Fixing Broken Hearts

43

Warnings:
-Only mentions of the past events

Clay's POV

~ A Few Days Later ~

I felt really bad for Tristan and the way Elliot treated him and honestly, felt disappointed as well because he didn't even visit me anymore. Instead, I had been hanging out with Tristan every day and went outside with him.

I was still in an awful amount of pain and my injuries weren't recovering quick enough for me to leave. I was waiting for rehabilitation so I could start walking again, but due to my broken ribs, I had to rest first.

But honestly, I was mostly upset that my jaw was scattered. I couldn't talk, I couldn't eat, I couldn't swallow well. I was tube fed since I got here and hated the tube stinging in my nose and throat.

At the same time, I was struggling more mentally than physically. I was having a hard time with all of my flashbacks and felt awful for not feeling any type of grief nor going to my father's funeral.

I started to have nightmares every now and then, but I had the sweetest doctor and he always came to me to check if I was okay. When he saw I was awake, he laid with me in my bed until I fell asleep again and held me.

He mentioned he wasn't really allowed to, but it calmed me down so much that I was often looking forward to getting a hug from him. He told me a lot about himself, his family with three kids and that one of them suffered from trauma due to bullying. The only thing that helped them was when he laid with them.

I really appreciated him and even stayed up once, just so he would come to hug me. I felt really alone in the hospital and before Tristan came every day, barely anyone visited me. George and Sapnap came as often as they could, but because of school, they always missed the visiting hours.

I was looking at Tristan who ran around the grass field, a big smile on his face. I was really glad to see him laugh because when I realised I had been chatting with him online, I started to understand how much he was pushing away to be there for Elliot and me.

He panted as he pushed my wheelchair to a bench. He sat down and looked me into my eyes. 'Are you doing okay?' he asked, just like he did every single day to make sure I felt alright.

I nodded and grabbed his hand, trying to make it clear that I wanted him to talk about his feelings. He understood the hint and turned his eyes away. 'I don't know, Elliot just isn't talking to me anymore. I really miss him, but I'm started to lose feelings for him as well. He's nonstop lying to me and acts like he quit watching porn, but his history is full of it.'

I pulled him closer and wrapped my arm around him as I let him speak.

'I never really talked about it, but my mother thinks I have an eating disorder...' he admitted. 'I don't know if I do, but I like to have control over myself and tend to stop eating because of it. I know I lost weight, but it never feels like it's enough.'

I laid my hand on his cheek to make clear I wanted to tell him he looked perfect, but Tristan stared at me and seemed to misunderstand the hint. I was about to lower my hand as he leaned in and suddenly pressed his lips on mine.

I wasn't sure what to do for quite a while and let him kiss me, my eyes wide open as I thought about what was happening. At the same time, I felt the man's lips back on my body and my own lips, the rape becoming more clear.

Tristan moved away and gulped, turning his head away. I felt so awful for him that I grabbed his hand, but honestly, I knew for sure I wasn't into guys... Tristan took the hint wrongly against and leaned in a second time.

As soon as our lips connected, I tried to kiss him back to make him happy, but my traumas were too overwhelming and I didn't want to play with his feelings. I had such an extreme fear that I pushed him away from me and felt my chest getting awfully tight.

Tristan gasped as soon as he realised he didn't understand my hints right and in pure panic, he jumped up. 'I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I was just sad and I thought you- never mind. I have to go.'

I grabbed his hand, but he pulled away and with tears rolling down his cheeks, he ran off. I breathed out and stared at the grass below my wheelchair, trying to figure out a way to get back to my room. However, I knew I wouldn't be able to with only one arm I could use and pressed my emergency button.

It took quite a while for my favourite doctor to come outside, mostly because he likely went to my room first. Instead of pushing me back inside right away, he decided to sit down next to me and lifted me up from my wheelchair to let me sit on his lap.

'What happened, Clay? You look really pale,' he said as he grabbed his phone and opened it on notepads. I just needed to talk and decided to be honest, grabbing his phone.

"Tristan is gay, he misunderstood my kindness and kissed me. I support him, but I'm straight and know that for sure. I got a flashback to when the man who raped me kissed me and pushed him away after a while. He ran off and cried, he was the only person I had :("

'I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Do you want me to video call him and talk to him while you're next to me? Otherwise, I'll come here in my free time every day to go outside with you.'

I widened my eyes and saw him smile sweetly.

'Honey, I really want to be here for you and know how alone you feel. I will be here every day to go outside with you and if I'm not working during this time, I will come to the visiting hour to make sure you'll go outside.'

"He helped me beat my addiction, but if I lost him, I know I'm going to relapse again :("

'Tell me, what can I do to help you?'

"I don't want to bother you, you're busy enough. Tristan called me every morning, after visiting hours and in the evening, but in the end, I have to do it on my own nonetheless."

'In the end, you'll have to do it. I don't know what you're dealing with, and it's none of my business, unless you want to talk about it, but it sounds like you just need some extra support right now and that's okay.'

I smiled softly and rested my head against his shoulder. I wanted to thank him, but couldn't speak so decided to form a heart with my hands in the hope he would understand my appreciation.

1214 words