Fixing Broken Hearts

42

Warnings:
-Swearing + abuse
-Sexual addictions

Tristan's POV

~ A Week Later ~

The more days passed without knowing what was going on in Elliot's life, the harder it took for me to stay patient and wait for him to talk to me. I respected his choice, but I was very cautious as well after his psychosis. I was terrified he would relapse again without telling me.

I was sitting on his bed as he showered for the first time in weeks. I basically forced him to and dragged him to the shower because he was constantly itching his hair and began to smell like sweat, which I wouldn't normally mind, but I did mind it after a few weeks without a shower.

My eyes were constantly pulled towards his phone and laptop on the bed and even though I really didn't want to betray his trust, I still grabbed them to make sure he was doing okay and wouldn't end up in even worse behaviour than before.

I opened the laptop and glanced at the screen. I moved the cursor to his internet history and breathed out from the nerves. I didn't want to betray him, but I couldn't deal with the insecurity anymore. I knew he often lied to me before, I didn't want to risk missing out on something important again...

I went to his history, mostly because I knew he was still confused every now and then and I doubted he knew how to delete his history. Just as I thought, his history hadn't been deleted and my eyes scanned the words.

I felt my heart skip a beat when I realised all of his last searches had something to do with gay porn. I couldn't help but sigh loudly and wanted to put it away as Elliot opened the door in a sudden motion. I gasped and glanced at the towel he wrapped around his waist, on his way to the closet as he realised I was on his laptop.

'Why are you looking at my stuff?' he exclaimed, roughly grabbing the laptop out of my hands. He slammed the screen down to close it and stared at me with eyes full of hatred. 'Can you just leave my room, thank you!'

'Elliot... I'm just so worried about you,' I whispered. 'And I guess I had the right to be worried, you've only been looking at porn.'

His face flushed red, shaking it heavily. 'Just fuck off, dude. I'm not looking at porn, and even if I was, who cares? It's none of your business and you should stay off my phone or else I'll hurt you.'

'You wouldn't get this defensive if you weren't watching it,' I said, slowly standing up from his bed. 'Elliot, I feel like I can't trust you anymore.'

'That's your problem, leave me alone,' he scoffed, grabbing my shoulder with a harsh touch.

'Please,' I whispered. 'I just really miss the Elliot I once knew and fell in love with...'

I wanted to walk away, as suddenly, I felt a burning sensation on my cheek. I gasped and stepped back as soon as I realised he slapped me, staring into his lifeless eyes.

'I just hate you,' he groaned, storming off right away. I stood in silence, shocked about what just happened, and slowly sat down on the bed again. After a while, I stood up and decided to go to Clay, my last hope to help Elliot.

~~~

Clay waved with a faint smile on his face, due to his broken jaw, and wiped some drool from his chin. He had been really embarrassed about the drooling, but I assured him it was okay and he didn't need to feel bad.

'Clay... I know you've been going through a lot, but I need your help,' I whispered. 'And I just feel awful because I lied to you as well and probably shouldn't ask for your help, but I don't know what to do and-.'

He grabbed my hand and raised his index finger to his mouth to show me I had to stop talking. He reached out to his phone and started typing with one hand, which went slowly, but I patiently waited for him to be done.

"I know it was you I've been chatting with and I'm really glad I was able to meet someone as understanding and kind as you were to me. Elliot accidentally told me about Patrick, which made it click on my brain. Anyway, what's up with Elliot?"

I sighed relieved and looked at him again. 'I've just been too afraid to tell you, I thought you would feel betrayed, but I'm here for you, Clay. And Elliot... I really don't know what to do anymore. He's just not doing okay.'

Clay raised his eyebrow in the hope I would explain what was going on.

'I just feel like I'm betraying him, but I have to talk to someone. One night, I went downstairs and heard him throw up. When I got there, he said he got sick from a biscuit and I believed it, but I've heard him throw up more often since that day and he always makes up excuses. But, I saw opened packages and our food keeps disappearing...'

Clay nodded and started typing again.

"Bulimia?"

'I'm not sure... but I'm suspecting it. Next to that, I guess he doesn't come out of bed anymore and is on his laptop or phone a lot. I searched through it because I was so worried and apparently he has been... uh- looking at porn multiple times a day. I confronted him with it and he slapped me.'

Clay's finger was going fast over his screen, typing as quick as he could to get back to me.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you, Tris. One thing you should know, our family is very sensitive to addictions. I've been addicted to porn and masturbation as well, so has our dad. I know Elliot wasn't addicted to this a few months ago, though."

'Have you been able to beat those addictions?' I asked. 'And if so, how? What can I do to help?'

"I blocked the porn sites on my phone because I noticed it made me aggressive in a way. When I couldn't watch it, I got angry and was frustrated most of the time with everyone. I still struggle with my masturbation addiction, but it's getting a lot better. I haven't really been able to talk about it, but I know that I need to, just like Elliot does."

'You can talk to me about it,' I promised. 'These addictions are common and not weird.'

He smiled and pulled me closer to rest his head against my shoulder.

"My little brother is very similar to me, more than I thought. I know he's going to make your life hell, but I'm afraid the only option is to block the sites from his phone and laptop. Thanks to that, I started touching myself less often, but I still struggle a lot because I'm in a bed all day and can't do much else than staring at the ceiling."

'Is there a certain time you struggle the most?' I questioned, seeing him think.

"When I wake up, after visiting hours and before bed. I know this sounds crazy, but I went from about eight times to two to four :)"

'I'm really proud of you, Clay. Would it help if I call you around those times?' I suggested. 'We can play some games together on call to distract you from touching yourself.'

"That would help a lot, thank you, Tris <3. But now, I want to do something YOU like. You've gone through so much the past few weeks and you need to relax a little bit and distract yourself as well."

'Are you allowed to go outside in a wheelchair? Or does that hurt too much? Elliot doesn't want to go outside with me anymore and it's different to go with my parents.'

He gently lifted himself up and stuck out his hand so I would help him get into his wheelchair. However, I felt tears in my eyes and moved closer to him first to give him a gentle hug...

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