It All Started With A Ride

36. Mixed emotions & the truth

"That it?" I asked, my voice slightly cracking as I looked at Laney- the brown-eyed girl nodded, "That's all she said..."

"This can't be right.." Layla said in a whisper, "we were fine- what happened?"

That's exactly what I'm wondering.

It hit me like a train that Max didn't want to be my friend anymore.

How could I even be so stupid? Oh course she didn't! People don't want to be around me for long- I'm whiney, annoying, and clingy! I told Max I missed her like every hour of the day- that must've been the most annoying thing in the world for her- not to mention my constant crying.

Hell, I was about to start crying now. How could I stop being annoying and clingy and get over Max if all I do whenever I think about her is want to cry?

I want to text her- I want to hug her and ask her what I did and what I can do to make it better.

I would change every bone in my body if that meant Maxine Parker would be my friend again- or even, talk to me-

And yes, I still remember that shit adults tell Middle school girls, "Don't change yourself for somebody else"- or some shit like that, and I could care less.

Sometimes I wish I was a different person. I wish my Mom had just swallowed me or something- that seemed a lot better than what I was feeling now- and I wasn't even sure what I was feeling now.

All I knew is that this couldn't be happening- all of this- me being friends with Layla, Max unfriending me- me not being with Tyler.

A few years ago, if you had told Sophomore me I wasn't going to be with Tyler my Junior year- I'd have had a heart attack from disbelief- but I'd probably go into a coma if someone said "You're going to become friends with Layla, find out her and Laney are dating- and start having a crush on Layla's shy best friend".

Not to mention .D not being my biological father- who, ever since learning about him, I haven't exactly had any interest in getting to know.

I imagine he left me- like every other person in my life, before things got too hard.

So I just- didn't ask about him..

Maybe he's somewhere around the world, sipping cocktails and not having any further thoughts about the daughter he left seventeen years prior- or maybe he was a lonely man in a house full of stray cats- no matter how many times I imagined him, the only thought that came to mind was, "he's happy he left".

"Tabitha..." a soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see Harmony, "are you okay..?" She asked.

That was the thing about Harmony, she was really more- she hadn't been in my life for long but...

At least she was a good friend. I desperately hoped she wouldn't get sick of my shit before the end of November- I don't think I can take any more heartbreaks this month.

I nodded and plastered on the fakest smile I could muster, "I'm fine" I stated- and for a minute, even I believed that.

But I wasn't.

Do you know how little kids go "I want my mommy" during their most vulnerable times in life? Well, I sort of felt like saying to too, all I wanted to do now, was curl up in a ball, and cry.
. . .
Contrary to what I said earlier about curling into a ball- I ended up cleaning the entire house- because apparently, when I'm sad, bored, and home alone, I'm not a curling ball of fluff- but a walking vacuum! Ya...

I guess.

Around seven, after I had cleaned so much there was nothing else to do- I even organized all of Malaya's stuffed animals from size and color across her window seat, I sat on the couch and actually curled into a ball.