[√]Lady of the White Rose

10: I Swear

VESPER

It's been a while since he left. But ever since then, I wasn't able to sleep at all. Our conversation, was again kept on bugging me just like before. Nanatili lamang akong nakaupo sa kama habang yakap-yakap ang mga paa ko.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero naging mabigat sa loob ko ang naging sagutan namin. I understand his point though I don't really know the girl he's talking about. I know I'm partly wrong, I can see clearly my mistake but I can't stomach to acknowledge that in front of him. Not in a million years and over my dead body!

Though what I said to him was pretty harsh and cruel. For a moment I thought I really sounded like a scoundrel, an irredeemable trash just like he said.

It was clearly a mistake. Like a genuine comment but was misunderstood by the people around me. They thought I was making fun of her and so they started attacking her with more absurd and below the line comments. They thought it was fine since I was the one who started it, one of the most reputable lady in this generation.

I'm not bragging, I'm just telling the truth. However as one of those reputable individual, a lot of people will watch me and some will even imitate what I'm doing. I admit, I was wrong and careless. I should have watched my words more that day but it was already done. I couldn't turn back time and change what happened.

And that was also my mistake. I should have stopped everyone and didn't just shrugged the matter like it doesn't concern me at all. Dapat nilinis ko na 'yong pagkakamali ko habang maaga pa.

But... He's also just like me. Uttering insensitive remarks.

"You're really rotten to the core. It's good that you're like this, so I won't regret hating someone like you even more. It's also a good thing that you don't have talent in magic. Imagine what would happen if a scum - I mean a trash like you end up using magic? Innocent people might be put in danger."

I can see in his eyes that he wanted to tighten the grip of his hand around my neck but stopped himself. I'm even surprised to see him control himself like that. I thought he would really choke me to death considering the hatred in his eyes.

"I'm glad. I'm really glad that you're an irredeemable trash. For the first time, I'm glad that someone doesn't have any talent for magic! I guess, even magic doesn't want to be associated with someone like you and maybe your mother killed herself for having a daughter like you."

I clench my fist tightly, telling myself not to react with what he said. But I failed. My hand move on its own and reached for his cheek to slap him.

My limbs tremble, not because I'm still scared of him but because of frustration and anger.

"You can say whatever you want about me. Wala akong pakialam kahit ako pa ang pinakamasamang tao sa paningin mo ngunit hindi ko matatanggap na idadamay mo ang namayapa kong ina!" I have a lot I wanted to say to him, I wanted to curse him until I'm satisfied. My mother is not a topic someone can casually speak about. I wanted to get angry with him but... in the end he's just nothing but a stranger. He doesn't need to know how angry I am and how it greatly pained me how people think that I'm the reason why mother died.

"Nakuha mo na naman ang nais mo, hindi ba? That necklace. Take that and get the hell out of my room!"

With my trembling hands, I push him away from me and turn my back. I didn't heard anything from him until he finally left. Just like how he appeared in my room, he vanish like nothing happened. Without trace and sound.

I hope I don't cross paths with him again. Dahil pareho lang din naman kaming may galit sa isa't-isa. Ni hindi ko nga alam ang pangalan niya at pangalawang beses pa lang namin magkita ngunit ang galit na nararamdaman namin ay parang ilang taon ng namamagitan sa aming dalawa.

I hate him. I hated him more so now that I know the reason why he's angry with me. He's angry not because I did something against him, rather, he's angry for someone else's sake. He got angry in behalf of his friend... Or is she his love interest?

He's a good person but... I hated him now. After he brought up mother. And he called me a scum... and a trash.

He's even glad that I'm talentless in magic. What a jerk.

"My Lady?!" Napasinghap ito nang madatnan akong nakaupo pa rin sa kama ko. Dilat na dilat ang mga nangingitim kong mata, halatang kulang sa tulog.

"Oh, hi, Abby." I casually greeted. "Umaga na?"

"Ang lalaki ng mga eyebags mo, natulog ka ba?"

"I did,"

"Weh? Sure?"

"The other night."

Napatampal na lamang ito sa noo niya dahil sa sinabi ko. Mukha itong stress na stress dahil sa akin. Bumuntong hininga ito bago lumapit sa akin at pinahiga ako sa kama. Naguguluhan ko itong tinitigan ngunit hindi ako nito pinansin at itinaas ang kumot hanggang leeg ko.

"Wala ka namang gagawin ngayon araw, kaya matulog ka na muna. Breakfast with family? No, My Lady. Postpone daw muna dahil may emergency sa trabaho ang papa at mga kuya mo."

I raise my brow at her. I haven't even ask her that pero may sagot na agad siya. That's Abby for you.

"And the new books just arrived now. Nilagay ko lang diyan sa mesa nang dumating ako."

"Books?"

"Yes, books. Ayun sa list na binigay nung nag deliver, libro tungkol sa mahika -"

"What? Who the hell ordered that? Gusto niya bang mamatay? Alam ba niyang umiinit ang ulo ko sa tuwing nakakarinig ng kahit anong tungkol sa magic na 'yan? I hate magic! What so great about them?" Pag-a-alburuto ko kasabay iwinaksi ang kumot.

"I-it was the Duke that ordered them, My Lady. I'm sorry, I'll disposed them right away." Mabilis na pinuntahan ni Abby ang mesa kung saan niya nilagay ang isang kahon na puno ng mga libro.

Pinanood ko lamang itong binuhat niya't lalabas na sana ngunit pinigilan ko ito. "Ahem... You don't need to dispose them. Since they're from Father, I guess I'll at least read some before disposing them. Pwede mo na silang ibalik sa mesa ko, titignan ko na lang 'yan mamaya." I yawn. I fix my blanket before closing my eyes.

I'm just going to take a peek to what they called magic. Wala akong sama ng loob o panghihinayang kaya ko titignan ang mga librong 'yon. Hindi naman kasi talaga masama ang loob ko na wala akong talento sa mahika. Hindi talaga, pramis.

Curious lang talaga ako kaya gusto ko basahin. I'm just genuinely curious why that jerk was able to use magic while I can't. This is just pure curiosity without ill intention. Ano ba kasing meron siya na wala ako? May kulang pa ba sa'kin? Maganda naman ako, cute rin naman ayun kay Kuya Iklis.

Ano, may certain criteria ba na dapat i-meet upang magkaroon ng talento sa mahika? And what does it really mean to have talent in magic? Is it just able to feel mana? Having mana sensitivity?

Knights have that too.

Or is it about your affinity with elements? Since magicians uses the concept of elements to cast magic. Damn magic. I swear that I'll surely figure you out no matter what it takes. Hindi ako papayag na hindi makakagamit ng mahika.

I'll surely break the stereotypes that magic is only for the chosen ones. I'll even prove to them that hard work beats talent!