Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 22

That same night, Mike was quickly woken by the sound of Billie screaming at the top of his lungs. Their rooms were right next to each other, so Mike heard it in an instant.

Mike rubbed his eyes and looked at the time. It was 2:30 am. Billie Joe's screams continued as he leapt out of his bed and ran into the guest bedroom.

He found Billie sitting straight up in the bed still screaming. His hands clenched the sheets as he screeched. Mike could tell that he was still sleeping.

Mike panicked and ran over to his friend. He roughly grabbed his shoulders and started to shake Billie Joe.

"Billie?!" Mike shouted, trying to wake Billie Joe. It was no use.

Billie Joe started to flail his arms in an effort to hit Mike, thinking he was trying to hurt him. Mike tried to grab Billie's arms while dodging his swings. Billie kept screaming.

"Shhh!" Mike hissed as he was scared that the neighbors would send him a noise complaint, drawing attention to him and Billie.

Just to get Billie to calm down, Mike lifted him off the bed and put his hand over Billie's mouth. His screams were muffled, but definitely still audible. He turned Billie around so that his chest was pressed against Billie Joe's back. Mike made them crouch to calm Billie more. He crossed Billie Joe's arms in front of him and started to sway back and forth. Billie Joe's screams started to quiet down.

"Shhh...you're okay. You're fine," Mike soothed.

Billie must've woken up by then, because he started to cry at Mike's words. Mike was basically holding him in a human straight jacket. He felt ashamed that his sanity had gotten THIS out of hand.

"Tré..." Billie Joe whispered, still believing his nightmare was true.

"Calm down Bill, it was just a nightmare," Mike whispered while continuing to sway Billie and himself back and forth in the darkness.

"I'm so sorry Tré...so sorry," Billie whispered.

"Tré is okay buddy. He's alright," Mike reminded.

Billie Joe was crying and shaking in Mike's arms, a feeling that became too familiar to Mike.

Suddenly, Billie tried to wriggle himself free from Mike's grasp.

"No, no he's not okay! I killed him Mike! He-He's dead!" Billie Joe sobbed trying to escape the straight jacket hold.

"Billie Joe, calm down. He's fine-"

"No Mike! I heard the sirens! They're coming for me! I killed him...I killed him...killed him," Billie cried. The guilt pounded in his chest.

Mike perked up to listen for the sirens that Billie heard. Not a sound came from the streets of Oakland, so Mike assumed that what Billie Joe heard was another factor of his nightmare.

"There's no one coming for you Bill. You're fine," Mike soothed.

"Get off of me! We're wasting time, I have to get away from here!" Billie Joe shouted, frantically looking around the room for an escape.

"Shhh...you were dreaming," Mike said calmly. He felt a huge urge to freak out as well, but he knew he had to stay strong for Billie.

Billie stopped trying to escape. By then he just let his body collapse into Mike. He fully relied on him to hold up his boneless body. The cries escaped his lips in high pitched hick ups, making him look as though he was five years old. Fink would've disapproved.

Mike could only watch as he slowly brought both of them down to the ground. They sat on their knees and started to sway again.

"I can't do this," Billie whispered into the silence.

Mike looked up, confused and frightened by Billie Joe's words. He sounded to be extremely depressed.

"Do what Billie?"

"Life..." Billie Joe sobbed.

Mike released his arms so that Billie Joe could bring his hands to his face. Not wanting to let Billie go, Mike pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Don't say that Bill-"

"Stop Mike...you know I hate that guilt shit," Billie croaked.

Mike pulled Billie Joe's hands into his. He felt for the usual crescents dented into Billie's palms that he always had after a nightmare. He had a thing for sticking his nails in his palms. Sure enough, the marks were there. Mike took both of Billie's injured hands in his and lightly ran his finger over the marks. Billie Joe let him.

"Are you saying that you're suicidal?" Mike asked, scared for the answer.

Billie waited, but eventually spoke.

"I don't know."

Mike crumbled onto Billie and laid his head on his shaking, boney back. That's not the answer that he wanted to hear. Granted, that's not the question he wanted to ask.

"My life is so fucked up. If I get found, I go to jail. If I don't, I spend the rest of my life running. Either way, I'm still going to be insane. Crazy. Out of my mind. A fucking lunatic," Billie Joe whispered, sounding distant.

Mike held his breath.

"My own wife can't even say she loves me. I haven't talked to my kids...in weeks," Billie Joe sobbed as he threw his head back into his shaking hands.

Mike lifted his head from Billie's back and planted a kissed on it, just to comfort him.

"I was beaten senseless and raped. I didn't only get stolen from my sanity...but also my dignity."

Mike nodded.

"Do you understand how hard it is to live after almost killing your best friend and being raped? Do you have a clue what the fuck in going through?" Billie snapped.

Mike knew that Billie Joe wasn't meaning to make it sound like Mike was no help, so he ignored the last part. He didn't answer Billie's question. Billie Joe didn't expect him to.

"I miss Tré so much. Oh god, what have I done?" Billie Joe cried.

Mike didn't move.

"If you could understand just a tiny amount of what I'm going through...you'd want to end it too," Billie spoke.

He sounded lost in his thoughts, something he tends to do a lot. Mike didn't try to pull him out of his trance with a couple of comforting words. He decided to stay silent; he knew Billie Joe wanted him to. Instead, they continued to rock on the cold guest bedroom floor in order to comfort each other.

But Mike couldn't help but rethink Billie's depressing words. They made him sound as though he was on the verge of his breaking point. Mike sighed fearfully at this thought.

All he could do was hope that Billie Joe wasn't going to live up to his words.