Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 3

It had been a week since Billie Joe has heard from the voice in his head. What he thought at first would be a peaceful situation, turned out to be torture. Billie never realized how much he talked to the voice in his head. He never realized how much the voice kept him company. Soon Billie started to realize that he wanted the voice back. He was so...lonely.

Billie also never realized how much he was by himself. Tré seemed to be avoiding Billie Joe for what seemed to be the event that took place a Billie's house that night. Mike was always away. He was either spending time with his family or vacationing with Brittany. Billie knew he should be spending time with his family as well, but for some reason he felt further from them recently. He desperately tried to convince himself that it had nothing to do with the conversation that he had with the voice.

So Billie Joe found himself once again alone in his cold house. He sat with his knees to his chest while looking out the window of his bedroom.

Soon the silence became too much to handle. Billie began gritting his teeth and digging his nails into his palms. He was so frustrated. Why was the voice ignoring him?

"Why haven't you talked to me recently?" Billie Joe asked.

No answer.

"I'm really sorry about what I said. You do matter to me. I want you here. You're the only one I have...to talk to. Everyone left me," Billie muttered.

Nothing.

"I know you're mad, but I got frustrated. I know you aren't the most pleasant person when it comes to making me realize my thoughts," Billie said.

No answer, again.

At this point Billie wanted to give up. Even the annoying voice inside his head won't talk to him. Granted it isn't the nicest thing on earth, and it certainly has ruined Billie Joe's life. But there was something about being alone that Billie didn't want to experience. Billie Joe didn't want to be...alone.

So Billie cried. He cried because no one was there for him. He hasn't talked to his kids in days; he's scared to. Billie is scared that they don't want to talk to him. Now he doesn't even have the voice to keep him company. He cried until they turned into sobs. His whimpers scratched his throat and his face was soaked with the salty tears. He heaved in air, but he couldn't calm himself down. He just wanted to cry.

Aww, Billie Joe. Don't cry buddy.

Billie gasped in disbelief.

You're such a baby. Why the fuck are you crying? Boo hoo, Billie boy is alone. No one will ever want to be around you, so you might want to get used to those tears.

"Where have you been? Why did you leave me?" Billie Joe sobbed.

I left because you wanted me to. I came back so you would shut the hell up. I'm tired of your whining and crying.

"I don't understand why you're so cruel. I never did anything to you," Billie choked out.

Face it Billie Joe, you didn't want me back. You just didn't want to be alone. What's so wrong with having some alone time? Are you scared or something?

"I'm not scared of anything," Billie said.

Not even me?

Billie Joe stayed quiet.

I have told you before Billie Joe. I have love for you. I care about you more than you think. You should see what's going on inside of here. I'm the one that keeps you sane. I keep you under control.

"You're the one making me INsane. My mind would be perfectly fine without your help," Billie shot back.

Is that right? Well, let be ask you something Billie boy. What did you start doing to yourself when I wouldn't respond?

Billie's mind flashed back to when he dug his nails in his hands and clenched his teeth.

Exactly. I may be cruel, but I'm helping you.

"If you're helping me, then why are you ruining my life? Why are you causing me to second guess everything I do? Why did you tell me some day I will die because of you?"

Oh I only said that because you will. Eventually I will get to you, and you'll be begging someone to snap your neck. You'll want it to be over. You'll WANT to die. I just have to make sure that you knew what you had to know in life, which is that you're not perfect. Life isn't perfect or fair. I want you to die knowing that you lived a good life.

"It's impossible to love a good life with you here," Billie mumbled.

If I recall, you were just begging me to come back a few minutes ago.

"I was lonely."

You were being a coward.

"I am not a coward!"

Coward.

"FUCK YOU!" Billie Joe shouted.

Billie instantly wanted to take it back. Mike walked in on Billie rocking himself back and forth shouting at something that only existed in his head. He started to wish the voice would just leave again.

"Billie Joe?" Mike asked.

Billie wanted to stop, but he kept rocking himself. A harsh shiver ran up his spine and his eyes were wide with fear.

"Are you okay buddy?" Mike asked walking over to Billie.

Billie Joe waited to Mike to come over and start rubbing his back and tell him it's okay, but Mike didn't do that. Mike kept his distance. He carefully eyed the small, helpless boy and couldn't help but feel threatened.

Billie finally turned his head towards Mike with swollen red eyes. Mike almost gasped with shock. Billie had dark bags under his puffy eyes and his hair was a greasy mess. He was wearing the same clothes that Mike saw him three days ago in.

"Mikey," Billie croaked before he lunged himself towards his only trusted person on the planet.

Mike hesitated, but eventually wrapped his arms around Billie. Mike was confused and frightened by his friend, but he stayed by his side no matter what. He wanted to know if Billie...was going mad.

"What's happening to you Bill?" Mike choked out as he began to cry. He moved one hand away from Billie's waist and cupped his dark hair. He slowly moved his finger through his hair, ignoring the fact that it was so dirty.

"I-I can't tell you Mike," Billie muffled into Mike's shirt, moving closer to Mike.

"Why not?" Mike asked.

"It could...it could kill me," Billie whispered.

Mike pulled away and put his hands on Billie's shoulders and looked into Billie's eyes. Their happy green shine had faded to a unfriendly dark shade of green.

Billie Joe hesitated, but finished.

"And it's all my fault."