Commander Kitsune

Thirty-two

Sasuke's POV

The moment I wake up, I immediately know something's wrong. I sit up in a jolt, my eyes scanning frantically around the apartment. ...Naruto isn't here.

Panic starts to rise in my chest. Where could he have gone? Another walk? It doesn't feel the same as last time, and all the mobs are dead, I think... so it's not that...

He was acting strange today. Always fake-smiling, hugging me from behind, kissing me everywhere- and whispering "I love you" at the most random times. My chest aches. Where did he go?

I flip open the covers and get up- putting on my shoes in a hurry. I'm about to go out and look for him when something shiny catches my eye. ...His Kitsune mask. And an envelope, sitting on the nightstand. My chest tightens. I gulp, my movements slowing as I edge on over to the nightstand. Deep inside me, I know what the envelope's about. But all the same, I wish it weren't true. I wish it were all a bad dream.

With shaky hands, I pick up the envelope and open it. In it is a note. Letting out a shaky breath, I force myself to read.

Sasuke-

I'm sorry. I really am. If you see this, then that means I'm probably long gone. I'm sorry. You probably hate me, despise me, and probably don't want to see me again. That's okay. I deserve that. 

I know there's not a single excuse I can make to make you feel better- but I was hurting you. I saw you crying today. It was the first time I had ever seen you cry, and it pained me so much. Then I realized- I was pulling you down with me. You were my savior, Sasuke- but I was just dragging you into the darkness with me. I couldn't stay and keep hurting you.

I'm not sure when I'm coming back to the village. Or if I'm coming back. I'm sorry. Please don't try and find me, I want you to move on, to continue living your life. Tell Lady Tsunade, and Sakura, and Kakashi, and all of our friends that I'm sorry to them as well. 

You will become a force to be reckoned with in the shinobi world, Sasuke- I know it. Don't let me hold you back. You deserve so much better- you deserve someone better than me. Find someone better than me. I love you so much, Sasuke. You're my everything. I hope you know that. And I also hope you know that I'm doing this for you.

Please don't look for me- you won't find me. 

I love you- Naruto.

No. Nononono. Please.

My knees buckle from under me, and I drop to the floor. I cry. And I sob. And I scream, and curse at Naruto, crumpling up his note, because- how can you leave someone if you love them? Can't he see he's hurting me even more by leaving?

Why did he leave? How did he think leaving me would make everything better? Why can't you see that there's no one better than you for me?

He left because the village was hurting him, my mind reminded me. Yes, but- if we worked together to make everything better-

He's been hurting, waiting, and trying to make everything better for years. Did you honestly think anything you did would help? 

No- please, Naruto. Don't leave me. ...I knew I should've made him promise! But making him promise would only hurt him more...

That selfish bastard. I'm not sure whether to be angry, sad, or bloody goddamned furious at him right now. I just- I love him. Why did he have to leave? What could I have done better? What could I have done to make you stay?