Fuck You, Dixon! (Daryl Dixon x reader)

Chapter 58: Acceptance

WARNING: Mention of PTSD/mental health and torture. If that upsets you please avoid this chapter and wait for the next! Love you all. <33
Also, this one's a long one, so buckle up!

I was scared that everyone would judge me for my past...that I was weak, or pathetic...just like everyone else had always told me...
Or they'd think I was some kind of monster or I was insane, or stupid...
But they didn't. They stood by my side and comforted me...
They accepted me...
These strangers who I just happened to come across one day, were there for me. They took my side when even my own family didn't back then...
These strangers, my group...my people...
they were more of a family than my real family ever were...

Before...on the road...after the barn got overrun...When I woke up, I said that the group felt like family, but...I didn't entirely mean it back then, nor did I believe it. I cared for them and I didn't want them to die, but...I only ever viewed them as friends because Glenn viewed them that way. I only ever cared because I couldn't stand people getting hurt...I couldn't bare the past repeating itself...

I thought they only kept me around because of Glenn...or because I was strong, or useful...
I thought things were the same as they always were...but they weren't...

Seeing them now...I understood everything a lot better...
I understood why Glenn worried so much for me, why Carol and Rick would nag so much...
It was because they cared. They truly cared. Like family. Like mom used to.

I wasn't alone. I never was.

I realised that now..
They didn't keep me around for Glenn or themselves...
They kept me around because they wanted me here...because they cared...
because they accepted me for who I was...
Because we were family.

I don't think I could ever forget the past, or even get over it...I don't think I could ever forgive myself for it either...
But...with the group by my side, my family, by my side...
I think I can finally begin to try...

But healing also meant opening up...
And telling them about what happened in Woodbury...

I'd be lying if I said I was fine. I wasn't. The Governor...
He hadn't broken me, but...It'd take a while to heal...to get over the memories..
It wasn't what he did that hurt me, but the fact that he enjoyed it. That he laughed...
It reminded me of Dalilah...the old memories...

As for what he did...what happened in that arena...all those people...
I don't think I could ever look at others the same again...
I don't think I could just trust another again or give them second chances...
Not for a long time at least...

Everything...the fact that it had repeated...I'd be lying if I said it hadn't broken me in some way.

I was reluctant to tell the others though, not because I couldn't bare the thought, but because I didn't want them to treat me any differently...
That's what I fear the most...
If they changed...if they treated me like I was about to break...
It'd make everything too real. And even besides that, I hated being looked down on the most...being treated like I was weak...
I wouldn't be able to take that...
Not from them.

Everyone continued to stay by my side as Hershel checked over my injuries and cleaned them. Even Merle and some woman I didn't know were here. It made me uneasy. I didn't know her, and I didn't know why she was here. I didn't know how or why Merle decided to come here either, but they were here nonetheless.