Fixing Broken Hearts

46

Warnings:
-Suicide attempt (drugs overdose)

Elliot's POV

~ A Few Weeks Later ~

My movements were slow, attempting to stick the needle into my purplish skin for the third time. I groaned when I couldn't find my vein and threw the needle on the floor out of anger, slowly turning around to see if I had any drugs left.

'Casper!' I exclaimed, but my voice was severely weakened over the past few weeks. 'I really need some new drugs.'

He opened the door and looked at me, a soft sigh escaping his mouth. 'Elliot, I think you need help,' he replied. 'Our friend group experimented with drugs every now and then, but we didn't want you to turn into a junkie.'

'I'm not a junkie...' I muttered. 'I'm fine, I just want more.'

'Elliot, Lana is right. I'm not your caregiver, so aren't my friends. You need to go home to your brother and Tristan. I don't think you realise what you're doing to yourself but I can't even recognise you from the boy I met in the club. You're as thin as a skeleton, your skin is greyish and your eyes are fully red...'

'I'm too embarrassed to text them, the step has become too big for me,' I admitted. 'I know they don't want me anymore and so wouldn't I. I wouldn't want myself, I don't want to be who I am. I don't want to die, but I want to be free. I don't think I will ever be free.'

Casper sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around me. 'Not if you refuse to ask for help. You need intensive therapy to cope with PTSD, you don't need to destroy your life even more than that.'

Suddenly, I started to cry. I had no clue where they came from, but tears rolled down my face as if I was reminded of the worst thing in my life again. My chest began to get more tight and I gasped for air, breathing quicker and quicker.

'Elliot, try to breathe calmly. I'm here for you and I won't let go, but you do really need Clay and Tristan in your life again. I think, even though I joked about it, that innocent and sweet boy was YOU.'

I continued to panic more and more, hopelessly moving my hand to my pants because it became such an addiction that I figured as soon as I panicked, I had to solve it that way.

Casper grabbed my hand and shook his head. 'Not everything is able to be fixed by pleasuring yourself. It feels good for a minute, but then you feel sad again, same with alcohol and drugs.'

'Casper...' I whispered through my loud sobs as I felt the light stomach ache I had been feeling for a while get a lot worse, as if my stomach was about to burst.

He turned his eyes towards me and saw me holding my stomach, my face apparently turning to a different shade because Casper stood up and grabbed the trash can right away. 'I thought you were sober, what did you take?'

'Too much...' I whispered. 'But I w-wanted more so I would d-die. I want more h-heroin and meth.'

'Elliot, who gave you those drugs? I didn't even know you used that shit, those drugs are really awful.'

'Brandon...' I murmured. 'Tell Clay and T-Tristan I love them. I just w-want to die... and hope I'll f-finally get the peace I need.'

Casper jumped up and grabbed my phone from the charger in my room, dialling the emergency number straight away. I tried to grab the phone, but started sweating more and more as I curled up.

Honestly, I didn't want anyone to know I was purposely overdosing on drugs, my own medication and alcohol. I genuinely made up my mind and was convinced I wanted to die because I felt like I served no more purpose on this earth.

Apparently, even the person who got me into this cared enough to call an ambulance, while I was sure no one even would bother and just leave me to die. I knew I started to look horrible and created a personality I would hate to speak to as a person...

~~~

A few hours after the ambulance was called, I woke up from a surgery, in which they pumped my stomach. I was honestly just mad at Casper for calling an ambulance, because I didn't ask for one and wanted to be gone.

However, that thought quickly changed as my door opened. I looked up and glanced straight into Tristan's and Clay's eyes. Clay, who was apparently walking again, neared me and then gave me the tightest hug I had ever gotten.

'Why would you hug me? What do I do to make your lives any better? I know you're better off without me and-.'

'And I've never missed anyone as much as I missed my little brother,' Clay replied as he stepped aside to make place for Tristan. I looked him into the eyes and gulped as I saw the change he went through as well.

He lost an awful amount of weight, but unlike me, I knew he was trying to lose weight. His eyes were lifeless, his arms hidden under a wide and baggy hoodie. He was too afraid to approach me and shoved his feet over the floor. 'Hi, I'm glad to see you again.'

I was thinking about the right words to say, but honestly, the only think I could think of seemed to come out. 'I'm so sorry...'

'You don't need to apologise,' Clay replied. 'Casper talked to us and we know how lost you were. We don't know much about it, but you're always my brother and that'll never change.'

'I lost myself, and I'm still lost,' I whispered. 'I don't know how I'll ever recover anymore at this point. I'm so tired of fighting.'

'Then you need to stop fighting and finally let go, but ask others to fight for you while you can't right now,' Tristan stumbled. 'Because we would've, Elliot.'

'I'm the worst friend, the worst brother and I would be an awful boyfriend. I want to die, I don't want to be on this hell of an earth. I stopped believing in that God guy too, I want to believe in Him, though. I want to feel normal again, but I don't think it's even going to happen at this point.'

'We will pray with you,' Clay replied. 'Because I used to hate God, but I love Him more than anything right now. He saved me from my darkest hours and I will be forever thankful for that.'

'I'm just disgusting, I did things that I would never be strong enough to admit...'

'I think already know based on your physical exam results,' Tristan said. 'And honestly, I thought I would be upset, but it wasn't you who did that, it was the lost Elliot, not the one I met.'

'What results?' I stumbled, Clay sighing softly.

'You've got some STDs, but you already got a prescription ready to be picked up. But Elliot, you're not going home anymore... You need very urgent help and Tristan's parents signed as your guardian and agreed to admit you to a mental health clinic.'

'I don't want to work on myself,' I tried one last time.

'You don't want to face the pain, but I promise, it's worth it. We are all going to find the best help for ourselves too, but you were our priority...'

1265 words

Summary:
Elliot tries to commit suicide, but Casper saves him and Tristan's parents signed as Elliot's guardians to admit him to a mental hospital