Under the clouds (Guevarra Series 2)

Chapter 41

I was preoccupied the whole afternoon. Hindi ko rin nagawang makakain ng maayos. Maybe it would have been better kung hindi na lang ulit kami nagkita ni Jacques. I was totally fine until he came into my life again. Since then, nagulo na naman ang nananahimik kong buhay.

Nang matapos ang trabaho, kaagad na akong nagpaalam sa mga kasamahan. Wala akong balak na sumama sa selebrasyon nila mamaya. Palusot ko lamang iyon kay Jacques para makatakas ako sa kaniya kahit ngayon lang.

But I was wrong. The moment I stepped my feet out of the establishment, I saw Jacques sitting on the same spot where he always waits for me. As if it was an instinct, nag-angat siya ng tingin at nagtama ang mata naming dalawa. Takot pa ako sa komprontasyon, kaya mabilis akong naglakad palayo.

Narinig ko ang mabibilis na yabag nito mula sa likuran ko. Mas lalo ko pang binilisang lumakad subalit napatigil ako nang mahigpit niya akong yakapin.

"B-bitawan mo ako," pilit kong tinatanggal ang kamay niya sa akin, but his hug tightened. Mas lalo lang akong nawalan ng lakas na tumakbo palayo sa kaniya.

He buried his face on side of my neck, I can feel his sorrow. Wala pa akong sinasabing kahit ano, pero mukhang alam na niya.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he started kissing my shoulder while mumbling his sorries. Pagkatapos ay dahan-dahan niya akong inikot upang mapaharap ako sa kaniya.

Nanatili namang nakababa ang mukha ko, walang balak na ipakita ang lumuluha kong mukha sa kaniya. He took my hand, pilit niyang tinatanggal ang pagkakakuyom ng mga iyon. I refrained but he just tightened his grip on it.

Kalaunan ay muli niya akong hinigit at niyakap. Bumaon ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya. Mas lalo lang akong naiyak.

"I h-hate you," I felt him stiffened. "You're a liar. I hate you!"

Ramdam kong natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. He caressed my hair and tightened his hold on me. But I felt disgusted remembering that this is exactly how he did it with Esperanza.

"L-let's talk please."

I pushed him.

"S-sinungaling ka."

I accused and accused him hanggang sa tumatak iyon sa isip niya. If he really has a feelings for me, I want to torture him. I want him to know that I really hate him. That before he was able to sleep at night, it'll hunt him down, the thought that someone important to him hates him now.

He covered his eyes with his other hand, looking completely helpless.

"Let's talk, Mad. I'm going to explain. P-please, Mad," he tried to hold me but I refused. He stiffened, his expression looked so scared.

"I don't need it anymore."

Ganoon na lang ba palagi ang estado naming dalawa? Para lang kaming naglalaro. I know he's not perfect. But I can't believe that he just lied to me for that girl. I don't need to ask him anymore.

"Alam ko na, hindi mo na kailangan magpaliwanag. I just hate it that you have to lie to me!"

"Hindi ko siya gusto," parang nawawalan ng pag-asang aniya.

Napatawa naman ako.

"Saka mo sasabihin iyan? Matapos nang nakita ko? Nakuha mo pang magsinungaling sa akin. Paano mo nakakayang saktan ako ng ganito?"

He looked at my eyes, as if realization hit him. Siguro alam na niya kung bakit ako nagkakaganito ngayon.

"Kaya pala palagi kang nagmamadaling umalis. Kasi you're going to 'something important'," I made sure to emphasize the word to him.