Sincerely October

Gallery - Graveyard

G words for dictionary poetry.

Gallery
For so long I thought I didn't have a chance, I'm too far gone, what else is there? What is left for someone like me?
I believed I was destined for a grim life, it seemed far too bleak not to be, but I have a chance, I always did.
I walk into a large gallery and look at all the lives I can live.
Will you throw it all away? Will you chase the high that stopped being possible long ago? Will you let this kill you? Will you be defined by your addiction?
Will you make something of yourself? Will you try your best?
Will you be a bitter and aching memory of those who once knew you? Will you be another story of something that could have been?
Will you show them you care? Will they keep you sober when you can't do it yourself? Will you hold them close and let them in?
Will you die knowing you could have been so much more? Will you choke on your own vomit wishing you could have been different? Will you regret the way you choose to live?
Will you die knowing you did your best? Will you die happy that you lived the way you did?
I stand in the galley. It's all in front of me. It's my choice now.

Garden
I return from the store with a bag full of seeds, I plant them in the ground with a happy heart, this will be something beautiful one day.
I check on my flowers everyday, I wonder when they will bloom, I daydream about the moment in which they are vibrant and lovely.
I peek out the kitchen window wondering if they got any bigger than they were this morning, they didn't.
I watch them through rain and sun, I watch as they get taller but they are yet to bloom.
Soon a friend calls and I leave for a few days. I wonder if my flowers will survive. I pray for rain and warmth.
I visit my friend and for a moment I forget about the flowers, I forget about my marigolds and roses, for a moment they leave my mind.
When I arrive back at my home I glance outside and I see that my flowers are in bloom, I see shades of pink, purple, and orange. I stepped outside and admired the lovely things they have become.

Genesis
When I began writing I assumed this would be another phase I would soon grow bored of.
I wrote on my phone that glowed in my dark bedroom, it was almost christmas and I believed this wouldn't last until new year. Another thing that will soon be abandoned for something that looks better, but it stuck.
I began to love writing, even when I would go weeks or months without I would always come back with stories to tell.
I always circled back to writing, I wanted to capture my life. I had thoughts I wanted to share and stories I wanted to tell.
I remember when I had my idea for dictionary poetry, I still feel the happiness I felt when I held my book in my hands, it was Christmas again.
It was the start to something beautiful, I have found myself through writing and have connected to people who would never know me without it.

Genuine
I can ignore the truth as much as I want, I'll close my eyes if I wish but that will not change what stands in front of me.
I have tried to ignore things, but the truth only gets louder, it becomes harder to deny.
There was a moment in which this settled in, this is the way it is, this is the way it always has been, and likely the way it always will be, no amount of chosen ignorance will change this, I can make myself sick or I can learn to live with the truth.
Learning to live with it has been disorienting, I am still finding my way, but now I know I will get there.

Ghost
Sometimes I feel like a ghost in my own life.
I stand in the edges of the room, I'm somewhere else, I have one foot here and one on a planet that doesn't exist.
I don't know how long I have been standing under these white sheets but it feels like it's been an awfully long time.
I'm not entirely here, my mind is elsewhere and I live in my mind, I always have.
My feet are on the ground but my head is in the clouds.
I may have stood with you and held your hand through that moment but I wasn't there, not honestly.
I was in the back of my head or watching us from the corner of the room, I think I always am.