations look so cool!" he said as he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the persons front door. he rang the doorbell, and an old woman opened the door. "trick or treat!" johnathan yelled, holding out his candy bag. she smiled and put some candy in his bag. "what are you dear?" she asked. "im a ghost buster!" he told her, smiling proudly. she smiled and wished him a good night, before shutting the door.

"let's go to that house!" johnathan told me running to the house next door. i smiled and chased after him. "hold on- let me grab my video camrea." i told him while grabbing my camrea and recording him knocking on the door. as he waited for the door to open, he turned around and grinned at the camrea.

maybe this halloween wouldn't be so bad after all.

~

"my feet hurt- don't yours?" i asked johnathan walking slowly behind him. "nope. how can you feet hurt when you are getting full sized candy bars!?" he asked me pulling out a full sized candy bar. "you're sharing right?" i asked him grabbing the candy bar. he rolled his eyes but kept on walking. it was getting pretty late out, and not many kids were still out. it was really cold out, and the breeze was not making it any easier. "hey bud- it's getting pretty cold. how about we head home soon?" i asked him while chattering my teeth. he frowned and then spoke. "you just want to go home to see max don't you?" he asked me. "what- of couse not. I'm just cold." i told him. "will told me that he thinks you like her more then us. is that true?" he asked me. "what!? of course not! i love you guys both equally." i told him without thinking.

as soon as those words escaped my mouth, i felt my heart stop. holy shit- did i just say i love max!?

do i love her?

"hey! it's mike's house!" john said pointing to mikes dorm apartment. i looked around and realized we're no where near our house- we're in the city instead of the nice neighborhood we live in. "how about we go ask if he had candy and can give us a ride home, 'kay?" i asked him. "yeah!!" john shouted excitedly, running to the door. i opened it, and the heating started to warm me up. we walked down the hallway, to room 106, and knocked on the door. i heard the music stop, and the sound of foot steps. mike opened the door, and johnathan smiled. "TRICK OR TREAT!" he screamed.
"hey buddy!!" mike smiled as john practically jumped into his arms. "i think i should have some candy laying around here some where." he told us, setting john down on the ground. will noticed us and stood up, and went to greet us.

"hey how's trick or treating?" he asked me. "fucking cold." i chuckled. "you guys can come in and warm up. we're just chilling." lucas called out. "alright, thanks." i thanked him, walking in. i fell down onto the couch, and grabbed a blanket and covered myself with it. i looked over at dustin who was just sitting there staring off into space. "hey, you good dusty?" i asked teasing him. "yeah, he's just had a little bit too much to drink." lucas explained. "he always gets really funny when he's drunk," mike chuckled handing john some candy.

"so did max come with you guys or stay home?" mike asked me slightly smirking. i stayed silent not even wanting to think about her. "have any more alcohol?" i asked him. he pointed to a half empty bottle on the table infront of me, and i grabbed it, drinking almost all of it in one sip. "woah slow down el! you good?" will asked me putting down johnathan's candy he just got from trick or treating. "im fine." i told him taking another sip. i know how irresponsible this is of me, getting drunk when i'm supposed to be watching johnathan, but i can't be the only sibling that watched him. will needs to step up too, plus lucas and mike are here too and their sober.

~

after around half an hour of drinking none stop water i'm pretty sober again, johnathan is passed out asleep on the couch, will and mike are talking, and lucas and dustin are just watching tv. i'm getting pretty tired and it's almost 10:30, and i need to go home to get some sleep. "mike can you drive us home if you don't mind?" i asked mike as he already had a drivers license and car. "yeah, sure." he said grabbing his car keys. "thanks- john wake up it's time to go." i said shaking john awake. he sat up and rubbed his eyes. "okay.." he mumbled grabbing his candy in one hand, and my hand in the other.

~

"thanks for driving us home mike." i thanked him as me, john, and will got out of the car. "anytime. see you guys! happy halloween!" mike called out as he drove away. i walked ahead of will and johnathan, as i needed to go to the bathroom quickly before i go to sleep.

i walked down the hallway, and realized the bathroom light was on. hm, maybe max just left it on- or it might be one of my parents.

i reached for the door handle, and opened it.

as i looked inside my heart sank and i felt like i was about to puke.

*tw self harm and suicide*

there laying on the ground, was max.

her arms were full of deep cuts, and she was bleeding. i could feel my eyes fill with tears and i couldn't move, all i could do was scream her name.

"MAX! no no no no no..." i repeated as i kneeled down beside her and tried to wake her up. tears were rolling down my cheeks and i couldn't breathe. "max no no no please don't leave me, MOM HELP!!" i screamed inbetween my sobs. "max please wake. don't leave me max please wake up." i kept on pleading as i continued trying to wake her up. i could hear the foot steps of someone running down the steps, asking what was wrong, but that's not what i was focusing on.

i was focusing on the fact i couldn't feel her heart beating.

her heart had stopped.