Fixing Broken Hearts

20

Warnings:
-Emotional + physical (child) abuse
-Suicidal thoughts
-Throwing up

Clay's POV

Elliot wasn't at home while I locked myself in my room for quite some time. Because of how scared I was yesterday evening, I used heroin again. The rush it gave me was amazing and the calmness right after that was even better.

However, when I woke up, I felt aggravated and restless. My eyes were bloodshot, my face turned into a greyish and ashen shade covered with bruises. But because I hadn't gone to school since I was beaten up really severely, I was constantly at home in the hell that made me want to die...

I grabbed my phone to check for messages, but after a few days, even Sapnap and George gave up wishing me well. I knew they cared, but I was "sick" for so long and so often that they could barely keep up.

I threw my phone on my bed and tried to stand up, but my body was still so incredibly sore that I fell back down on my bed. I curled up, but even that hurt me so much that I laid straight on my back as I stared at the ceiling.

Hopelessly, I went to my phone again to check Elliot's location. He was allowed to go anywhere he wanted, but I missed talking to him. Soon enough, I realised he was with Tristan again, a smirk on my face because I wasn't crazy.

I had seen the way Elliot looked at Tristan and they started to spend more and more time together. I didn't want to interrupt their time together and still managed to stand up from my bed because I really wanted to eat something after starving for at least two days.

Each movement was painful and seemed to get worse as I kept walking. To be as quiet as possible, I sat down on the stairs and slowly slid myself down because I couldn't walk it from the pain.

I got into the kitchen after a few minutes, but gasped when I saw my father making his breakfast. I immediately turned around, but he had already seen me and walked up to me.

'Why are you here? You're not supposed to be anywhere else than your room, don't you get that?' he groaned, his tone so threatening that I knew he was going to beat me... Again.

'I thought I could get some food,' I tried with a polite voice. 'Usually, you bought food for Elliot so-.'

'And you're not Elliot, are you?' he asked. 'If you want food, go to the store and get it yourself. Don't show your face to me because that is enough to piss me off.'

'I'll try to go to the store,' I whispered, my eyes turning away because I was awfully terrified of him. 'I'm really sorry.'

!! physical (child) abuse !!

I walked to the door, but he followed me and then when I opened the door, he suddenly pushed me forward. I couldn't react fast enough and fell right on top of my wrist, that seemed to snap, and then felt my head slam against the floor.

An insane headache came up, along with a heavy stinging sensation in my wrist. My father stamped his foot on my back, which made my wrist get twisted even more. My fingers hit the top of my wrist, a scream leaving my mouth right away.

I rolled to my side and felt a stream of blood rolling down my forehead from hitting the stone floor. I glanced down at my wrist, a feeling of nausea overwhelming me when I saw the shape of it.

My father turned around and just chuckled. He walked inside and came back with a bag of dog treats, throwing a handful in front of me on the ground. 'There's your food.'

I didn't notice until now that tears were rolling down my face, but my father took advantage of my weakness. He grabbed me by my neck and pushed my face down on the ground to make me eat the dog treats.

'Come on, on your knees and eat!' he exclaimed, turning back to the door again. I had no clue why he had dog treats, but when he came back, I saw him holding a bottle of cat food.

He opened it and stuck a spoon in the slimy substance with some pieces of likely fish. He lifted up a spoonful and knelt down, roughly opening my mouth. He pushed the spoon deep into my throat, but the taste made me gag within a second.

!! throwing up !!

He made me close my mouth so I would get the food in my mouth, but as soon as he let go, I gagged again and felt painful and stinging bile come up in my mouth. I felt like choking and coughed and gagged at the same time, throwing up on the ground.

!! both warnings over !!

'That's what you deserve, but even the worst dog deserves better than you. You should be crawling on hands and knees, locked in a cage.'

I was dizzy as I tried to stand up, the pain in my wrist so severe that tears made its way into my eyes right away. I wanted to grab my phone to text Elliot, but soon realised I forgot it upstairs.

I didn't hesitate and ran away from the house, trying to ignore the pain and lightheaded feeling. I just had to be gone here, and as quick as I could...

~~~

I was panting heavily when I arrived at Tristan's house. My wrist started to hurt so badly that I had been sobbing loudly on my way here and hopelessly slammed my painless hand on the door.

However, after a minute there still wasn't a reply so I opened the fence gate to the garden and neared the window to look through it. I laid my hand on the window and blocked the reflection of myself, trying to find someone inside.

After a second, I saw Elliot laying down on the couch. His shirt was off while Tristan laid down next to him. I couldn't tell if they were asleep or just cuddling, but either way, I felt too bad to disturb them. I knew Elliot was stressed a lot of the time and slept poorly, I didn't want him to wake up...

I slowly lowered my hand and hopelessly turned away, sliding down the wall to sit in the grass. I couldn't resist the feeling of crying anymore and bursted out in tears straight away. My brother deserved all the happiness and rest he could get, but I really needed someone right now.

However, apparently my sobs were so loud that the door opened right away. Elliot ran outside and immediately focused on the wound in my forehead, but I shook my head and tried to lift my wrist.

'I don't want to go back to the hospital anymore, Elliot. I'm too tired of living, I'm too tired to go there again and again... I don't want to fight anymore.' I started crying heavily and curled myself up. 'I want to die...'

Elliot was just looking at me, tears in his eyes. He stayed quiet and kept staring in front of him.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered, just crawling into his arms in the hope he would forgive me.

1222 words