ᵈᵃʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ | ᶜʰᵃⁿᵐⁱⁿˢᵘⁿᵍ

a way out

Jisung kept himself locked in his room for the next two days.

The only thing he did was cry and sleep.

He felt used, like a discarded and forgotten about toy.

He felt disgusted for almost missing the older's touch.

He felt sick for reminiscing on the feeling of Chan's lips against his skin.

He felt anger for not hating Chan.

He felt depressed, knowing a major part of him had been taken away. His innocence.

Jisung wanted it to be over, he wanted to forget about the events that had occurred.

He just didn't know how.

Lee Know brought the smaller food almost three times a day, hoping that he'd eat something, anything.

But Jisung refused to eat, he couldn't.

He felt so disgusted with himself, with what happened, with his feelings, that he didn't have the stomach to eat.

Lee Know was becoming concerned, seeing as their beloved hasn't eaten anything in days.

"Honey, I'm getting worried." Lee Know bit his lip as he sat beside his boyfriend, the older turning his attention towards the younger.

"What's wrong, love?"

Chan had been kept in the dark about Jisung's lack of eating, Lee Know hoping that the younger would eventually eat so that he wouldn't have to tell Chan.

"Jisung hasn't eaten since he locked himself in his room."

Chan thought for a moment, counting the days that their beloved has been in his room.

"He hasn't eaten anything?"

Shaking his head, Lee Know eyes began to water, "Nothing. He keeps refusing."

"I'm sure he'll come around, love. He's just in pain."

Chan was trying to console the younger, but he knew Jisung would continue this until forced to stop.

"How about we go get him some protein shakes, put something small in his stomach so that he can make his way back up to solid foods? Hm?"

Lee Know nodded, mentally remembering to buy protein shakes for his weekly shopping trip tomorrow.

While the duo downstairs brainstormed ways to help the broken boy, Jisung had figured out a way to help himself.

He had discovered a way out.

He had discovered a way to forget everything, to stop the pain.

He had discovered a way to end his suffering.

Chan and Lee Know may have thought about the gate, they thought about the tag on Jisung's collar.

They thought of ways to ensure Jisung didn't run away.

But they hadn't thought of ways to protect Jisung from himself.

Jisung crawled out of bed, his body feeling weak and exhausted.

He sighed as he passed his mirror, noticing how frail his body already looked.

The bruises on his neck made his heartache.

Moving his clothing to the side, he eyed the heart-shaped marking on his hip.

It was beginning to scab over. Soon, it would be a scar. A reminder of that night of pain, of suffering, of hatred.

Sighing to himself, Jisung made his way toward the bathroom, trying his best to be quiet.

He just needed to get inside before the duo caught him so that he could lock the door.

After being successful, Jisung looked around the bathroom, choosing his poison.

Water or a blade.

He finally decided on water, not wanting Felix and Seungmin to see the marks on his arms if he were to be buried at home.

Jisung began the task of filling the tub, not caring about the water's temperature.

Chan and Lee Know could hear a bath being run, their eyes trailing up the stairs.

"Did he mention that he wanted a bath?" Chan questioned, watching Lee Know shake his head.

"I'll go check on him." The younger spoke, his stomach in a knot as he wandered up the stairs.

Knocking gently on the bathroom door, Lee Know could see Chan making his way down the hallway.

"Sweets, do you need any help?"

Silence filled the house, the sound of running water being the only sound heard.

Gulping, Lee Know knocked again, "Sweetie?"

He reached for the doorknob, hoping to get inside to help the boy clean himself.

But the door had been locked.

Lee Know's heart raced as he looked up at Chan.

"Jisung! Sweetie, please open up!" Lee Know cried, jiggling the knob in hopes of it magically opening.

Jisung eyed the door, watching the knob jiggle as he lowered himself into the water.

Lee Know's cries became muffled as Jisung's head became submerged in the water, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath.

Chan pushed Lee Know to the side, slamming his body against the door.

After a couple of tries, the door finally swung open.

Stumbling into the bathroom, Chan immediately went to the tub, lifting Jisung out of the water.

Lee Know sobbed as the boy's lifeless body was placed on the floor, Chan performing cpr as quickly as possible.

Chan desperately tried to bring the boy back.

He couldn't bear the idea of losing their beloved.

Soon, Jisung was coughing up water, gasping for air.

Lee Know fell to his knees as he thanked the gods for allowing their beloved to live.

Chan pulled the boy close to his body, hugging him as he silently cried to himself.

Jisung's eyes watered, pain filling his heart.

Why...Why can't they just let me die?

Leaning back, Chan looked into Jisung's dull and lifeless eyes, "Are you okay?"

"I hate you." Jisung spoke, his voice hoarse as he watched both males' eyes look pained.

Jisung broke free from Chan's hold, crawling back into a corner of the bathroom.

He held his knees close to his body, tears falling down his cheeks.

Just let me die...please.