Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 18

Mike woke up that same night to the sound of his back door shutting. He bolted up right and looked at the clock. It read 4:56 am. Mike sighed, slightly annoyed that he was woken so early in the morning.

He was about to lay back down and drift back to sleep, but then he thought about what he woke up to.

It was definitely the sound of his back door shutting. Mike looked over at Britney to make sure that she wasn't the one opening the door. Sure enough, Britney was peacefully sleeping in her same position. This didn't help Mike's worried thoughts.

Mike jumped out of the bed quick as lightning. He shuffled out of his and Britney's room careful not to wake her. Mike could feel his heart starting to beat faster as he questioned what was happening.

Did Billie Joe run away?

No, no this can't be happening. Mike started blaming himself for why he would run. He was embarrassed. He thought that Mike would turn him in. Tears formed in his eyes as he sped down the steps.

He flew around the corner and looked through the glass in the back door. His body crumbled at what he saw.

Mike made his way closer to the window. He sighed in relief as he unmistakably saw Billie sitting on the ground smoking a cigarette. His small body looked so fragile in the large clothes Mike gave him. Billie looked up at the stars. No, Billie stared at the stars.

Although Mike was relieved to find that Billie Joe indeed didn't run away, he didn't go out and talk to him. He knew that Billie suffered from insomnia and that he probably woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. He also knew that Billie Joe doesn't like affection from anyone at the moment. Mike could understand that after being raped he wouldn't want to hug back or cuddle with Mike.

So instead of joining Billie Joe in his backyard, he just watched him. He found it interesting to see Billie slowly breathe in intoxicated air and blow it out in such a smooth rhythm. Since Billie's back was facing Mike, he could see the the outline of Billie Joe's spine. This assured Mike that Billie has lost weight and a lot of it.

Mike shook his head to get rid of the negative thoughts. None of that mattered. The only thing he was worried about was watching Billie Joe smoke his cigarette.

Billie finally looked away from the stars and stared down at his arm. Mike frowned his eyebrows in confusion. He could see that Billie Joe was shaking. So quickly that Mike couldn't stop him, Billie laid the lit cigarette against his arm. The sizzling sound of the cancer stick burning through his flesh was so loud that Mike could hear it. Billie didn't flinch, just watched. Almost as if he's done it before.

Mike instinctively ran towards the door, fearfully panting. His eyes widened with disbelief.

"Billie Joe!" Mike screamed as he threw the door open.

Billie jumped and turned to look at Mike. He tried to hide his arm from Mike, hoping that he didn't see what he did. Little did he know, Mike screamed his name because he saw what he did.

Billie Joe sat still waiting for Mike to make it over to him. Mike knelt down to Billie in no time. He firmly grabbed Billie Joe's arm and examined the burns. Billie looked away, ashamed of himself.

"Oh Bill," Mike whispered.

He ran his fingers gently over the many burns that Billie had recently left on his skin. His skin looked flaky and was blistering quickly. Mike let the tears fall from his eyes.

"Why Billie?" Mike croaked before he lifted Billie Joe's arm up to his lips. He laid a feather like kiss on Billie's burns. He could feel Billie Joe try to jerk his arm away.

Billie Joe kept his head turned away from Mike. He was upset with himself that he would be so stupid to let Mike see what he was doing. He closed his eyes and slowly inhaled, trying to keep the tears from falling himself. He was glad that Fink wasn't there to call him a crybaby.

Mike slowly took the cigarette from Billie's fingers. He put it out on the ground and turned his head back to Billie. Billie Joe whimpered trying to hold in the cries that desperately tried to escape his lips.

"Come on," Mike said, standing. He kept Billie Joe's arm in his hands as he stood. Billie followed his gesture.

They started to walk back into the house, but Mike soon noticed Billie slowly following behind and limping. Mike had completely forgotten how hard and painful it was for Billie Joe to walk. He lifted Billie off his feet and continued his walk back into his house.

Mike was disappointed that Billie would limp his way all the way down stairs to the backyard just to smoke and burn himself with that same cigarette.

Billie didn't curl up into Mike like he usually did. He still didn't want affection. Mike understood, but at times longed for Billie Joe to hug him back.

Mike walked through the doorway that led him to his kitchen. He flipped the switch on and the kitchen illuminated instantly. Mike slowly sat Billie Joe down on the counter next to the sink. Like he had expected, Billie winced at the sudden movement of his lower half.

He turned on the cold water preparing it so he could soak Billie's arm under it. Billie Joe still wouldn't meet Mike's eyes.

When the water was cold enough, Mike gently took Billie's arm and ran it under the cold water. He knew this would take away the stinging sensation coming from Billie Joe's blisters. Billie remained tense, unable to hold back the few tears that trailed down his cheeks.

After chilling the eight burns that Billie left in his arm, Mike turned the water off and lightly dried his arm with a towel. Billie Joe tried to pull his arm away, obviously hurt by this touch.

"Sorry," Mike whispered. Billie nodded.

Mike ran over to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the first aid kit. He quickly found the bandage roll and Neosporin. He ran back over to Billie Joe and found him tracing the burns that he had left on himself. Billie seemed almost intrigued.

"I'm just gonna put some Neosporin on the burns and wrap it up with bandage okay?" Mike asked. Billie Joe looked away and nodded.

Mike did as he said he was going to, glad that Billie didn't flinch at any time. He pulled Billie Joe off the counter and into a hug. Billie yet again didn't hug back, but Mike didn't expect him to. He just held Billie close and smoothed down his hair. A few tears formed, but Mike didn't dare to let them fall.

"Promise me you won't do this again," Mike whispered into the comfortable silence.

Billie didn't respond at first. Mike could feel his little heart beating against his chest while holding him close. Finally, Billie Joe spoke.

"Thank you, Mikey," Billie said, not promising Mike a thing.