memories ~ elmax ~

pt. 23

el's pov:

i was staring down at max, and i couldn't help but smile. she looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. she fell asleep about an hour after we climbed onto my roof below my window, and i'm not strong enough to carry her so i just grabbed a blanket and covered her with it. i've slept on my room before so it's fine. my eyes drifted down to max's arms, and i still couldn't belive it. when i first met max i felt like there was something off about her, constant mood swings, constantly angry, she ran away from home, but i could of never imagined she cuts herself. i just couldn't believe it. last night i felt terrible, i just wanted to help her but i fucked everything up.

i should of just left her alone, maybe i should of let her leave- no who am i kidding!? if i let her leave she would of never came back, and if she did come back she would be high out of her mind or drunk again. i didn't want to deal with that again. also last night when she told me she has fleelings for me, i just didn't say anything and pretend it didn't happen. i feel awful, i don't wanna hurt her, but i just didn't know what to do. i think i like max as more then a friend, but how do i know? all my crushes have been on boys, not girls. what if i just like her as a friend? i couldn't take the chance of telling her i like her, and then not, and breaking her heart. i can't do that to her. i need to be 100% sure i have feelings for her, but i'm not. how do i know what i'm feeling is romantic or platonic?

i could hear the birds chirping in the distance, and the slight wind was causing the last bit of leaves on the trees to fall. autumn is my favourite season, it's not too cold, not too hot. plus it's halloween season, and i love scary stuff. speaking of halloween, it's halloween today, im taking my little brother, johnathan, out to trick or treat. i really hope max comes.

maybe so i don't cause a fight inbetween me and max so she can for sure come trick or treating, i might stay clear of her for most of today. maybe i could hang out with some of me and will's friends because we have the same friend group. i guess that's just the thing with twins, we share practically everything. it's gonna suck having to stay away from max. i don't know why but i just want to spend every single waking moment with her. i mean- sure she is really mean and gets really angry sometimes, and her moods are unpredictable, but i mean.. i like hanging out with her.. i like hanging out with her a lot..

~

"hey! what's up guys?" will asked as he high fived lucas. "hey man!" lucas responded. "hey what are you guys doing later tonight? i'm thinking about having a party at my dorm room." mike told us. mike was the oldest out of the group, he is almost 21, turning 21 in december, lucas is 19, and same with dustin, so that leaves me and will as the youngest because we just turned 18 a couple months ago. me and will have been friends with mike, lucas, and dustin since we were all kids, and we've stayed in contact. will and mike are the closest, i know dustin thinks they're going out, or gonna go out eventually, and i completely agree. "i'll be there for sure." dustin told mike. "count me in too!" lucas added. "will, you in?" mike asked. "yeah fuck it, i'll come. what about you el?" he asked me. "cant, i'm taking john out trick or treating, remember?" i told him.

"oh yea- you're okay to go alone right?" he asked me. "if not i can ask mom if she can go with you." he continued. "no, i think max might come." i told him. "oooh, who's max?" lucas teased. "a psychopath that el is obsessed with." will chimmed in. "shut up will!" i said shoving him. "oh i'm sorry- el's psychopathic girlfriend." will teased again. "seriously! shut the fuck up will!" i yelled at him as he laughed. "nah for real- who's max?" dustin asked. "she's my friend that's staying with us for a while. will thinks she's psycho but she's perfectly sane." i told him. "why? what's she do?" mike asked. "nothing, she just has some issues.." i told them. they stayed silent, but i also did. i think they were expecting me to tell them what issues she had, but i was not going to tell them.

i promised her those would stay inbetween us and they will.

i really hope she does come trick or treating with me and johnathan. she woke up a few hours after me, and we didn't really talk. i just told her i was gonna go meet some friends for a few hours, and i would be home around 8pm, and to be ready if she was comming. it's around 12pm right now, so she has some time to herself to cool off.

"do you guys wanna head to the arcade?" will suggested. "yeah! i need to beat your high score on dig dug!" dustin said playfully punching lucas in the arm. "no way. not happening. i'm the master at dig dug." lucas grinned. "okay- we'll see about that!" dustin said as he suddenly sprinted off towards the arcade. will chased after them, leaving just me and mike. i've always been the closest to mike, he's honestly one of my best friends. if wills does have a crush on him, i can see why. i obviously don't have a crush on him, i used to when i was maybe about 11 or 12, but it didn't last long. he's just my friend now.

we were walking in silence, when he suddenly spoke. "hey- was will joking when he said max was a psycho?" he asked me. "yes- she is not a psycho, she just has some issues. she's not dangerous."

i hope..

"okay, that's good. i just want will to be safe." mike admitted to me. i stopped walking and turned to look at him, and he stopped and looked at me with a confused expression. "uh- mike. by any chance do you maybe have a crush on will?" i asked him. his face turned bright red immediately, and he started to stutter and stumble over his words like he always did when he was nervous. "wh-what!? no- who said that? 'cause i didn-"
"mike! calm down! it's okay." i chuckled at watching now embarrassed he was. "okay fine i do! just please don't tell him! i know twins tell ecahother their secrets-"
"actually no- not really. will doesn't know my secret." i smiled as i could feel my face turn red. i kept on walking, and he speed walked to catch up to me. "and what that might be i ask?" he asked me.

"uhm.." i stuttered as i could feel myself blushing. "promise not to tell anyone?" i asked him. "pinky." he said sticking out his pinky. we pinky swore, and then i took a deep breath. "i think i might like max as more then a friend. i mean sometimes will is completely right and she acts like a complete psychopath- like last night she threatened me with a baseball bat, and she can be really mean and the other day she came home drunk and high out of her mind and i found drugs in her backpack-"
"woah woah slow down! el i don't think max is a good person," mike told me. "i mean she sounds like she could get you into trouble." he continued.

i sighed and continued speaking. "yeah i know, but i mean.. mike sometimes she can be really sweet and cute, she knows just the right things to say that give me butterflies, and i just wanna lean in and kiss her.. y'know?" i asked him. "i know that feeling.. have you met your brother?" he asked me. "sadly." i laughed. we kept on walking in silence before i spoke again. "i've never liked a girl before, i don't know if what i'm feeling is even romantic." i admitted to him. "el, you just told me you want to kiss her. i say if she makes you happy and you think she likes you ask her out, shoot your shot girl." he teased slightly pushing me.

i smiled and pushed him back.

"she does make me happy... really happy."