Claustrophobic Mind

Chapter 37

Mike couldn't take it anymore. Spending a whole day without Billie Joe was devastating to him. He was used to always having Billie by his side, and now he's alone. They're both alone.

Mike didn't sleep the night that Billie was admitted. His head was clouded with thoughts as he laid alone in his bed that night. It made him upset to know that Billie Joe wasn't in the room next to him like he always was.

In an effort to get some sleep, Mike decided to sleep in the guest bedroom. The space reminded him of Billie. As he got under to soft covers, he immediately smelt Billie's scent. Fresh and new. This brought tears to Mike's eyes.

"Oh, Billie."

Mike spent that next day smoking cigarettes while lying in the backyard. He didn't realize that he had spent over half of his day breathing in intoxicated air. He didn't go in until the sun set.

As he stumbled back into his dark house, he thought about making something to eat. He decided against it. Mike didn't have an appetite at the moment. He hasn't had one all day.

Instead, Mike went into the living room while his shoulders sagged. Billie Joe was the only thing on his mind. How could Mike possibly be "tired" of taking care of him? If anything, Billie was taking care of Mike.

Mike started to cry silently as he sat alone on the couch. He missed cuddling with Billie Joe every time they sat together. He missed talking to Billie Joe about his dad while he held him close. He missed Billie Joe.

"Fuck," Mike muttered as his crying continued.

He felt selfish for doing so. Billie should be the one crying, not him.

But what if Billie is crying? What if he's sobbing into his hands right now? What if he needs him? Mike can't let that happen. He can't. He has to get to him. Make him better.

Mike scrambled to his feet and searched for his keys quickly. He threw on some random shoes, not paying attention to if they were matching or not.

He ran out of his house without locking the door. There's no time. He needs to get to Billie Joe now. He has to.

Mike sped down the road to the hospital at ten miles over the limit. The night air blasted through the open windows as he made his way to the psychiatric hospital. It felt like it was 10,000 miles away.

When Mike got to the mental home, he wasted no time to run through the automatic doors. Billie needs him.

Nurses huffed and glared at Mike as he pushed past them in order to get to the front desk. He didn't care. He only cared about Billie Joe.

Mike saw the kind looking lady at the desk and ran up to her in a flash. He probably looked crazy. Jacket hanging off one shoulder, dark bags from no sleep. He might as well be a patient himself.

"Can I help you?" the lady asked with wide eyes. She had a fake smile playing across her face.

"I need...I need to find..." Mike said, completely out of breath.

The lady took a step back, but kept the same grin on her face. Mike looked threatening, considering he ran into he psych ward pushing past people and being lost for words as he approached the front desk.

"Sir?" the lady asked.

"I need to find...Billie Joe Armstrong," Mike panted. He supported all his weight onto the desk.

"Billie Joe Armstrong?" she said as he started typing into her computer.

"Yes, B-i-l-l-i-e," Mike spelled aloud. He prayed that this was the right hospital.

The lady frowned her eyebrows at the computer screen. She started typing again while Mike watched her intently.

"What unit?"

"Therapeutic unit I believe," Mike blurted out as he thought back to the day Billie Joe left.

"Ah, here he is," the lady said as he clicked her mouse a few times.

Mike sighed in relief. Hundreds of pounds were just lifted off his worrisome shoulders as he rubbed his face stressfully. He became more and more anxious.

"It says here that Mr. Armstrong isn't to have any visitors until tomorrow," she said as she looked up at Mike with her wide eyes.

Mike sighed, sounding more frustrated than he wanted.

"I know that. I was hoping I could see him tonight?" Mike basically begged.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that. It could be harmful to the patient's recovery to see visitors before recommendations."

Mike dug his nails into his palms.

"I really, really need to see him," Mike pleaded. The tears started to burn behind Mike's blue eyes.

"I understand, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow to visit," the lady said breaking eye contact with Mike, indicating that the conversation was over.

Mike shut his eyes tightly.

"No, you don't understand. I can't wait until tomorrow! I need to see him NOW!" Mike shouted through clenched teeth.

People peaked up from their newspapers and magazines as they sat in the waiting lobby to see their mentally unstable loved ones as well.

"Sir, you need to calm down."

"Don't tell me what to FUCKING do! I am calm!" Mike yelled once again, slamming his hands onto the counter.

"Sir, these actions can effect if whether or not you can visit patients in the future," the lady reasoned. She tried to stay calm for Mike's sake.

"I need to see him," Mike whispered, tears falling onto his shirt.

The lady sighed and looked away. She hoped that ignoring Mike would eventually make him leave. She felt sympathy for Mike's situation, but not enough to break the rules for visiting.

"Fucking..." Mike trailed off as he started to sob.

People watched as Mike broke down on the front desk of the psychiatric hospital. He heaved in and out as his dread took over his whole body. There was no controlling the cries that came from Mike.

Mike walked out without another word, sobbing into his hands. He stumbled down the steps of the hospital and ran to his car as he mourned.

When Mike made it unit he car, he slammed the door and rested his head against the steering wheel. The car emphasized his cries, doing no good for his sorrow.

"Billie Joe!" Mike screamed in agony. Just saying his name pained him.

He thought back to when it all started. Could he have prevented it? Was it all his fault? Mike was Billie's best friend, he should've noticed that things were going down hill. How could this happen right in front of his eyes? Was Billie scared to tell him? How long has it been going on? None of that matters, because there's no changing the past. What happens happens, and there's nothing we can do to about it. We just have to wait for things to come together. Wait for things to work out. Billie Joe's dad is right. It'll be okay.

Mike wiped his tears gently and started the car at this thought, feeling the slightest bit of relief he's had to days.