Namjoon was an idol. It was hard to have a dating life when most of your time was spent working, but somehow, Namjoon got lucky. Kim Seokjin is the cutest and funniest guy ever. It was love at first sight, the two were perfect for one another.
The most difficult thing for Namjoon was to say goodbye to Seokjin when he was on tour for months and couldn't see him. It was difficult, but Seokjin always reassured him that he was happy about his success and would support him. Namjoon and Seokjin had started to plan their life together, after being together for two years they knew they only wanted to be with each other.
Currently, Namjoon was in Paris on his tour alongside his best friend Yoongi.
Namjoon watched the video of Seokjin playing with the kids they had planned to adopt, laughing loud as they chased him around the yard.
"He's really good with kids huh?" Yoongi says on his side.
"Yeah, he's perfect" Namjoon smiles, seeing Seokjin now playing with the baby.
"We wanted to adopt them," Namjoon tells Yoongi, not looking up to see the look of shock on his face.
"Adopt? You guys want kids?"
"Yeah, it's been Seokjin's dream to have kids. Before this tour, we went and looked, and he fell in love with these three"
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm always busy, and we agreed once work dies down a bit we could look into it again. Seokjin understands."
"Don't you think...that's sad?"
Namjoon finally looks up at Yoongi, confused.
"What do you mean?"
"I know I'm going to sound like an asshole, but I mean...look at how good he is with them. Don't you think Seokjin deserves to have that?"
Namjoon stood up, towering over Yoongi, video now shut off. Despite the height difference, Yoongi didn't falter.
"What are you saying exactly?"
"All I'm saying is that...Seokjin deserves happiness too right? Hasn't he sacrificed a lot for you?"
"So are you implying I'm a terrible partner?"
"Not what I said, all I said was that Seokjin shouldn't put his life on hold for you" Yoongi was a bold individual, one who said it bluntly, with good intent. Namjoon stays quiet, an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"I'm saying this from experience. I lost Hoseok because of this job, but it was for the best-"
"-how was it for the best? You lost the love of your life-"
"-I was only holding him back from his full potential! Do you think I wanted him to stay up for me every long night? Do you think I wanted him to have to go months without seeing me? I wasn't there for his highs and I wasn't there for his lows, what's the point of a relationship then?"
Namjoon doesn't say anything, with a huff he storms off, but maybe, deep inside, he knew Yoongi was right.
***********
Namjoon called Seokjin, the unsettling feeling now doing flips in his stomach. After two rings, Seokjin picks up.
"Hey, baby!"
"Hey" Namjoon tries to sound like his usual self, even with Seokjin's cheerfulness it's hard to not think about what Yoongi said.
"How are you? How's Paris?"
"It's good, been super busy," Namjoon says.
"I saw the kids today, they were so happy Joon. They asked about you, they said they wish you were there"
This hits Namjoon harder, he suddenly feels the need to cry. The words Yoongi said were ringing in his head, he couldn't make Seokjin sacrifice his life just for Namjoon to live his. Seokjin deserved better than that. Namjoon didn't want to let him go, but now he wasn't sure.
"Seokjin..."
"Your tone is scaring me, are you okay? Did something happen?" Namjoon could hear the concern, feeling even worse.
"Seokjin...I can't do this anymore"
"Wait what?"
Namjoon holds back his tears, he sucks in a breath.
"I don't want to hold you back-"
"-That's not something you get to decide!" Seokjin cries suddenly, it's breaking Namjoon's heart to hear.
"Seokjin, I-I can't be there for you the way I want to. I'm always away-"
"-I know that! It's okay, I'm okay with that. I knew what I was dealing with going into this relationship" Seokjin sounds frantic.
"But are you happy? Like how can you really be happy?"
"I am happy! You make me happy!"
"How? I'm never around, even when I'm back in Korea most of the time I'm making music."
"That's okay! I'm happy, I really am. Namjoon, I-"
"-you want kids and now you can't do that because of me"
"That's a decision we both made together" Namjoon can hear Seokjin's voice breaking, Seokjin knows Namjoon is stubborn and once he's made a decision it usually is the final one.
"Please Namjoon...please don't do this to me. To us." Seokjin was sobbing on the other end of the phone.
"I love you. Please don't ever think I don't. I want you to find happiness, I want you to be the best version of you. Seokjin-"
"-Namjoon we can do this, we can make this work, please-"
"-Seokjin. I love you."
Seokjin doesn't say anything, body numb and eyes wide.
"I'm going to go now, please don't cry anymore. I know you're going to be an amazing dad, an amazing husband to some very lucky guy. Just-just know that I will always love you" Namjoon cries, hanging up the phone.
****************
Namjoon hadn't heard from Seokjin, after that night. Neither one contacted the other, even when Namjoon wrote message after message before ultimately deleting it. Months had passed by, and his love for Seokjin was as strong as before. He returned home to Korea, finally having a vacation from work.
Namjoon sat on the park bench, reading his book. Feeling calm and at ease. It was a park Seokjin and he went to often, it was the place they had their first date.
"Taehyung! Stay close!"
His ears peek at the familiar voice, he looks up and sees Seokjin, carrying three bags and a basket. Two kids happily danced around him, a baby strapped to his chest. Namjoon's eyes widened. He watched the others carefully set up their picnic, taking Jungkook off his chest. Jimin and Taehyung now sitting beside their brother.
Namjoon smiles, whilst a bittersweet one, he was happy that Seokjin was a dad, and that he followed through with the adoption. He stood up, taking one last look at the bright smile on Seokjin's face. Namjoon didn't want to hold him back from his dreams, even if he loves him so much. He let him go because he deserves the best. Even if that meant, breaking his own heart to do so.
