Fixing Broken Hearts

29

Warnings:
-Mentions sexual abuse
-Mentions self harm
-Panic attack

Tristan's POV

~ A Few Days Later ~

I hadn't told anyone that I stopped eating and to avoid my parents figuring it out, I had been staying in bed for days due to a fake sickness and issues with my stomach. They seemed to believe me, but started to get more pushy the more days passed by and the longer I hadn't eaten.

Silently, I stared at the blood on my wrist. The new cut was dark red and slowly filled up with so much blood that the drops began to roll down. They were soaked up by the napkin I held under my arm, tears rolling down my cheeks as I kept thinking about what happened the days before.

Out of nowhere, the anxiety built up so much that I jumped up. I didn't hesitate anymore and suddenly ran to the stairs, as if I was led there by someone, who I believed was the Holy Spirit. I ran down, not covering my wounds, and sped into the kitchen as tears rolled down faster the longer I walked.

My mother turned around from the food she was preparing, but dropped her spatula straight away when she saw the pain in my eyes. 'Oh, honey. Come here.'

She opened her arms and grabbed mine to wrap them around her. She didn't even care about the blood I was getting on one of her favourite dresses and started to rock to calm me down again.

'I'm with you, love. I'm here,' she whispered as I started to cry louder and louder, a deep inhale making me cough from the lack of air. 'Sweetie, take calm breaths, okay?'

I choked on my own spit and started hyperventilating, my head spinning because of the lightheaded feeling I got. My mother pressed her hand on my chest and began to breathe in louder so I would be able to copy her.

Luckily, I managed to calm down after ten minutes or so, my mother taking my hand to lead me to a chair. She made me sit down, walked back to turn off the stove and then grabbed a new tissue to stop the bleeding on my arms with.

'Honey, please speak to me. I've been noticing you're limited intake of food and the stress you seem to have gone through. You can always tell us anything and hope you will forever feel safe enough to do that as well. I won't force you, but if you tell me, I'll never judge you and will forever love you and listen to you.'

'Mom...' I started with a shaky voice that cracked straight away. 'I can't say it... I have a video, but I would rather not show that either.'

'What makes you not want to show me, love?' she asked as she kissed my cheek. 'Does it include something in the video you don't like?'

I nodded slowly to which she smiled and raised her finger as an idea. 'Turn the video on and turn the screen to the table so I can't see.'

I breathed in and knew this was my only chance to be honest, as only now I felt so hopeless that I would break down if I didn't have anyone to speak to. It made me grab my phone and slowly go to the video, which immediately made my cries visible.

'Stop, please,' I whispered in the video. 'Stop, you're hurting me! No, Patrick, STOP! STOOOP! NO, I DON'T WANT THIS, STOP!'

A video Patrick didn't know I had on my phone... One I secretly recorded when I knew he had bad plans after he caught me and Elliot together. I was sure he was going to do something awful, but didn't know how awful it would be. I turned on my camera right before he... undressed me and raped me.

'Oh, love...' my mother stumbled, tears filling the brim of her eyes. 'Did Patrick touch you in a way you didn't want to, sweetheart?'

I looked her into the eyes, my bottom lip shaking right before I bursted out into tears again. 'Mom... he- he uh- he... he r-ra...'

'Sweetie, come here right now,' she demanded because she really wanted to hold me as tight as she could. 'Did he rape you, honey?'

I could barely nod from the anxiety, but still managed to as I cried and cried, more and louder the longer I was closed in her arms. 'He b-blackmailed m-m-me and... I'm s-suicidal.'

'Honey, do you remember how much we love you?' my mother asked with an emotional voice, clearly trying to hold back her tears for me. 'Dad and I would do anything for you to feel happy again, we love you so much and would never give up on you.'

'I c-can't get over t-t-this...'

'We are going to look for therapy, okay? I want you to start as quick as possible so the processing can begin before it's too late. Unless you're not ready and don't want help, but I really recommend you taking the chance.'

'Mom... I think I- uh... I have a p-problem with food and... Hold me, please.'

She immediately held me even tighter and pressed kisses on my cheeks. 'Sweetie, we have to go to the police. I know you may not be ready and feel really scared to go, but he has to be locked up in jail. I don't want him to get a chance to do something like this to you again.'

'Will dad get mad at me for not being a virgin anymore? I know he really taught me to stay a virgin until I was married and I really wanted to, but-.'

'Dad will NEVER get mad at you for this, sweetheart. I don't consider rape as losing your virginity. If I steal your coat, the coat is still yours, if someone steals your virginity, it's still yours. You didn't choose for this, love, and even if you would have, it's still your choice, honey.'

My mother looked at me with love in her eyes and gave me another kiss on my cheek. 'But honey, I do know something that makes you very happy and I would love you to tell me about it?'

'Nothing really does...' I mumbled, but my mother shook her head with a sweet smile.

'How about Elliot?'

I giggled shyly and hid my face in her shirt. 'Don't bully me, please. I just may or may not like him a little bit.'

'That's so cute!' she exclaimed, trying to cheer me up a tiny bit. 'DOES HE LIKE YOU TOO?'

'Maybe,' I replied with a laugh. 'I really want to keep it a secret, but I'm really sure you won't tell anyone. I just have to talk about something happy right now... Elliot and I kissed and... he just makes me a lot happier than Patrick has ever done. He has always respected me, but he's closeted and no one is allowed to know.'

She zipped her mouth, but then cheered softly and hugged me. 'He is amazing, I'm so happy for you! You should invite him more often, I love him.'

'Thank you for being so sweet, mom. I love you...'

1211 words