Doing It All For Love (Ghost x reader)

Chapter Fifteen

SOTD- All I Wanted by Paramore

As a Marine, you tend to get asked a lot of questions. Curious minds gather together and crowd around you- asking you why you'd want to risk your life for people you don't know.

And the answer is always the same. "To help make a change." I can still feel the bullshit smile tugging at my lips. I can recall each eyebrow raise when they were either satisfied with my answer or called bullshit on it. But why would I want to fight other people's battles? Why would I put myself on the line for others? A battle could easily go on without me- whether it'd be on the winning or the losing side. So why did I put myself through hell and back? Each scar is permanently carved into my flesh. Each beating is burned into my brain. Each gunshot is practically a reciting I had memorized.

Maybe it was at first to get away. To get away from the life I couldn't bear to live anymore. Or maybe...

It was because fighting others' battles was a lot easier than fighting my own. Each day had a routine to it. Each routine whether it was simple or hard pulled my head from the dark space and put it to work. Each battle I've led or taken part in was a lot easier to win than the battle that was created within me. It wasn't home I had to get away from.

It was me.

Maybe that's why I was even more miserable when I left the Marines. I had no other way to escape the thoughts that crawled into my mind and burrowed deep down inside of me. I couldn't push away the thoughts and drown them out with the sound of rapid gunfire.

I could feel a nudge on my shoulder as I stared into the darkness, finding peace in it. The darkness acted as a shield that hid the emotions on my face that seemed to become apparent each time I fell deep into my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I hummed softly in question. I knew that elbow belonged to Ghost since he was seated beside me.

We had been in the air for hours- almost a day. It would take a few more hours to arrive at our destination. Ghost and I had been talking in hushed conversation. Although Gaz was in the cockpit with Antonio and Landon was asleep- as always- we still remained careful for others not to hear us.

"Where did you go?" Ghost asked me. Even though I couldn't see much, due to the darkness- I still stared in his direction. I felt some form of comfort, knowing his eyes were on me. "What do you mean? I'm right here."

"Yeah, physically. But mentally..." He paused for a brief moment. "You're somewhere else."

It killed me how easily he was able to realize it. I knew it was because he studied mannerisms. He may seem silent- but he was always watching. He could always tell through body language and mannerisms.

"What's wrong?" He asked me. I could feel his hand reach for mine as he held onto it firmly. I got lost for a second in the feeling of his thumb as it soothing rubbed gentle circles on the back of my hand. "Just thinking," I spoke softly. "About?"

"That's the thing. I can't really tell- it's like too many thoughts at once." I frowned a bit.

"Do you think I'm going crazy?" I could hear Ghost softly chuckle at my question. "Y/n," I could feel him reach for my chin as he tilted my head back. "You are many, many things." He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. With that, it felt as if every single thought had washed away and my brain was like an empty canvas. "But crazy isn't one of them." I could feel his warm breath as his lips brushed against mine.

I leaned in and closed what little space we had between us- which wasn't much. Butterflies and fireworks aren't exactly what I like using to describe the kisses we shared- yet, they summed up the majority of them.

It was the mixture of emotions that coursed through my veins as soon as his lips touched mine. As our lips moved in sync as if they were puzzle pieces meant to connect- I could feel the warmth inside of me. The warmth I felt was like laying in a soft bed of grass and feeling the sun shine upon me. Feeling the warmth of the rays crawl on your skin and the comfort you feel as the bright rays seep into your eyelids and give you that perfect orange glow.

It was equivalent to that feeling. The feeling of happiness and peace.

My head- my thoughts and the world- they were my battle. It felt as if I was going to war. But Ghost- he was my peace.

When we pulled apart I could still feel the ghost of his lips on mine. I had grown used to the tingling feeling and I loved it. I loved him.

"When we find Soap, are you going to go back to the Marines?" I asked him. Ghost pulled down his mask and leaned back in his seat. His fingers were still intertwined with mine. "I was planning on it."

I felt a little bummed by his answer. I knew I would more than likely not go back. I would go back home to Detroit in my shared loft with Alora. I would work behind the counter at the bar and serve drinks. The Marines were Ghost's entire life. I knew he loved working there. "But..."

His voice quickly grabbed my attention as I turned my head to look in his direction. "I want to be wherever you are."

A smile had tugged on my lips and I couldn't help but laugh softly. "So what? You're willing to live an apple pie and white Picket fence life with me?" Although my tone was joking and had a hint of sarcasm in it- deep down I wouldn't be too angry about living that life with him. "As long as it's with you it doesn't sound so bad."

I smiled at that. "Have I turned you into a romantic?" I gasped jokingly. Ghost's chuckle was like music to my ears.

"You turned me into a man I never thought I would ever be able to become." I watched his dark silhouette as he lifted his mask completely. He loosened his grip on my hand as he let go completely. He put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me in closer to him, using his free hand, and placed it under my chin.

He lifted my chin and my head tilted back slightly. Times like this I wished the darkness didn't act as a shield. I wanted nothing more than to look into his eyes.

"Thank you," He spoke softly and quietly. He leaned his forehead against mine. "Thank you for reminding me that I am something more than just a killer. You reminded me that I was more than just Ghost."

I could feel my heart flutter at his words. Usually, he never spoke like this.

In many ways, he's changed me also. I thought the only thing I was good for was a few light laughs and combat. He pulled out a part of me that I stored away.

"I love you," I whispered softly. Simon lifted his forehead from mine and gently pressed his lips against mine. My hand reached for his cheek and I cupped it. Once we pulled away, I could feel his eyes on me.

I found comfort in his gaze. Whether he was talking or silent. I remembered the times when I used to be uncomfortable by his stares. But as time went on I found comfort in it. I fell in love with it, just like I had fallen for every part of him. "I love you too," He whispered back.

I could call him the man of my dreams. But truth be told- I never had time to dream of love.

The love I had for him just fell upon me suddenly. I never found myself so willing to give up the fear I had of being hurt and give my heart to someone else. Simon wasn't the man of my dreams- yet, the man I never knew I needed. (A/n: Personally, I don't need no man. But if it's Ghost... thennnnn🤭🤭🤭)

And now here we are. Talking about building a life together after all of this. (Should I kill her so they don't get a life together? I'm feeling mischievous🤭). It was something that I never thought I'd be saying.

I expected that I'd die in the Marines. I'd always dreamed of my death and woke up feeling nothing. Feeling as if it were bound to happen.

But now... I've realized that I deserved more than just to die by a gun. I deserved more than what I thought only a few weeks ago. And I wanted it with Simon. I didn't want it with Simon behind a mask.

I wanted it to be with Simon.