Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 25

A few minutes after Mike had left, Billie heard the phone ring. He jumped up from his comfortable position on the couch to answer it. Having to get up involuntarily annoyed him.

Billie Joe made sure to look at the caller id before answering. He didn't want to answer the phone to what could be the police. He knew if he did that he'd be in jail by tomorrow.

Billie let out a happy sigh seeing the number. He threw his hand over his mouth and started to tear up. While the phone continued to ring, he just stood there and nodded with his eyes squeezed shut. The caller was Joey.

He picked up the phone before it rang through. Before he pressed answer he let out a whimper.

"Hello?" Billie Joe asked, though he didn't have to know that it was his son.

"Dad?"

Billie Joe fell to his knees out of sadness mixed with happiness. He was so glad that Joey had called him after what seemed to be years. He thought Adrienne would never let him or Jakob talk to him again.

"Daddy? Are you there?" Joey whispered. Billie could tell he was trying to keep his voice low.

"Yeah...yeah I'm here buddy," Billie Joe croaked.

Billie heard Joey sigh from the other side of the phone. It sounded long awaited and sad. He heard a sniff before Joey spoke again.

"We miss you," Joey managed to get out before he started to sob.

Billie's heart crushed at the sound of Joey crying. He wanted to curl up and bawl his eyes out too, but he knew he had to be there for Joey. He had to be the strong one. He didn't want to be like some of the dads in the world that weren't the rock for their kids to lean on.

"I miss you too...so so much," Billie Joe whispered.

"Jakob wants to talk to you first. I'll talk to you after him," Joey said.

Billie nodded. He instantly mentally slapped himself, completely forgetting that Joey couldn't see him. Before he could answer out loud, he heard Joey hand the phone over to Jakob.

"Daddy?"

"Hey squirt," Billie Joe answered.

"Where are you?" Jakob mumbled. He sounded deeply concerned for his dad.

"I'm at Mike's house," Billie answered vaguely. He prayed that Jakob didn't know what he had done.

"Oh..." Jakob whispered. For some reason he sounded disappointed.

Billie looked down at his hands as he sat on the cold tile floor. He felt ashamed that his kids missed him and cried for him over something he did. He felt responsible.

"When can we see you again?"

"Soon I hope," Billie smiled. His heart warmed up at how anxious his boys were to see him again.

"I miss you so much daddy. Mommy won't let us talk to you," Jakob whispered.

Billie Joe clenched his teeth as Jakob's words. He didn't do it out of anger towards Adie, but out of anger towards himself. Adrienne was only trying to keep the boys safe. The only way to do that was for them not to talk to their insane dad.

"I know. That makes me sad," Billie whispered trying to hold back the tears.

"You should tell her it makes you sad," Jakob mumbled.

Billie smiled at the words of his little ten year old speaking to him through the phone. Jakob always wanted to make things right.

"I should."

"Why doesn't she want us to talk to you?"

Billie Joe sighed in relief that Jakob didn't know what was going on, but he immediately realized hat he was now stuck in a complicated situation with his son. He couldn't lie to Jakob, but he couldn't tell him the truth either.

"She doesn't want you to be sad like daddy," Billie Joe answered.

"Why would we be sad if we talk to you?" Jakob asked, confused by his father's response.

Billie hesitated. He didn't know which words were right and wrong to tell Jakob. He didn't want him going off and telling Adrienne that they spoke.

"Because daddy wasn't very happy before...but now I am. It's...it's all okay now. I just had to make it okay with myself..." Billie Joe choked out before the tears came.

"I'm glad it's okay now."

"Me too squirt," Billie whispered wiping his tears away.

"I gotta go. Joey wants to talk to you now," Jakob said, sounding disappointed.

"Okay."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too."

Billie waited patiently for Jakob to hand the phone over to Joey. He was glad that Jakob hadn't gone any further into the conversation. It was hard enough for him to tell Jakob that he was sad.

"Dad?" Joey asked, making sure his dad hadn't accidentally hung up.

"What's up buddy?" Billie Joe joked. He knew that Joey didn't like to be called buddy because it made him sound like a "baby" to other people.

"I'm just gonna say it."

"Okay," Billie said while encouraging Joey to go on.

"I know what you did to Tré," Joey whispered.

Billie was sad and ashamed, but in no way surprised. He knew that Joey was old enough to find out what his dad did over social media constantly bringing up his story in the news feed.

"I'm sorry Joey," Billie Joe said. He started to cry then. He felt like he failed at being a dad.

"There's nothing you need to apologize for daddy. Mommy told me you need help."

Billie silently sobbed then. Not only did his kid know what he did, but he also knew that he was going mad.

"I'm not scared of you dad," Joey explained. He heard his dad's cries on the other side.

"G-Good," Billie whispered.

"Mommy and Mike are calling each other a lot more now. They're talking about putting you in a psychiatric hospital."

Billie Joe lifted his head up at this. He had no idea that Mike had been secretly talking to Adrienne about putting him in a mental home. The ones for the psychos.

"I don't want you to go," Joey managed before he started to tear up. He sniffed back the sorrow before his dad could hear him. He wanted to stay strong for Billie.

Billie was devastated at the news that Mike hadn't told him, but he sucked it up for Joey.

"It's okay Joey. I know this makes you upset, but it's just another page in a book; you move past it. It'll all work out in the end...it has to," Billie Joe whispered, mainly speaking to himself.

Joey sighed. Billie sighed.

"I hope you're right daddy."

Billie Joe sat there and thought for a second. He thought about his words. He thought about the psychiatric hospital. He thought about his sanity. Finally, he responded to Joey.

"I hope so too."