Fixing Broken Hearts

13

Warnings:
-Mentions physical (child) abuse

Elliot's POV

As promised, I rang the bell to Tristan's house around half past three. Clay was excitedly sitting in his wheelchair because he liked to be away from home and really appreciated what Tris' mother had done for him.

The door was opened by Tristan himself, a smile appearing on his face when he looked at us. 'Come in!' he exclaimed, closing the door behind us when we got into the hallway. 'Do you need anything, Clay? How are you doing today?'

'Decent,' Clay replied with a nod. 'And no thank you, I'm alright.'

Tristan nodded back at him and seemed to get excited when he saw Clay smile at him. He usually didn't get much attention from the popular boys, definitely not the ones who knew he was gay, but Clay liked him the way he was, gay or not.

Clay stood up for a second and stumbled to the couch, where Tristan's mother already made a place for Clay. There were pillows on the couch, a blanket and a lot of snacks on the table for him.

'I wanted to give you an amazing afternoon,' Tristan's mother replied. 'Do you have Netflix or anything at home?'

We both shook our heads. 'But Clay has been complaining about it for quite some time!' I exclaimed with a soft laugh. Clay rolled his eyes at me, but chuckled too because he knew it was true.

'Do you want to watch some series with me?' Tristan's mother asked. 'Maybe you prefer to watch alone, but if you want to watch together, I'm free the whole rest of the day!'

'Maybe we can watch something together? You surely have great recommendations!' Clay cheered. To leave them to whatever they wanted to watch, I walked with Tristan to his room.

Tristan sat down on his bed and waited for me to sit down as well. 'It has been quite some time since we hang out for a while. Yesterday you had to go and before that, we haven't seen each other in ages either.'

I thought about Clay again and kept seeing my father beat him into his face, blood rolling from his nose and a cut in his forehead. I gulped and glanced back at Tristan. 'Yeah, school has been crazy together with soccer. But I'm here and looking forward to hanging out with you.'

'I was so excited to tell you about the camp!' he started, grabbing my hand from happiness. I smiled softly and looked down at our connected hands, a fluttery feeling in my stomach.

I felt my cheeks get red and the feeling started to become worse. It turned into a warm sensation and the need to feel his hands closer to me. I kept staring at his hand, imagining him to touch my chest. It wasn't the first time I thought about these things, but usually I was able to push it away and act like I was fine.

However, the thoughts kept coming and made me so uncomfortable that I snapped back. I cleared my throat and moved backwards to get further away from him, because I didn't want to feel this way ever again. Yet, Tristan turned his eyes away and then suddenly stood up.

'Are you homophobic?' he asked with a harsh voice.

I stayed quiet and felt as if a knife stabbed me into my heart. My insecurities seemed to turn into something he recognised as homophobia, while Tristan was one of the most important people in my life.

I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to admit what I felt. I couldn't even think about it without breaking down into tears and kept thinking about the boy on my TikTok page.

My breath hitched and my hands started shaking. I cared so much about him, but suddenly, I completely shut down. I tried to speak to him, but my voice was gone. I could feel the words laying on the tip of my tongue, yet, I couldn't say them. No matter how hard I tried, the words weren't coming out.

'Is that just the reason why you're acting so weird the past few weeks? It hasn't been too long since I came out to you and I've been feeling unwelcome. Is that why I'm not allowed to come over and why you're so uncomfortable whenever I lay a singular finger on you?'

I saw my father in front of Clay again, his hands lifted up in the air. Within seconds, Clay was hit and he fell backwards. I saw him trip again, hitting the back of his head against the mirror in his closet.

Soon enough, the mirror broke and glass shattered all around him. A puddle of blood began to fill the ground below him, his cries making me feel more and more hopeless.

I glanced up at Tristan who looked so angry that I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I was afraid he would hurt me like my father hurt Clay and the anger in his eyes made me shake heavily.

'Elliot?' Tristan said with a calm voice as soon as he saw a tear rolling down my cheek. 'I'm so sorry, did I make you upset?'

He immediately sat down next to me and grabbed my shaky hand. 'You're suddenly clammy from sweat. I shouldn't have accused you and yelled at you like that. I'm really sorry and hope you can forgive me.'

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't speak. However, because I really needed his comfort, I curled up and gently leaned against his chest with my head, my knees on his lap. Tristan smiled at me and pulled me closer, both his arms around my back.

'You're safe with me, Elliot. I promise you are safe with me and I'm really sorry if I made you feel unsafe,' he apologised again.

A tear dropped down on his shirt, making me feel weaker and weaker. I didn't want to cry and definitely not complain about the situation. Clay was the only one who was allowed to cry about it, I didn't even have to go through the pain he did, but still felt so hurt that I often cried.

'I know you're not homophobic, El,' Tristan confirmed. 'You're the sweetest and most accepting guy I know. I let my insecurities take over my thoughts and emotions. Am I talking too much?'

I shook my head and took a deep breath, the anxiety slowly fading a little bit again. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and enjoyed his hugs, but the words were too far for me to speak out, fearing another episode of severe anxiety if I thought about the fluttery feeling in my stomach...

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