Fixing Broken Hearts

31

Warnings:
-Mentions sexual abuse

Elliot's POV

Clay got more and more distant, while my mental health started decreasing more each day, just like Tristan's. Slowly, everyone around me began to look like some shadow of what we once were. It was too difficult for all of us to cheer the other up, but still accepted that from each other.

Tristan and I were just silently sitting on his bed, no words, just acceptance and love towards each other. Honestly, it felt like the best medicine was to just sit with the boy I loved, his arm around my shoulders as my head rested on his.

After a while, he pressed a gentle kiss on my temple and grabbed my hand. 'I went to therapy yesterday, did I tell you?'

I looked up, but my eyes felt too heavy to raise them for too long. I turned them down again and shook my head. 'Tell me about it... If you want to, because I don't know if you're-.'

'I'm sorry for not opening up to you, El. I asked my therapist what I should do too and I finally got a confirmation that I have to tell you about it. I have a reason why I couldn't tell you, and I wasn't ready either.'

'I accept that,' I replied straight away. 'I'm not upset with that, I just wish I could have helped you so you wouldn't have faded away this badly.'

He shook his head and smiled gently. 'I think I would have slipped away either way, Elliot. It isn't your fault that I did, it was Patrick... I'm just going to say it, but it's hard for me.'

I didn't speak, mostly because I wanted to give him time to prepare himself.

'Patrick saw us and knew I cheated on him, which was wrong of me for sure, but he blackmailed me and would tell everyone you are gay if I didn't listen to him. Anyway, I'm stalling, that one night I texted you, he raped me...'

I gasped and squeezed his hand, an electric shock going through my body right away. 'I'm so sorry, Tris. I had no clue and hope I've done enough for you. Is there anything I can do to be there as much as possible for you?'

'Elliot, this is the reason I wasn't ready to tell you. You're going through so much yourself and always try to be there as much as you can for me and your brother, but I don't want you to do anything in your power for me. I want you to focus on yourself instead.'

I swallowed and leaned closer to him. 'Tristan, maybe I can do something for you in a different way than I usually do...' I stumbled. 'Maybe you like to be distracted, and so do I, so we could maybe... go out sometimes? But only if you're comfortable and if you're sure Patrick-.'

'I went to the police with my mother,' he answered. 'So we won't have to deal with Patrick because I showed the police a recording I had because I knew Patrick was planning something bad. I would love to go out with you, more than anything.'

'I'm very proud of you,' I answered with a soft voice, fighting my anxiety so I would be able to kiss him on the cheek, however, I was too scared and back off.

'What's wrong?' he asked when he saw my hesitation.

'It's stupid. Anyway, for the-.'

He grabbed my hand and shook his head. 'I want you to communicate with me, Elliot. We both need that right now more than anything.'

'I just wanted to kiss your cheek, but I guess I'm too afraid to. I know it's just a simple thing, but for me it's a step too far right now. I'm still struggling with my sexuality and taking the first step. I haven't even spoke out the words to myself, it's still very new...'

'That's okay, Elliot. I've always known, but even for me, it was difficult to talk about it and say the words out loud. I can only imagine how you must feel when you had absolutely no clue, or at least tried to push it away for years.'

'I don't think I'm into girls either and it really scares me, Tristan. I just want to be with you, but it hurts me so much to imagine later, my wedding with a guy, without my parents there... I despise my father for what he does to Clay, but he's my dad and I still love him for what it's worth.'

'And that's okay,' Tristan replied with a comforting voice. 'I can understand that, El. I wouldn't stop loving my parents either, it's not something you can control.'

I nodded and closed my eyes as I curled up, immediately opening my eyes again because a flashback seemed to wait for me to close my eyes, ready to attack me as soon as it could. Tristan noticed my body tensing up and gently made me lay down, laying down next to me on his bed.

'I'm with you, El. I promise, you're safe with me. You can close your eyes and try to sleep, okay? I know you haven't slept in days, you really need it right now.'

I stayed quiet, but craved sleep more than anything, yet, I had been too scared to. I began to walk around the whole night while drinking coffee to stay awake, just so I wouldn't have flashbacks. The last time I slept was so fearful that I refused to ever go through that again.

But I really needed some sleep as well right now and was sure Tristan would do as he promised and keep me safe as I slept. 'But what if I get scared again? Maybe Clay needs me and-.'

'Clay has George and Sapnap as well and they know about the abuse at home. Even in case of emergency, I can take your phone to check and wake you up. I'll keep you calm if you get a nightmare. Do you want me to massage your back and neck while you lay down?'

I nodded again and closed my eyes, constantly opening them again to make sure I was still safe. However, they started to get more and more heavy, definitely when I felt Tristan's hands on my back.

I tried to fight my sleep because I was so awfully afraid, but thanks to Tristan, I still fell asleep really quickly after that because I was so tired...

1092 words