memories ~ elmax ~

pt. 20

max's pov:

as soon as i opened up my eyes, my head started to pound. i looked around and my heart sank. "oh fuck..." i mumbled realizing i was at el's house, in her bedroom. why the fuck am i here!!? of course i was enough for an idiot to come back here while i was drunk. i touched my head, and it felt like somebody hit my head with a baseball bat a trillion times. i looked beside me, and around the room for el, but then suddenly all the memories of last night came flooding it. i wasn't sure if it was a dream or not, but i'm scared i was enough for an idiot and it was reality. i looked over, and her pillow was gone. fuck.
im assuming that meant everything that happened last night was not a dream. i glance at the clock and realized how late i slept in. it was 3pm already, yet i wanted to keep sleeping because i was so exhausted. fuck i'm so hungover. i stood up out of her bed, and stumbled out. i stumbled down stairs, and saw el sitting on her couch with a blank expression. she looked up and saw me, and her facial expression didn't change. "w-was that a dre-"
"no." she cut me off by saying. "oh.." i mumbled feeling more embarrassed then i've ever felt in my entire life. the embarrassment quickly left and got over taken by anger. i can't believe i was actually enough for an idiot to actually get like that, and then come back here and do that.

she for sure is going to hate me now, and make me leave her house. i mean, i don't give two fucks though, i was planning on leaving either way.. i just wasn't hoping it would happen by me getting kicked out. el stood up and walked towards me. i could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my face turn bright red. everything was going in slow motion, untill she spoke. "max. give me the weed and alcohol." she blankly said. "wha- i don't have-"
"max. you showed up here high out of your mind and black out drunk and then tried to-"
"fuck fine! have the stupid ass drugs." i groaned not wanting to hear what she was about to say next. we both know it happened, i just didn't want to hear it again.

"where are they?" she asked me. "in my backpack." i told her. she stayed silent, and walked past me, and walked up stairs. i quickly followed her, and we walked into her bedroom. she glanced around looking for my backpack, before she spotted them. she quickly grabbed it and unzipped it, and looked inside. she sighed and looked back up at me once she saw what was inside. "max.. where did you even get these..?" she asked pulling out the bottle of alcohol and the weed. "no where." i muttered. "max. i wanna help you okay? i can't help y-"
"holy shit! how many times do i need to tell you el!? i don't need your help! i don't need anyone's help! i'm fucking fine!" i yelled at her. she stayed silent as she set down my backpack, and clutched the drugs and alcohol. "do you want some lunch?" she asked me.

i stayed silent, but eventually nodded. "you don't have to worry about acting like your not hung over either. my parents are at work then their going on a date, will is at his bestfriend mikes house, and johnathan is at a sleepover." she muttered leaving her bedroom, leaving me all alone again. i sighed and sat down on her bed. right now i'm feeling so many different mixed feelings and emotions. i feel sad, embarrassed, but mostly angry. im so fucking angry that i could do this. not just comming back here, but also what i did to el. i feel disgusted with myself. i'm so happy i got to kiss el- but what i did was fucking disgusting. how could i..?

one of the worst parts of getting drunk and high last night was that i wanted to do it again. it got my mind off of everything, even if it was just for one night, i wanted more. i guess this is how neil and billy felt..? i mean at this point, can i even blame them? i don't know.. all i know is my head is killing me.

~

"max, max wake up," el wispered as she shook me awake. i opened my eyes and saw el leaning over me. "you fell asleep." she told me. i yawned and sat up. "oh, did you make lunch? i'm really hungry." i told her as i could feel my stomach starting to hurt. "yeah but i put yours in the fridge because you fell asleep, so you want it now?" she asked me. "uhm yeah sure," i told her glancing out the window to see the sun had already gone down. shit i guess i slept the whole day away. "what time is it?" i asked her as i got out of bed. "it's almost 8. i guess you were really tired." she chuckled. "yeah, i guess so.." i agreed, following her out of her bedroom and going downstairs.

"i hope you like macaroni because that's all i know how to make." she told me as i sat down at her kitchen table. she opened the fridge, and got out the macaroni, and placed it infront of me. "here you go." she smiled. "thanks.." i slightly smiled taking a bite of it. to be honest, it wasn't the best. but it was better then no food. "listen, about last night-"
"i'm so sorry el. i was drunk and i was such a fucking idiot-"
"it's fine max. it's fine i understand. i'm not mad." she reassured me. i took a breath of relief and calmed down a tiny bit. "so can we put this all behind us and pretend it never happened?" i asked her. she stayed silent for a minute before she spoke. "no." she told me. "i want to talk about this some more, when you're done eating do you want to go on a walk?" she asked me.

i hesitated for a second, but agreed. "yeah, i guess so.. i'm not very hungry anymore so i will go get changed." i told her pushing away the bowl of macaroni. she nodded and grabbed the bowl and dumped it into the garbage can while i stood up and went upstairs to her bedroom. i shut the door behind me, and grabbed my backpack. i took off my shirt, leaving me just in my bra and jeans. i was about to put on my shirt, before i heard el's voice and spun around to face her forgetting i wasn't wearing a shirt.

"hey on the walk do you wan-" she stopped once she noticed i wasn't dressed. "oh shit i'm sorry i should of knocke-" she stopped mid sentence once again once she noticed my arms. "max- what's on your arms?" she asked me comming closer. suddenly out of no where- i felt a million diffrent emotions at once. shock, sadness, embarrassment, but mostly anger. my whole chest felt like i was gonna explode and i just wanted to scream. if felt like everything was red, that's all i could see. this was the most angry i've ever felt in my entire life.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! ITS FUCKING NOTHING LEAVE!" i screamed at her hiding my arms. she ignored me and grabbed my arm. i tried to pull away my arm, but it was too late. she saw...

everything...