Fixing Broken Hearts

21

Warnings:
-Panic attack

Elliot's POV

I had been up all night to take care of Clay, just like Tristan's parents and Tristan himself did. Clay didn't want help, but the pain in his eyes whenever you looked into them cut deep in my soul.

Knowing what an immense pain he went through, but felt so tired of living that even going to the hospital seemed pointless to him, was like he had hit a new rock bottom. I was afraid he wouldn't get out of it anymore as long as he wouldn't get away from our father.

It was three at night when I heard another sob. I tried to leave it for a while because I knew he often didn't want to be bothered during moments like this, but when it continued for a minute, I couldn't leave him to suffer on his own anymore.

With quiet footsteps, I snuck to the guest room. Tristan was finally sleeping and didn't hear me, so I quickly closed the door behind me and went to Clay. Silently, I opened the door, which Clay didn't even hear due to his own sobs.

He was sitting on his knees, his head faced to the wall. He held his wrist against his chest and was curled up, rolling to his side because it seemed like he completely lost a sense of reality and was very confused.

'Clay, I'm here,' I whispered as I crawled into the bed next to him. He gasped and looked up at me, tears streaming down his face. 'Clay, I know you don't want to, but you have to go to the hospital.'

'No,' he mumbled straight away, his eyes big from exhaustion and shock at the same time. At this point, I knew I couldn't force him anymore and listened to what he wanted. I laid down next to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

Because he wasn't wearing his shirt, I could see the countless bruises on his chest. It gave me such insane anxiety again that I froze, my body numb and locked in this position. I could almost recall every single one of the bruises he had and kept seeing it replay in front of me.

I sighed softly and tried to forget about the pain inside, focusing on Clay. For some reason, it seemed like he started to calm down when laying down in my arms. He was doing anything to avoid using his wrist, but closed his eyes peacefully.

~~~

Clay and I managed to get some sleep before I was getting ready to go to church with Tristan. The thought of us making out and now going to church had been so disturbing to me that I even started to make excuses why I wouldn't be able to go to church today.

I gulped as I walked into Tristan's room, a topic in my head so I wouldn't have to talk about the situation that happened yesterday. 'We've skipped soccer again yesterday, I miss playing.'

Tristan nodded slowly, but walked closer to me because he knew I was trying to avoid the one topic we both wished to get clarification on. 'El, about yesterday... It truly meant something to me. I wish we could have spent more time together after it, but since we couldn't, maybe we can talk about it now?'

'We have to get ready for church, though,' I stumbled, but he shook his head.

'We still have an hour before it starts. You seem to be avoiding this topic and it makes me feel like you didn't like it the way I did...'

'Tristan, please stop. I'm just not ready. I'm terrified someone will figure it out and I hate the thought of going to church, seeing my parents and just lie and act normal, as if nothing happened.'

'I promise, no one will ever hear it from me nor my mother,' Tristan replied. 'You can be honest to me, Elliot.'

'I'm not gay, okay?' I exclaimed, tears in my eyes from all the stress. 'LEAVE ME ALONE, I HATE MY LIFE ENOUGH AND-.'

I couldn't even finish my sentence and turned around. I slammed the door behind us as the tears started to roll down my cheeks. The anxiety was building up so much that I felt my legs shake, my chest tightening.

However, at the end of the hallway, Clay was waiting for me with wide open arms. I didn't hesitate a second and ran into his arms while sobbing loudly.

'Stop staying strong for me all the time, Elliot. You're my little brother and I'm supposed to take care of you. I love you and no matter how suicidal I am, I would never leave you, El. You need to start talking about your feelings as well.'

I swallowed and tried to breathe calmly, but couldn't fight the deep fear inside anymore. Soon, I started hyperventilating and fell down on my knees. I reached my hand out to Clay, who calmly sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around me.

'I'm here, Elliot. I'm here.' His voice was soothing, as if he wasn't going through anything himself and just wanted to help others. 'Did you ever notice Tris is a handsome guy?'

My face shot up and I looked at him with the sweetest smile I had seen in ages. 'D-do y-you k-...'

'I'm your brother,' he answered, ruffling my hair. 'And the love in your eyes when you look at Tristan is something I wish would happen to me.'

I was lost for words and saw him grin softly, pressing his lips on my cheek. 'I know it makes you anxious, El, but choose yourself for once, please. What do YOU want? Do you want to be with Tristan?'

'N-n-no,' I lied, but my eyes immediately turned away.

'Aww, it's cute to see my brother fall in love for the first time. I remember when I fell in love the first time and honestly felt really alone, but I'm here for you. If I had to pick one boy for you, it would Tris.'

'How d-did you know?' I whispered as I swallowed.

'Because I've never seen you show any interest in girls. You've always looked at either no one or the boys passing by. But honestly, I feel like you didn't know it yourself, did you? I didn't really know it until a few days back, I was sure when you brought me here and looked at Tris. Go for him, dude. I'm begging you.'

'Really?'

Clay nodded right away, which made me jump up and run back to Tristan's room. I opened the door and without saying a word, I connected my lips with his...

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