Fuck You, Dixon! (Daryl Dixon x reader)

Chapter 99: Bloodletting

A/N: Buckle up buckaroos...this...it's gonna be a longan. It's even longer than last chapter, so....enjoy????

Song: Trying My Best, By Anson Seabra.

------------------------------------------------------------

By the time I managed to come to my senses and remember where I was, I wasn't alone anymore, at least not alone with Daryl anymore.

I don't know how long they had been there, but Glenn and Maggie were holding me tightly in their arms and both Rick and Daryl were stood behind us.

Everything felt dizzy as I tried to remember what I was doing before I had blacked out, and my memories took over, but the moment I started to think, everything ached.

However, it didn't take me long to remember when my eyes landed on T's unconscious body, which I'm sure Glenn was shielding me from.

I remember now...why I was here...and what brought the memories back..

I thought after everything I had been through...after the governor...after everyone's help...I thought I had finally gotten over everything just because the nightmares stopped.

But I was wrong.

The past wouldn't let go so easily.

Noticing I was finally lucid, Glenn and Maggie muttered and spoke to me, whispering things that didn't quite reach my ears. I knew they were talking. I saw their mouths move, but...I couldn't hear a single thing. It all just felt like...
buzzing in my ears.

I knew Rick and Daryl were talking too, but, again, I couldn't focus on a single word. I couldn't hear anything.

I only had one thing on my mind, playing on loop and repeating itself.

The moment I severed T-dogs hand.

One thought kept looping in my head.

What had I done?

I couldn't bare the thought of losing another friend, or someone dying in fear that I...I ended up being selfish.

I couldn't bare the loss...so I made the decision for him...even though I knew it should have been his to make.

He wanted to die peacefully...but I caused him more pain.

In the fear of losing another friend...
In the fear of someone dying in fear rather than peace...

I became what I feared.

I tried so hard to protect people from ever feeling like I had...I never wanted anyone to feel that hopeless, that weak or that pain...but in the end...I caused all of that...

I wanted protect people, especially those who couldn't protect themselves...

But...

I realise now that...I was wrong in doing so.

The best way to protect people...it's to let them protect themselves.

T-dog wanted to protect himself from the pain of turning...of dying...but I caused much more pain in an effort to save him...which he didn't even want.

It wasn't his choice. Just like Dalilah protecting me...it was not mine.

I never wanted people to be forced into a corner like I had...to live in fear and have no choice in how things went...

I wanted to protect people from that.

But in my effort to do so...I took their choice away.