Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 45

The deafening screams bursted through Billie's ears. Multiple people, men and women, young and old, reached out towards him. Others just watched him, praying that he will bring them on stage.

Billie Joe's fingers danced across the weathered neck of his guitar as he strummed away to a well known tone. He brought his mouth to the cold mic and sang the words that came from his heart. All his songs came from his heart.

There was no better feeling than having the crazed people sing along. Some so loud that Billie was barely audible. Billie stepped away from the mic for a verse or two while the crowd sang back.

Billie Joe smiled, tearing up at the sound that met his ears. The fans sang back proudly, some knowing every word. Billie just watched in astonishment, finding it unbelievable that people know the songs that he wrote. The words that his hand put down on a crummy piece of paper. The words that came to mind.

He took in a deep breath. The lights blinded him as he felt dizzy with happiness. Faces in the crowd showed pure glee, some were even brought to tears.

Billie stepped away from the mic as he looked at his surroundings. To the left of him was Mike, playing the bass like his life depended on it. Jumping around like he had all the energy in the world. Just seeing Mike brought back memories. Memories of how they got here; to this moment.

Visions of Mike finding Billie Joe in that dark alleyway were practically hallucinations. Seeing Mike's dark figure come around the corner and realize it was Billie was more relieving than anything Billie had felt before. By then he had lost all hope, thinking that being in a six foot wide alley was how he would die. Beaten and raped, Billie was a goner. That was until Mike came along. It took Billie Joe quite some time to realize it, but Mike saved his life.

He doesn't really remember the walk home that Mike had to make with him in his arms. Billie felt guilty for having Mike carry him such a long distance, but he knew he couldn't walk.

While being there, Billie Joe was like a lost dog. He didn't know what to do or how to deal with his feelings. He turned to hurting himself. Whenever Mike would see this, he would hug Billie and tell him to stop. Billie wanted so badly to hug back, but he was still vulnerable, and that's how he was for a long time. Mike understood, but at times Billie Joe felt like no one understood. Billie hurt himself behind Mike's back. Mike never knew about the cigarette burns on Billie's inner thighs.

Billie Joe thought he would never get out of the psychiatric hospital. He thought it was just another way of keeping him safe until he died. He didn't want that. Who would? So at times Billie got depressed. Mike got him out of it quickly. Mike was always so patient with Billie Joe. Why?

Why did Mike care so much? What was it about Billie that made him so important?

Mike never failed at getting Billie Joe to understand the meanings of life. Billie had been through some tough times. His wife walked away from him during his recovery and left him helpless after she shattered him like a window. Billie Joe wondered what she was so afraid of that Mike wasn't.

Still standing frozen on the stage, Billie pried his eyes away from Mike and whirled around to see Tré tapping away at his drums. The amount of talent he could portray with a couple of wooden sticks was at times unimaginable.

With Billie Joe's green eyes locked on the drummer, he couldn't help but think of all the memories that came from him too. Tré was basically the first one that knew about Billie's problem. At first Billie had thought that telling Tré what was happening to him was the dumbest thing he's ever done, but then it turned out to be the smartest.

Without Tré, Billie Joe could still be dwelling in his claustrophobic mind, still too scared to speak a word about it to anyone. Without Tré, Billie could maybe even be dead right now. How different would things be?