Fixing Broken Hearts

30

Warnings:
-Mentions sexual abuse
-Sexual assault (very brief as the scene isn't written)

Clay's POV

Slowly but surely, I started slipping away in a deep addiction to heroin. My daily usage started to turn my skin greyish, my eyes bloodshot and my hands shaky as soon as I wasn't able to touch the drugs I needed to survive.

I started to snap more often without it, to George, Sapnap and Elliot. I didn't want to, but without using drugs, it felt like my life was such a hell that I didn't want to live. I knew if I hadn't discovered heroin, I would have committed suicide by now and honestly, wouldn't have regret it.

However, my addiction came to a turning point the past few days and I began to use two to four times a day. I had to be high all the time or I would panic, so badly that I stood in my room with a knife against my throat for hours, just so I could end it all.

At this point, I hadn't gone to school anymore, but I texted while I was high and met up with my friends a few times while being as high as I could. They didn't seem to realise my strange behaviour, but must have noticed something by now.

Eventually, I got lost in a world full of addiction when my sexual addiction began to become worse as well. As soon as the stitches were out and the pain got less, masturbation turned into five times a day, at least...

I knew I was slipping away more and more, but I didn't see an end in this chaos. I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to, and slowly started to realise heroin became a severe addiction. I was seventeen and addicted to drugs, something I wished I would have never had to say.

Hopelessly looking for pleasure, I grabbed my phone and went to the dating site I downloaded. I wasn't even looking for someone to date, but started to become so needy for pleasure and excitement that I thought these creepy sites were probably the right way to go.

I saw I had some matches after swiping yesterday and because I had a sexual bio, most of them asked me for pictures and videos. At this point, this was my only way of getting some joy and without thinking much about it, I started recording myself masturbating so I could send it to them.

~~~

I heard my creaky door open and immediately lifted the sheets up high. However, my father had already seen me and grinned as he walked into the room. 'You have to be taught a lesson, Clay. I'm not the one who is going to do that, but you truly need to start listening and acting normal for once in your life.'

The grin on his face scared me, the statement that he wasn't going to be the one to do it made me even more scared. Immediately, I started to look around for ways I could escape, yet I couldn't seem to find any as my father stayed in the room while he was on his phone to text someone...

~~~

Suddenly, one of my father's friends walked into my room without a warning. I curled up, knowing he was going to do something really awful to me. My father had been waiting in my room the whole time, I had no chance to grab my phone nor escape to avoid the punishment I would likely get.

However, before I realised, I couldn't fight anymore and my pants were roughly pulled down. I gasped and screamed as I saw my father grin and close the door behind us, but soon realised I could better give up. They were too strong and an abused, drug addict against two who would easily kill me if they wanted to, wouldn't work out too well...

~ An Hour Later ~

My father's friend stroked his clothes back into the right position and chuckled when he looked at me. 'That was clearly your first time with a guy... Might want to ask for some more prep next time because you're bleeding quite a bit.'

He closed the door behind me, which left me staring at the ceiling with wide open eyes, pure shock making my body numb. I knew my father was crazy and knew he would go far, but sending a literal pedophile to me to... have anal sex with me was definitely not on that list.

With a total lack of emotions, I went to Google and searched the first chatting site with others I could find so I would be able to speak to someone, something I never did, but knew I needed right now.

I clicked the first person I saw that had a bio I felt understood by. "Looking for someone to talk with after a traumatic experience with sexual assault, abuse in a relationship and rape." I named myself Dream to hide my real identity from anyone on this site and opened the chat.

Dream
you said you wanted to chat about sexual assault and rape and all that stuff, I guess I do too, but it just happened and I feel invalid because of it.

T.
I'm so sorry to hear that <3 it doesn't make you invalid tho, I've been raped about a week ago and I'm here too. be free to talk about how you feel.

Dream
I don't wanna bother you, you've already gone through it so recently and you likely don't need more of my shit. it was a mistake coming to this site

T.
no, it wouldn't bother me. I feel so alone because there's barely any guys who speak up about being raped, while it's so much more common than we think. I just feel very understood and heard when I realise I'm not alone :)

Dream
I guess so. my dad got a friend of his and made him rape me. I can't sit and barely move, I honestly wish I wouldn't even be here anymore...

T.
you're worthy, Dream. it doesn't matter who you are, what your sexuality, gender, ethnicity or anything else, is. your experience is worth sharing your feelings about and you deserve the help you need to process this.

Dream
that's actually pretty sweet. it feels like it's my fault if I'm honest. I didn't fight back :(

T.
but I'm 100% you wanted to fight back but had a reason why you couldn't or didn't. I was raped by my ex-boyfriend after he abused me a lot of times and blackmailed me, I didn't fight either. I tried, realised he was stronger and gave up because I was so scared. still, I didn't ask for it, I didn't want it. it's rape, nonetheless.

Dream
I'm really sorry... I just don't know if I'm ever going to get over this. have you also just felt numb? I barely feel anything, but hopelessness. I'm just numb.

T.
I was numb for a while and a combination of numbness and hopelessness made me hurt myself. that made me only worse, but I asked for help to someone I loved and she really helped me. it takes time and courage to be honest about something like this, but if you can find anyone you trust, you have to start talking about it to recover from the pain <3

Dream
I don't really have many people to talk to. I have two friends and a brother, but they have enough shit going on.

T.
try to talk to them, but until then, spam me all day if you need someone. I'll be here for you, I promise. I do encourage you to seek help in real life too to start healing.

Dream
thank you <3 you can spam me all day too if you want :)

1302 words

Summary:
Clay's psychopathic father sends a pedophile to Clay.