Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 44

A few days later, Billie Joe and Mike found themselves on the rock hard hospital bed once again. They both laid in silence, side by side, looking at the ceiling in interest.

Billie was only allowed to have one visitor stay over night, so of course he chose Mike. Tré was nice to have around, but Mike has been there for him.

So they sat silently. It was a comfortable silence. One they needed to ease all the commotion. Billie liked it.

"I can't wait, y'know?" Billie Joe suddenly blurted out.

Mike turned his head to the side so that he could look at Billie. His green eyes stared at the ceiling, making him look like he was in a trance. He looked so small next to Mike.

"Can't wait for what?" Mike asked.

Billie Joe took in a deep breath and sighed.

"I can't wait to play again," Billie answered.

His heart longed for his fingers to dance across the guitar strings for thousands of people to hear. The amount of anticipation for that moment was enough to send a shiver up his spine.

"I can't wait either," Mike smiled as he turned his head back to face the ceiling.

Mike was happy to hear that Billie Joe wanted to get back to the band. He didn't know if Billie would want to after his recovery.

"Thank you so much for staying with me, Mike," Billie said, suddenly changing the subject.

Mike grabbed Billie's hand and squeezed it tightly. Both of them turned their heads in unison. They smiled.

"You know I would never leave you, Billie-"

"But that's the thing, Mikey. Everyone has somewhere where they draw the line. You never did. You didn't leave...and I'm so glad you didn't," Billie Joe spoke.

Mike rubbed the back of Billie's hand with his thumb. A tear escaped Billie Joe's eye that he thought Mike didn't see. Mike wiped it away to show him he did, then trailed his finger down Billie's nose to show him that it was okay to cry.

"I would never draw the line with you, Bill. You're my babydoll," Mike smiled.

Billie Joe looked up at Mike and gave him a weak smiled before cuddling into his chest. Mike wrapped his arms around Billie and pulled him closer.

"I'm sorry I was so much trouble when you found me. I was just...so depressed. I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to die..." Billie trailed off.

"You couldn't help that, Billie. Anyone in your shoes would've done the same thing," Mike assured.

Billie Joe sobbed silently into Mike's chest. His body shook slightly, but he didn't want to cry anymore. He wanted to be strong.

"Why do you care?" Billie choked out.

"What do you mean?" Mike asked. He lifted his head to look at Billie's tear drenched face.

"Why do you care about me when I've done all these things? I'm losing my mind, I stabbed my best friend because I didn't want help, I ran from the cops, I was beaten and raped, I was ungrateful when you helped me, I burned myself with cigarettes, I attempted suicide...everything. All these things I've done...and you still care. Why?" Billie Joe whispered. He didn't want Mike to know he was crying.

Mike brushed Billie's hair back before he spoke.

"You...You never stop caring for someone you love. No matter what happens. No matter what doesn't happen. You never stop caring. When you love and care for someone, that feeling doesn't just go away. You don't just give up on someone. You're there for them. You're their rock."

Billie sniffed.

"There's nothing you could do that would make me ever stop caring about you, babydoll. No matter what happens. No matter what's said. I'm always there. You can call me. You can come to my house. You can text me. It doesn't matter. I'm always there because I care. There's always someone who cares," Mike whispered.

"I just don't think I'm worth...caring about," Billie Joe muttered.

Mike sighed and looked down at Billie. It broke his heart to know that Billie thought he wasn't important in life. He knew how that felt, he went through it as a teenager, so he didn't want Billie Joe feeling it too.

"Of course you're worth caring about. Think about all the friends and family you have. Think about all your fans. They care about you. For some of them, you're the reason they keep living," Mike reminded.

Billie thought back to all the letters that were sent to him with people saying that he saved their life. He thought about all the fans that he met that cried on his shoulder saying that if it weren't for him, they would be dead right now. That meant a lot to him. They cared. Not only did they care, but they cared about him.

"I know. And that's a...a great thing to know," Billie Joe sobbed back to Mike. By now, he didn't care if his tears soaked Mike's shirt.

"There's always someone out there who cares. No matter who you are. Don't ever think for even one millisecond that you're not important. Everyone's important. Everyone is alive for a reason...so make the best of it," Mike urged.

Billie smiled through some tears and even let out a shaky laugh. The amount of relief that Mike's words gave him was astonishing. They made him feel...wanted, important, valuable.

"And I will make the best of it. When I get back to playing...I'll appreciate it so much more than I ever have. Playing music is me - that's my life. So taking it for granted is not an option. I'm gonna make the best of it. And as long as I am on the face of the earth, I will never, ever, leave that band," Billie said determinedly.

Mike looked down at Billie Joe. Billie looked up at Mike and met his light blue eyes. They watched each other for a while, and soon gave each other a smile.

"And you're not leaving either," Billie Joe promised.

Mike laughed a little and brought Billie into another big hug. Billie somehow got his arms around Mike and held him tight. So tight he could barely breathe.

"I would never leave," Mike mumbled into Billie Joe's hair.

"You don't really have a choice," Billie laughed.

They both sat their in the cold hospital bed and smiled. Every once in a while they would let out a small laugh, followed by a few words. It was simple, but nice. But their was only one thing on both of their minds.

There's always someone out there who cares.