A sad and calm chapter.
In the end
When you miss summer in a bag, remind yourself of the bitterness that awaits if you go back to how you used to be.
Will it be worth it in the end?
Maybe now the high feels like something you miss, but this is not the life you want. Do anything you need to do to stay sober because you know it is not worth it.
How will it feel knowing that you drug everyone out the door? They love you, but they can't hold on when you don't let them.
How will it feel to choke on your vomit? To know that you could have been so much more if you wanted it badly enough.
I imagine myself sitting in a house alone, realizing that life has passed me by, knowing I don't have much longer left.
Rainy
I can feel a fog settling in, as it often does. I finally admit to myself the gray that surrounds me is present and I am left to wonder how long it would stay this time.
This is just life, this is just the way I am, the sun shines brightly and the rain clouds pour heavily.
I know I am becoming depressed again because nothing fills me, nothing excites me like it used to.
I love writing but I can't seem to find the words or cut out the right ones. The magazine collage is painful to look at, but I hang it on my pink walls anyways, maybe when I wake up tomorrow morning I will like it.
I spend the whole day waiting until the sun goes down.
Things aren't what they used to be, I do believe you can be happy and depressed at the same time, I feel that way, I feel that way a lot.
Because in a way this is the happiest time of my life, this is when things ache less.
I am finally breathing, so even in the lonely evenings I am still in the iris season.
Please god keep me sober
I hold and rock myself like a child. Tears stream down my face. I miss it so much.
In my dimly lit bedroom I wonder if maybe this time I could control myself, if maybe this time it won't ruin me.
It never goes as planned, I know that. Whatever lies I tell myself won't feed me.
I wrap my hands together and pray. God keep me sober, please. God I need to stay sober please help me stay sober. God please help me.
The cravings are dulled. I start to think that maybe I can do this. I stop floating in the clouds and feel my feet on the wood beneath me.
YOU ARE READING
Sincerely October
PoetryThis poetry book was written having multiple narratives, lots of happiness and healing, lots of aching and low points. I choose the title "sincerely October" to capture being authentic.
