memories ~ elmax ~

pt. 34

el's pov:

11/01/88
dear diary,
it has been a few hours since we have gotten home from the hospital, and she has been quiet all day. she has barley spoken to me at all. i'm really worried about her. i still can't believe she is my girlfriend, i always thought i was straight. every crush i've had has been a boy, but then she came along and now i like girls. i don't know my exact sexuality yet, i think i might still like boys, but i definitely like girls. when i know the first people i'm telling are max, will, then my parents. i know they all support lgbtq because will is gay. he came out when he was 14, and mom and hopper have always shown him support, so they will support me. back to max, i'm worried. i can't imagine how hard it is going to be, or has been for her. having borderline personality sounds awful. mom stopped by the library and got me some books on it, i've read them all cover to cover, and i'm just going to try my best to help her and be there for her. right now i just want to kiss her, but she's sleeping. she's been sleeping the whole day. i get she must be exhausted. i get she's probably scared too. i'm scared for her. i don't want her to ever hurt herself again, or have any bad thoughts ever. i don't know what i would do without her. i know i have only met her a week ago, but it feels like i've known her my whole life. i don't know how i did live without her before.

"what are you writing?"

i looked up and saw max staring at me with her sleepy eyes. i smiled and set down my diary. "don't worry about it, how are you feeling?" i asked her. "i'm really hungry.." she told me. "okay, how about we go downstairs and get the dinner leftovers, okay?" i told her grabbing her hand. "i slept though dinner? why didn't you wake me up?" she asked me. "because you are really cute when you sleep, and you need rest." i told her. she smiled and her face turned slightly red.

we walked downstairs, and she saw the clock. "holy fuck i've been asleep for 6 1/5 hours?" she asked me as i grabbed a plate. "you should of woken me up." she continued. "i just told you, it's alright." i reassured her. i know she's going to need lots of reassurance, so i'm giving that to her. i grabbed the leftovers out of the fridge, and put them onto a plate and handed them to her. she smiled again, and when she grabbed the plate i could feel our hands brush against each others, and that made my heart melt, and i just got so many fucking butterflies. she sat down at the table, and i sat down beside her.

we were sitting in silence, before i spoke. "so blueberry muffins, huh? how do those beat pancakes?" i asked her bringing up the conversation we had a few days ago. she stopped eating her food, and turned to look at me with her mouth wide open. "because pancakes sounds disgusting-"
"hey- you need to try them before you judge." i cut her off by saying. "yeah- not happening. what could happen though is blueberry muffins." she grinned.

"okay- random question. this tests our relationship. does pineapple belong on pizza?" i asked her. "i don't remember trying it but it sounds amazing." she told me. "right!? i don't understand how people hate it? it's so good. and don't even get me started on that 'fruit on pizza' shit because it's not bad." i told her. "one time we need to try it- ooh same with ice cream and french fries! so good!" i told her. "salt and sweet? mm, i don't know about that.." she told me before taking a bite of some broccoli. "trust me. it's good." i told her. "okay.." she said sounding kinda weirded out.

~

"hey have you ever seen the movie back to the future?" i asked her. "i don't know, maybe." she told me. "hm okay, what about ghost busters?" i asked her again as we made our way upstairs. "no idea." she responded again. "how do you not know?" i asked her slightly giggling. she looked over at me and slightly raised her eyebrows. "oh fuck i'm so sorry, i don't know how i forgot." i apologized. she ignored me, and we silently walked into my bedroom. "max I'm so sorry. i don't know how i forgot." i apologized again.

i honestly and truly felt terrible. i guess just the stress of everything has my mind preoccupied and distant to the fact she lost her memory. i felt like shit now. i don't know how i'm supposed to prove i'm really sorry without just saying sorry a trillion times. "please believe me i'm so sor-"
before i could finish my sentence, she turned around and grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to her. she immediately kissed me, and as she did that i could feel my heart start pounding in my chest. without thinking twice, i immediately kissed her back. she moved her hands from my waist, to up to my shoulders. suddenly i felt her slightly push me onto my bed, separating our lips. "is everything oka-"
before i could finish speaking she cut me off by asking me a question that both confused me, and made my heart pound a million miles an hour.

"would you ever have sex with me?" she blankly asked me.

i stared up at her in confusion, and slight shock. "wh- what?" i asked her. she sighed and then turned around. "fuck i'm so sorry i don't know why i just asked you that.." she said as she brought her hands up to her face and covered her face. "you don't have to answer that. i don't know why i just did that. i'm so sorry i don't know what's wrong with me." she said turning back around to face me. i stayed silent for a second, before speaking. "borderline personality disorder. you have borderline personality disorder." i told her. she looked over at me, and blankly stared at me. "wh- what? how do you know that?" she asked me. she looked really confused, but also nervous.

"my mom told me. you don't have to hide things from me max, i'm here for you. i'm always gonna be here for you." i told her as i grabbed her hands.
"i love you, okay? i know it's so fucking soon to be saying that but-"
"i love you too." she cut me off by saying.
"you do?" i asked her.
"i do." she replied.
i couldn't help but smile.
"can i kiss you?" she asked me.
"i love you, you love me. you don't need to ask."

she smiled and leaned in, and kissed me.

after a few seconds i pulled away, and hugged her.

"i'm always gonna love you max." i told her.