Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 32

Mike woke up to the eery sound of Billie Joe screaming at the top of his lungs. It wasn't until he noticed his sore neck did he realize that he fell asleep in the hospital chair. His eyes snapped open in fear.

He looked over to see Billie with his eyes wide open, tears filling to the brim. His hands clutched the sheets for dear life as he shook so violently that Mike could hear the bed creak. Billie Joe continued to scream, appearing to be paralyzed by fright.

Mike was quick to Billie's side. He didn't seem to notice Mike, but it was easy to tell that he was awake. His screaming had stopped by then, but the quickening heart rate monitor made just as much noise as his cries.

In that moment, Mike was frozen. He didn't know what to do. Billie was distant, unable to comprehend that Mike was there. He was also frozen by relief. Mike didn't expect to see Billie Joe awake ever again.

Finally coming to his senses, Mike moved his hands to Billie's cheeks while he rubbed them slightly with his thumbs. Billie Joe looked in Mike's eyes, but still wasn't fully there. Mike hushed his hiccups from his crying, and sat next to him in the bed.

"Shhh, you're okay. Calm down, Bill. You're fine."

Billie didn't respond, but did put his hands on Mike's arms as he continued to hold Billie's jaw. Mike took this as a sign that he was coming back, no longer paralyzed in confusion.

"You're in a hospital. But don't worry Billie Joe, I'm right here. I won't leave you," Mike sighed.

The heart rate monitor started to slow down with every beat, indicating that Billie was relaxing to Mike's words. Mike was surprised that a nurse hadn't come in from all the commotion.

Mike just watched Billie for a moment. He started to appreciate having him alive more than he ever has before. The fear he felt for Billie Joe's life was enough to make him frantic.

"What happened?" Billie asked.

Billie Joe was surprised that he had already forgotten about what woke him into screaming bloody murder. He knew that he was somewhere frightening, that he saw something frightening. But he couldn't remember. Billie didn't know why he was in the hospital.

"You...you tried to kill yourself, Billie," Mike choked out. He felt physical pain just saying those words.

That's when Billie Joe remembered. He could see a vision of him with his medication in his hand. The orange bottle in the other. The pills scattered across the floor. Mike's reaction to the terrifying scene. The relief he thought he would feel...from dying. Billie still couldn't remember what woke him, but he was glad that he remembered what got him into the overly sanitized building.

Billie Joe started to sob, pulling the unneeded oxygen mask off his face. He brought his punctured arm containing the IV to his eyes, wiping at his own tears. Billie wasn't strong enough to to sit up, although he desperately wanted to hug Mike.

"I'm so sorry," Billie whispered, covering his face with his hands. He was ashamed.

"It's not your fault," Mike whispered as he started to let his tears fall as well.

Mike noticed that Billie Joe didn't believe him even the slightest bit, so he leaned over him and hugged him. This made Billie sob harder as he weakly wrapped his arms around Mike's back. Mike put his head in the crook of Billie Joe's neck, feeling him shake as he sobbed.

Billie's cries got worse, only causing him to heave in and out dramatically trying to calm himself. Mike stayed in the same position, holding Billie Joe as close as he could. He didn't say anything to Billie. Billie didn't want him to.

"When will it start getting better?" Billie sobbed. His crying made Mike squeeze him more tightly in the hug.

"What do you mean, Billie?"

"When daddy died, he told me it would get better. I just don't know when it will," Billie Joe cried. He tried to hold Mike tighter as well, but he didn't have the strength.

"Billie Joe."

Mike let go of the vulnerable Billie and moved the covers aside. He got under the thin sheets while Billie made an effort to move over as much as his strength would let him. Mike covered them back up and pulled Billie Joe back into the hug again while they tangled their legs together. Billie patiently waited for Mike to mess with his hair, and eventually Mike did, but it was more out of pity than comfort.

"We never know when it will get better, we just know it will. For some people, it takes longer for things to work out. It takes longer for things to change. But those are the people who are stronger. Those are the people who are fighters. Those are the people who can survive. So I don't know when it will get better, but ending your life before it can won't get you anywhere. You have to be that stronger person. You have to be that fighter. You have to be that survivor. Don't wait around for things to get better, when you can help make them better yourself," Mike urged.

Billie Joe didn't respond for a while. He took the few minutes of silence as a time to think. The words that Mike spoke to him made him really think. He had to analyze every word. Understand every intended purpose. The words soon brought tears to Billie's eyes. They brought realization to his mind.

"Thank you so much Mikey," Billie Joe cried.

Those were the only words he could get out. He was drawing a blank on what he should respond to those meaningful words with. Billie knew that Mike understood how much those words meant to him, so he didn't try to express it physically. Mike pulled him closer. Billie Joe left tears on Mike's shirt.

"You'll get the help you need. It will get better. I promise," Mike whispered.

He started to play with Billie's curls again. Billie sniffled in his shirt.

Mike looked at the clock and realized that it was 4:00 am. He started to feel himself getting tired, and he could easily see Billie's eyelids drooping. Mike closed his eyes and sighed. So much has happened in twelve hours.

Billie Joe knew he was tired, but he couldn't bring himself to go to sleep. He decided to stay up and watch Mike sleep. He looked so peaceful, something Billie hasn't experienced in a while.

The words that Mike said popped back into his head. He was so sure, so determined. Billie knew he wasn't only saying to to make him feel better. He knew that Mike meant what he said. He knew it would get better. And with that, Billie Joe let himself fall asleep knowing what Mike said was true.

After all, Mike promised.