Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 19

Because he was spending so much time helping Billie Joe, Mike had forgotten to visit Tré. He hoped that he hadn't been awake much to notice. Mike contemplated whether or not he should tell Tré about hiding Billie in his house to protect him. He guessed that time would tell.

After he had cared for Billie Joe's burns, he led him to the couch and buried him in blankets and pillows. He told Mike that he's been cold a lot lately. Mike would oftentimes catch him shivering.

Thinking about the wellbeing of his wife and kids, Mike told Britney to go to her parents house while he sorts things out. Britney didn't agree at first, but she ended up packing the kids things up and kissing Billie Joe's nose before they left. Billie wondered why Britney and Mike cared about him when his life was so shattered.

Mike didn't let Billie Joe know he was visiting Tré until he was about to walk out the door. He thought it would be best if Billie took a nap while he was gone, so he helped him from the sea of blankets and brought him to the guest bedroom.

"I'm going to visit Tré while you're sleeping okay?" Mike asked. He held his breath waiting for an answer.

He sat Billie down on the bed before he let him answer. Billie Joe curled himself up in the sheets and took him a deep shaky breath of air.

"Can you ask him something for me?" Billie whispered.

This caught Mike's attention, so he sat on the bed with Billie Joe. To his surprise, Billie took his hand in his. His hands were cold but somehow still soft. Mike smiled. It wasn't the biggest gesture of affection, but he was getting there.

"What do you want me to ask him?" Mike answered.

Billie's eyes started to look glossy with tears. He pursed his lips and breathed through his nose trying to hold them back.

"Can you ask him...can..." Billie Joe could finish. His voice started getting high pitched with the tears.

"Take your time," Mike soothed. Billie wiped his tears away before he continued.

"Can you ask him if he hates me?" Billie Joe got out before he started to sob. Mike's heart broke into a million pieces.

"Oh Bill. He doesn't hate you," Mike assured.

"Just please...ask him," Billie sobbed.

Mike nodded letting Billie Joe know he would. He rubbed a few circles on the back of Billie's hand before he stood up to leave.

Billie pushed himself further into the pillows as he watched Mike go. He flipped the light off when he was in the doorway. Mike left with a sigh. He closed the door in a smooth motion. Billie Joe pretended not to hear him lock the door from the outside.

Billie Joe knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep. Not with all that's happened to him. He stared at the wall, for some reason finding interest in it. He wondered about Fink. He hasn't seen him since he was beaten up and used. Billie secretly wished for him to come back.

"That wall must be pretty interesting, huh?" Fink chuckled.

He stood by the door that Mike left Billie out of with his devil tail swinging. His black lips curled in a smirk and his green eyes looked through Billie's. Billie Joe just about cried seeing him.

"Fink!" Billie shouted. He would've ran over to him, but he was in too much pain to even walk.

"Hey Billie boy," Fink snickered with a smile before leaping into bed with Billie Joe. They laid next to each other, their faces inches apart. Billie was surprised at how happy he was.

"I-I missed you. Where have you been?" Billie asked on the verge of tears. Billie Joe felt that Fink was the only 'person' he could really talk to.

Fink didn't answer and instead took his finger and traced the outline of Billie's jaw. He traced his finger over his nose, under his eyes, and over his pink lips. Fink kept a serious while feeling Billie's features. Billie Joe just sat still.

"I've seen that you've been hurting yourself," Fink said in almost disappointment.

Billie Joe looked away from Fink and shamefully rubbed his bandaged burns.

"Do you really think that's going to help you?" Fink said, causing Billie to feel even more guilty.

A few tears leaked from Billie's eyes. Fink wiped them away just as he's always done. Billie Joe didn't try to pull away. For some reason, he didn't mind affection from Fink.

"How could you just watch?" Billie struggled to say. His voice was shaky.

"Just watch what Billie Joe?" Fink questioned.

"Don't play dumb with me-"

"Billie Joe I don't know what you're talking about-"

"HOW COULD YOU WATCH ME BE USED FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S PLEASURE?!" Billie Joe shouted. His voice just about went hoarse from the outburst.

Fink closed his mouth and just watched Billie break down in tears just like he had so many times before. He didn't feel the urge to call him a crybaby, for he felt that Billie Joe deserved to shed all the tears he wants.

"There wasn't much I could do," Fink said, putting a hand on Billie's shoulder. Billie shrugged it off.

"Fink I...it hurts," Billie whispered into the sheets.

"I know it hurts-"

"Than you should've done something!" Billie Joe screamed. Fink flinched.

"What did you expect me to do?! Scream out saying no just for him not to hear me?! Try to push him off of you just for my hand to go straight through?! I don't know what you want from me Billie Joe!" Fink snapped back.

Billie froze. He knew what Fink said was right. He knew that Fink couldn't have done a thing.

"You really wanna play that game?! Okay, sure Billie boy. Let's play the guilt tripping game," Fink shouted.

Billie Joe swallowed hard.

"How about you think about what YOU'VE done. You stabbed your friend over and over again, trying to kill him. You did it just so you wouldn't get help. How guilty does that make you feel?" Fink threatened.

Billie looked away, tears leaving his eyes.

"How did it feel to shove a knife through you best friend's chest while he screamed in agony? Was it hard for the knife to go through his skin? Did it go through like jello?"

Billie Joe gagged. He started feeling sick from Fink's words.

"How about all that blood that you left? It poured from his body like a waterfall. How guilty does that make you feel?" Fink growled.

That was the last straw. Billie leapt from the bed and limped over into the corner. He vomited the very little food that he had eaten in the past few days. His throat burned from the acid that came from his stomach.

After vomiting for all he was worth, he dropped down to his knees and sat. His own throw up surrounded him. He was too weak to care. Billie Joe leaned forward and rested his head against the wall in front of him.

Fink silently walked over to him. Sympathy showed in his eyes, or so Billie thought. That was until he spoke.

"Who's the bad guy now?" Fink taunted, causing shivers to go up Billie Joe's spine.

Billie continued to cry. Fink wiped his tears. While doing this, he grabbed Billie Joe's burnt arm. He brushed his fingers over the bandage. He planted a disappointed kiss on his arm. Billie let him. Then, Fink finally said the words that Billie Joe patiently waited for.

"This is no way to deal with guilt."